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Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
BonesMS:
I've just had an eye-opening experience over the weekend while I was attending my graduation ceremony. My boyfriend did not travel with me to Minneapolis but my other "friend" did, (the one with the Alzheimer mother). I had my hands full with a LOT to get done while preparing for the ceremony and said "friend" started getting annoying with her non-stop dithering about stuff that were none of her concern. At one point, she commented that when she gets wound up, she doesn't listen very well. I told her that I notice that BIG TIME!
Since I was getting a Master's, part of my regalia includes a hood with certain colors on it to signify which school I am graduating from. Said "friend" decided to dither with it without asking me first and, in the process, pulled a button off of it! (This is within minutes before we were about to line up to march in.) I yelled at her to back off and got a blank stare in return. I got a temporary "fix" from one of the school employees that were assigned to help us with our regalia and got it adjusted. A few minutes later, said "friend" is back and started to reach for the hood again. I turned around and told her to leave it alone. She attempted to get behind me anyway while starting to make another grab at it again! This time, I spun around and put my hands out to PHYSICALLY STOP HER while yelling louder: "LEAVE IT!!!!!" Again, I get the "blank stare". My colleagues, who were graduating with me, were giving her funny looks. When she finally left to go to the auditorium, my colleagues asked me what was her problem that she could not keep her hands off of my regalia. (They were also getting psych degrees.) We finally decided that it must be some sort of OCD where she felt compelled to invade other people's boundaries in an attempt to force them to do what she wants.
On the flight home, I was holding my mortarboard in my hands as I couldn't pack it without damaging it. I had worn it through the airport as it was easier to work with it that way and I could protect it better. Said "friend" attempted to insist on sticking it inside some magazine. I was trying to doze as I was exhausted and I told her to leave it. She went ahead, grabbed a magazine, and started to pull my mortarboard out of my hands! I yanked back and told her quite bluntly, again, LEAVE IT!!!! She, again, gave me the blank stare. She didn't speak for the rest of the flight and I didn't care. I was outraged that she would actually physically invade my space and attempt to FORCE me to do what SHE wanted with MY regalia! Sheesh!!!!
Bones
JanetLG:
Bones,
Sounds like, as well as being a pain in the bum, she was so dead jealous of you, that she felt she had to physically destroy the outward signs of your achievement.
Congratulations on your graduation! What subject is your Masters in?
Janet
changing:
"SHE wanted...MY regalia" . There you have it. And she became the center of attention, rather than the most excellent Bones, through her antics! Do not invite her when you are awarded your doctorate! (send an announcement card AFTERWARD, with the wrong date and address on it just to be sure)
Sorry you had to deal with this on your day of TRIUMPH. I love how you stood up for yourself. Still, nothing can dim the brightness of your victory... HIP HIP HOORAY BONES!!!!
Hugs,
Changing
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: JanetLG on August 12, 2007, 11:25:51 AM ---Bones,
Sounds like, as well as being a pain in the bum, she was so dead jealous of you, that she felt she had to physically destroy the outward signs of your achievement.
Congratulations on your graduation! What subject is your Masters in?
Janet
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Janet!
In answer to your question, I now have a Masters of Science degree in Addiction Psychology. Now I'm debating on whether or not to go for a PhD.
Bones
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: authentic on August 12, 2007, 11:58:12 AM ---Bones congratulations!
I think that we all have to struggle w/ our egos and sometimes, depending on who it is and what the trigger is we lose big time.
sounds like your friend got KO'd by her ego.
there is narcissism in all of us -- I guess it's the old adage - do we feed it or starve it?
I believe if we can be honest about our feelings and act from a position of emotional honesty, we can question our thoughts before they become negative actions.
Sounds like your friend didn't do this.
When you questioned her, she didn't have an answer because she hadn't stopped to think about what she was doing.
On a very subconscious level I think she wanted the regalia for herself.
Atleast that's what I sense.
Does she have a degree in anything?
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Authentic!
Come to think of it, I don't think she has a degree in anything as she's never really FINISHED anything. At one point, she complained about her supervisor suggesting that she take a class in Time Management (she is perpetually late). I responded that she NEEDS that class!
I think your assessment is spot on as she often acts on impulse WITHOUT thinking then gives a blank stare every time she gets called on her behavior.
Bones
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