diagnosing

[Ami]

Dear Lupita, 
   What do you mean?                    Ami

[Hopalong]

Hi Lup...
I missed the whole thing about your mom, I think, but I think I can guess why you're mad?

You suggested a course of treatment for otistis and felt laughed at.

You have been trying to survive a job in which you are heckled and disrespected by pampered entitled prep-school students and condescended to by spineless and chauvinistic administrators.

Women you socialize with misunderstand your loneliness and act like spoiled cheerleaders at a Who's Popular party.

You're very lonely.

Nobody here knew you were a doctor...but that's partly because you've been too proud to mention it.

When you go dancing your passionate playful nature comes out and you feel joy. But you haven't been feeling much the rest of the time.

You have a terrible emotional struggle about your mother but she is still your bond to your family and culture, so when somebody labeled her too readily, that triggered your anger.

Are some of these right?

I'm sorry you're upset, honey. Don't be afraid of abandonment. I know people stretch and learn and forgive here.

love
Hops

[debkor]

Lup,

You are very very angry and that is ok.  It's only opinions that people are discussing. Your anger if fine we have all done that.

I don't think there is anyone on here who could say that they always had a nice life though. 

We are not all professionals in the Medical field on here and then some of us are.  Like you. But we all share the same pain, some less, some more, some different.

It's ok to be Pissed Lup.
Sorry you got triggered.

And you go Dr. Lup!!




Love
Deb

[Lupita]

I am sorry.  

Even ianybody here thinks my mother is a sociopath, it does not matter. What you think, it does not matter. What others think, it odes not matter.

Only matters what I think. Like judge Judy says. "It is my opinion what counts"

wow, I was a pressure cooker, and did not know it.

Thanks to you guys, because I did not know how mad I can get, my heart was paunding at its maximum.

Wow, I thought I was being disrespected. Who cares if somebody disrespect me? It does not matter.

So what!!!!  So what!!!!  That does not make any change in my life.

I think many of you are real Ns. That does not matter.

It does not make any change in your lives. So what, so what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It does not matter.

[Lupita]

This worked almost like a 3D group therapy. Wow, this works. Thank you for not getting mad at my madness. Thank you Towrite for understanding that I was not mad at you. You just gave your opinion.

I am sorry I was mad. I thank you very much for calming me down. You were very nice.

I wish I had people like that close to me.

This was a very interesting learning experience.

I need to control my self. I cannot let anything or any comment to put me on fire. That is not correct, that is exactly what my students do to me. They know how to push my bottons. I have to control that.

I will maditate on this lesson. This is the kind of behavior that has hurt me forever.

At least I was with kind people. If this was at work, and believe me, it could happen, I would be in trouble.

Thank you. I will work on this aspect.

Thank you again.

[Lupita]

By the way. I hate when men call me hon, it makes me feel retarded. not that much when woman do. I feel like a littel girl when I am called hon. Sweety. I know I am behaving like a little girl at this particular moment. I thank you for allowing for this to happen. I want to be pampered, but when I am pampered I feel offended and retarded. Thank you for allowing me to throw a temper tamtrum or however it is spelled. Thank you.

[Ami]

Dear Lupita
   I am glad that you see it this way. I think that when you got angry that it was GREAT. I think that anger is a step away from being a victim ( and her victim).
  I think that the board provides us a place where we can heal. We can work through the patterns that are holding us captive                                    Love    Ami

[Hopalong]

Sorry, Lup.
"Honey" is just affection...from me anyway.
No condescension intended!

Hops

[Ami]

Just  a note on how everyone is so different. I LOVE to be called ALL names of endearment. It feels really nurturing to me. I just soak it in                                                        Love    Ami

[Lupita]

sociopathy is linked to delinquency. My mother does not even have a trafic ticket. In all her life.

[Lupita]

Also, to be able to diagnose sociopathy, you have to be able to prove a conduct disorder before 18 YO.

My mother was an obedient child, excellent grades, one of the most talented pianists in her town at her time.

Conduct disorder is linked to vandalism. My mother has never been arrested, endited, convicted, of anything. Zero problems with the low. She is such a good citizen that the US of S gave her a permanet visa to be able to visit the US for the rest of her life.

A sociopath generally has a past that does not allow to get entrance to US of A. The US give a very deep investigation before giving a visa to visit the US.

It is very frivolus to labe persons of any kind of lables. The same way the lable children in schools which damage them for the rest of their lives and that follows then for the rest of their lives.

We might consider the possibility to say, IMO your M mgith have traits of such and such.

Never to say Your mother is such and such.

Just an opinion.

[isittoolate]

You're right Lupita,

None of us here is qualified to diagnose another, or another's mother or any other extended family. A therapist or psychiatrist, usually the latter will diagnose.

My therapist does not like labels.

We can compare ourselves to one another in feelings and thoughts. I saw one today that was "me":
 

To this day, my brother has his anger so deeply buried that his surface is extremely passive, sometimes like there's no life in him. He's terrified of his own or anyone's anger. All his life's energy, his spirit, is buried deeply with his anger.

                                                --from 'towrite's' anger/money post.


Yes, sociopathy begins in earlier years with setting fires, killing small animals etc. and is often used as 'psychopathic'  as well. That was what I lived with. a psychopath. I later learned of his early years, his criminal history, (Ns are not necessarily criminal but can be as disagreeable as h**k!) He, when drunk driving, at 25 killed a 16 yr. old girl, one of his  many jail terms. It all came to light, then with me, and I saw him deal in stolen goods and I suspected pornography.

Our stories are here for others to read, compare, take note and what fits, use, and what doesn't just leave behind.

Take Good Care Lupita   


Love
Izzy

[teartracks]

Lupita,

I've posted parts of my story here from time to time.  Until seven years ago when my recovery began, I had been  forced to jump through just about every imaginable narcissistic hoop from about age 2 1/2.  I'm recovering steadily, but still struggle with residual grief, anger, disappointment, and resentments.  I would like to think that one day I'll wake up and exclaim, I'm whole.  The work of recovery is finished.  It's a new day.  I'm the way I was meant to be before the abuse began.  Yes, I would like that very much, but on a practical level, it's not likely to happen.  What I've stated here and in other accounts of my story are true.  My mom IS a full blown narcissist.   Now here is where I was going with this little story.  Once when I was lamenting my circumstances on the board a person responding to my post, called my mom a name/label.  And even though my mom is a narcissist, I just wasn't prepared for someone else to talk badly about her using this particular label. 

Later we (the other poster and myself) had a discussion about it and it was resolved with the help of a third poster who had more insight into why my feelings had been hurt.  It was because that particular label  in my culture or more specifically my region of the country was and is considered crude and socially unacceptable.   As I say, this has been completely resolved.  There was no malicious intent on the part of the other poster and forgiving her was easy.

I'm not aware of anyone here on VESMB who holds themselves out as professional psychotherapists except out esteemed moderator, Dr. Grossman. The rest of us are in the main, well intentioned, garden variety, amateur, street talking, cyberspacing social psychologist.  That pretty much restricts us to giving encouragement by sharing our experiences and offering opinions.  I've seen some good educated guesses proffered from time to time as well.

Lupita, labels are not who we are. 

You matter.  What you say here on the board is good and significant and helpful. 

My very best to you.

tt 

[Lupita]

Isittoolate,

Thank you so much so much for the validation you just gave me. Everybody else just said there was nothing wrong. There was nothing intentionally wrong. These are good people. No doubt. Absolutly. But there was something wrong.

And wether others accept it or not, there was something wrong, that should not happen. We need not to ignore it.

We, again, might consider to say:

Such and such exhibit trais of such and such.

But not to say SUCH AND SUCH ARE SUCH AND SUCH,

Thank you so much Isit. Thank you.

[Lupita]

Tear, I totally agree with you.
Thanks to this board I am cowing up.
Six months ago, when I started posting, I just witdrew if something upseted me. This time, I said I was going away, but did not do it. I am here. I will keep posting. I expressed my disagreement.

I am positive and secure that nobody intended to hurt me.

That means I am growing. I am growing. Thanks to the help of so many people here.