Addicted to "Aha!!"s ??

[Bella_French]

wondering if my `drive' for knowledge is somehow linked to my N-mother or a bio-chemical payoff?

Bella,
Would hate to see you turn a very abundant positive iabout yourself nto a negative!

love,
Hops Vincent Peale

Lol! I just noticed your sig, Hops. That made me laugh so much:) Although it totally fits btw!

[Certain Hope]

Oh my, Bella... I hadn't seen this before, but no, I surely don't think there's anything wrong with a drive to attain knowledge!
To me, that's a gift... to have an innate curiousity about the world and the people who inhabit it. That's not an addiction, it's a wonderful blessing, I think.

I love to learn, too... just about anything, in general... especially now that my eyes and brain are awake again and seem to be connected in ways that they weren't before. When I was a kid, asking questions was not allowed. And then there was just such a disconnect, for a long while there... a shut-down, after the period of years when every bit of new learning seemed to revolve around various pathologies, to the point where I didn't want exposure to a single new bit of info.
You see, I went from discovering the perversions of my kids' dad in 1992, through 7 years of sorting through all that, learning, feeling adequately informed, only to discover that nothing had changed.... to divorce and then remarriage to NPD-ex... more pathology, more learning... ack, ack, ack. When you're in survival mode for that long, Aha's become the bread of life... and that's what I'm resisting now, I think.

Anyway, I definitely agree with Ms VP ( lol Hops )... my goodness, if we weren't always learning, we'd moulder away, I think!

Love,
Hope

[Bella_French]

Thanks for saying that Hope:)

I am very grateful to you for posting this thread, because it has reminded me of the emotional connection I have to learning and understanding. I really had forgotten that there was a link.
X Bella

[Gaining Strength]

Certain Hope - I love this thread.  I have plunged the depths of my disfunction and actually reached the bottom.  I don't know if I experienced the same adrenaline rushes as you describe but I do know the great devastation of adrenaline depletion.  A year ago I discovered a book about Adrenal Fatigue by Dr. James Wilson and have been taking supplements he created to support the adrenal gland.  I now concentrate on taking care of my over spent supplier of adrenaline.

But I have reached the point where it is time for me to move forward and start living.  I have everything I need to do that.  I am ready - but here I am still lazing in bed, just not wanting to face what lies ahead - sort of afraid of moving out of thee investagative state into the action phase.  I am surprise.  I had not anticipated that I would rather just sit around stuck in the contemplative phase.

What am I afraid of NOW?  I'm not sure but this time the answer is to get going and stop figuring.

[lighter]

Hope.... I read you OP twice.... and felt the same exact way each time, lol. 

I want to say.... it resonates with me.... on several levels. 

I think I'd go nuts if I kept chasing my tail and never made a move past.....

well....

chasing my tail, lol. 

You know what I mean; )

[Gaining Strength]

You know Authentic, you have a point.  By the way you phrased it I realized that I have often heard people tell me and others something along the lines of "You need to get off the pot or _____."  There's is some truth to that but the point is that

The trick is figuring out when is the right time for you.

I am so thankful that the time have FINALLY arrived for me.  And though I recognize today that I have some real resistance to it, I suspect that this will actually be a fairly easy hurdle to get over.  I think my "do nothing" status that resulted from paralyzing depression and anxiety has become a habit and now that the depression and anxiety are gone I am resting in a bad, bad habit that I must get off my tail bone and shake.

Love this topic. - GS