a "fog"

[towrite]

My best therapist used to call this a F.... Oportunity For Growth = FOG. I think this is what happened to me in the mtns. Having still not re-contacted my mother following my outburst in the mtns, and having heard not one word from my brother, I am scared, down, and staving off terrible feelings about myself. I glimpse a brighter side - free from my N mother's chains and no longer desiring to shore up my dismissing brother's needs with sisterly advice. We will see if this was the obstacle to my claiming my own life and if it leads to new paths - which will keep me alive.

[Hopalong]

((((ToWrite))))

Say you had a sister instead of a brother.
Say you loved her very much, unconditionally.
Say she was so depressed after a conflict that you feared for her.

What would you say to her?

I know you would be kind, and embrace her, and tell her you love her warts and all,
and her angry outburst was a long time coming and anybody else's reaction to it is
theirs to process. And she's always in your heart and you will not abandon her.

love
Hops

[towrite]

Not after my N mother brainwashed her. And, believe me (as you well know), money can brainwash.

[Hopalong]

I was fiddling with the images too much, ToW.

What I meant was for you to visualize self-love.

hugs
Hops

[Gaining Strength]

Yeah Hops I get it but towrite gets it too.  Towrite - I think you just described the very complicated bind you are in.  There is a part of you (the sister part) who is kind to yourself but your mother brainwashed against yourself.

I think you are facing something bizarrely twisted in on itself - sort of like a Moebius strip - and that makes your particular situation even more complicated and complex than most - and most are very complicated.

Somehow your mother split your being into more that one and then turned part of you against yourself while at the same time not allowing you to become your own self but remaining a part of her undifferentiated person.

That's just came off the top of my head and I am going to leave it alone there.  If it fits then great, if not then just ignore.

[Iphi]

towrite I love your quote and am hoping you are loving and supporting yourself.  GS's insight is intriguing and might work for me whether you find it handy or not.  Reading your posts, you've really suffered way too much under the yoke of your NM. 

[towrite]

a Moebius strip

GS - what's this mean?

Yes, your observations are on point. Thanks.

I have been toying with the idea of writing my mother a note along the lines of "I just cannot tolerate any more of her disrespect towards me and if she wants to write me out of her will, that's fine with me."

Whaddya think?  An opinion someone, please.

[Ami]

Dear GS,
   That insight- Moebius strip --is BRILLIANT. That happened to me. It is very, very confusing. Towrite a moebius strip is a strip (of paper) that winds around and is entwined in itself(I think).
 GS---- How did you get that insight? . Did it come in a "flash?I will often get deep insights in a "flash'.
  Towrite,an opinion on your question.I think that whatever you do-- she will not "feel" it or recieve it. Whatever you do, do for your own well-being and peace of mind. She is doing a whirling dervish dance-- with you or without you.IOW, her "dance" of craziness will continue no matter what you do or don't do. I am so, so ,very sorry. You sound like such a dear person that anyone would be happy to have for a daughter .                             Love     Ami

[towrite]

Ami - I know you are right. She is capable of such denial, she will deny anything she doesn't like. I will have to examine my motives for writing more closely. I feel certain I want to do this for me - but maybe not. I'm not expecting any response from her nor any change (for the first time in my life). It feels like the note will complete my release from her chains, make it final, so to speak. You know what I mean?