ACOA quiz

[Hopalong]

I was fascinated by this Adult Child of Alcoholics quiz. (My folks were very modest drinkers, and not regularly.) For me, none rang a bell until the "As an adult..." questions started.  It wasn't many, but it was 3. My favorite part was at the end"...or other dysfunctional." Bingo. I bet many children of Ns...etc.

Yay for internet rabbit holes....
hugs,
Hops

Am I an Adult Child?
Do you recall anyone drinking or taking drugs or being involved in some other behavior that you now believe could be dysfunctional?
Did you avoid bringing friends to your home because of drinking or some other dysfunctional behavior in the home?
Did one of your parents make excuses for the other parent’s drinking or other behaviors?
Did your parents focus on each other so much that they seemed to ignore you?
Did your parents or relatives argue constantly?
Were you drawn into arguments or disagreements and asked to choose sides with one relative against another?
Did you try to protect your brothers or sisters against drinking or other behavior in the family?
As an adult, do you feel immature?  Do you feel like you are a child inside?
As an adult, do you believe you are treated like a child when you interact with your parents?  Are you continuing to live out a childhood role with the parents?
Do you believe that it is your responsibility to take care of your parents’ feelings or worries?  Do other relatives look to you to solve their problems?
Do you fear authority figures and angry people?
Do you constantly seek approval or praise but have difficulty accepting a compliment when one comes your way?
Do you see most forms of criticism as a personal attack?
Do you over-commit yourself and then feel angry when others do not appreciate what you do?
Do you think you are responsible for the way another person feels or behaves?
Do you have difficulty identifying feelings?
Do you focus outside yourself for love or security?
Do you involve yourself in the problems of others?  Do you feel more alive when there is a crisis?
Do you equate sex with intimacy?
Do you confuse love and pity?
Have you found yourself in a relationship with a compulsive or dangerous person and wondered how you got there?
Do you judge yourself without mercy and guess at what is normal?
Do you behave one way in public and another way at home?
Do you think your parents had a problem with drinking or taking drugs?
Do you think you were affected by the drinking or other dysfunctional behavior of your parents or family?
If you answered “yes” to three or more of these questions, you may be suffering from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional family. 

[Twoapenny]

Well I answered yes to every question apart from 'have you found yourself in a relationship with a compulsive or dangerous person' - and the answer to that is no because I don't do relationships   Lol xx

[lighter]

Hoo boy.  I had to answer yes to 'have you found yourself in a relationship with a dangerous or compulsive person?'

I didn't count, but I answered yes to quite a few other questions.

Lighter

[Phyll]

Well, I answered "Yes" to at least 13 of the questions, and noted I "used to" for at least 4 of the questions.  I guess that is progress!  My personal favorite from the list was,  "Do you judge yourself without mercy and guess at what is normal?"  I have improved on that also but I recall struggling with going into the 5th Dimension of beating myself up for beating myself up. "Stop beating yourself up!"

I could think of a couple questions to add to the list such as:
-- Did one of your parents lie about their drinking?
-- Were booze bottles found hidden around the home?

[Twoapenny]

Those are interesting questions to add, Phyll.  My mum would get very drunk on only two drinks - which always made me think she'd been secretly slurping all day, because there would be more empty bottles than you'd need for two drinks.  I know she used to take a lot to the recycling centre, rather than putting them out for the recycle guys to collect, and I know she always felt a lot of shame over being drunk.  They both mostly drunk at home - if they went out she'd usually drive and not drink at all.  Somehow it has always been more acceptable socially for the man to get drunk (in the UK, at any rate).  One time I was out with her walking the dogs.  It was mid afternoon and she was so drunk she could barely stand, but she'd wanted to come out.  We bumped into someone she used to work with, who was also walking the dog, and I watched her try (and fail) to hide how drunk she was when they chatted.  It was excrutiating to see and I knew it always bothered her - but not enough to make her stop.  I don't think anything's ever been enough to make her stop.  It's always very sad.  I'm glad you were able to get some help and stop your own situation xx

[Phyll]

Twoapenny, that is awfully sad about your mum.  It was always easier not to drink at all then to have a couple and stop.  I will never know for sure why some people recover from alcoholism and some do not.  I liken it to cancer.  Some people recover, some people relapse, and some die.  Attitude goes a long way, but sometimes it isn't enough.  They say the capacity to be honest with yourself is the key.  Some people have the capacity and some do not.  The AA book says "they are not at fault.  They seem to be born that way..."  I think some have a worse case of the disease.  My Mom stayed sober, I have stayed sober, and my father drank himself to death at the age of 62.  I am so sorry about your mum.

[lighter]

Tupp:

A sober AA friend told me people who drink a lot are always saturated with alcohol.  Therefore, a drink or two has them slurring their words, appearing drunk while evryone else is normal and buzzed with the same drink or 2.

It's really confusing to witness and not understand what one is seeing, IME.

That's what it is, yup yup yup.

Lighter