I have seen a number of new posters on the board over the past week or so who are at various stages of dealing with toxic parents. I just wanted to let all of you know that I am thinking of you. I know how hard it is when you first start to realize the depth of betrayal that we have faced. Both of my parents were toxic.
When I first started posting on this board (only a couple of months ago – but feels like a lifetime ago), Deb wrote a post that was so full of compassion and understanding for what we have and are going through in learning to deal with the aftermath of toxic parents.
If you haven’t seen it, I have copied it below, I couldn’t say it any better than this – and wanted to forward her message to you. Not all of it may apply to everyone, but I think there are bits and pieces in here for each of us.
(Deb I hope that you don't mind that I am re-posting what you wrote - if you do, please let me know and I will delete this):
I am so very sorry that your mothers could not give you the simple things like a smile or that looks wonderful even if you painted your nails up to your eyeballs. If you cut your bangs off to your forehead which my daughter did. I would still tell you maybe it's a good idea that we go to the hair cutter the next time but you look beautiful anyway.
Your mother could not give away what she didn't have. You got short changed. She was wrong.
What I love about you girls is you know you were these great little kids. What I really love about you is that you know now that there is nothing you could of done to change it so now you are accepting it. There was nothing wrong with you. It was them.
Now you grieve.
They were empty people. Walking shells of something that resembles a mother. They gave you life, food and a home but did not know how to live life with you. They had no clue. They were already Inner dead when they had you.
But I see you are not. You are very much alive inside out. Your climbing through the rumble of explosions of craziness that was dropped upon you for years. You see light and hands extended reaching to pull you through showing you there is life, good life. Your leaving them behind with sadness and grieving but understand that you do not have to remain there with them. You would of loved for them to see the same light but they can't they have always been walking wide awake with their eyes wide shut.
You girls are very strong. I feel scared and sad just from walking with you on your post. I'm proud of you all too.
Love
Deb
Thanks again Deb - that post was beautiful, and will be with me always.
Peace