Mourning

[Ami]

Dear Beth
  The grieving of the "love" relationship that I never had with my M was the biggest grief in my life. My H could never hurt me the way that my M did.no man could, I don't think.
 I am mourning the loss of my M, too.
    Hops, IMHO --- I think that what the guy said about you was sweet. A really jerky guy probably would not have phrased his description of you  like that--- just an opinion.(intuition ?)
  Axa-- when I hear how hard you are on yourself,it reminds me of my Inner child book. You are expressing the feelings of the unheard child(just "get moving".) We were taught to abandon and criticize our inner child. So, it cries out for love by addictions,  and other destructive behaviors.
It is really helping me-- particularly the book--- Healing Your Aloneness by Chopich--- just a thought
                                                                                Love     Ami

[teartracks]

Dearest axa,

I believe that ungrieved losses,  even the tiniest (use the 1 - 10 scale, 1 being the smallest loss, 10 being the larget) cause untold side effects like depression, bitterness, resentment, hostility, phobias, (the list is endless).

That you've recognized the necessity of grieving this loss and facing off with the sadness is so important.  Not saying you won't think of this time in your life throughout your life, but once you go through the grieving process, there's hardly any chance it will have the power to come up from behind in the future and knock you down emotionally.  Left ungrieved, and neatly put away (stuffed) it always holds sway on  a life and can come back in spades do its dirty work when triggered.

I think it is equally important to grieved our ungrieved past losses.  It is a complex exercise, and I don't claim to have all the solutions or suggestions for the most effective way to do it, but unless we do, it still holds court at will, manifesting in crippling side effects often without our  recognizing the source.

http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=4974.0

tt