Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
Certain Hope:
--- Quote from: Overcomer on August 15, 2007, 09:52:17 AM ---Do you think N people have a sense of entitlement hat makes them think they are exempt from normal courtesy? I know my mom is always tugging at my shirt or licking her finger to wipe something off my face. The last time she did that I grabbed her arm and said DO NOT SPIT ON MY FACE!
--- End quote ---
Kelly, she doesn't do things like that with others, like employees in the office, does she?
I think it's probably more a matter of her not seeing you as an adult individual... to her, you are still her little girl and so yeah, she feels entitled.
Seems like just as much an immature "mom" thing as an "n" thing, to me.
Tweety:
Bones...
I have had problems recently with a SPACE INVADOR :lol:
He is one of the Dr's that I work with , He thinks he's funny...NOT
It's really childish, stupid annoying things. It was tough at first to really put a boundary up. I tried to do it with humor at first ( Felt the safest way)
It started with kinda teasing stuff-
buzzing sound of the reflex instrument, in my ear.....making me jump
Told him to stop...........kept doing it....my response Yup you guessed it "What part of No didn't you understand.....making him only try to do it again
He is always going through my cabinets and draws to find stuff...... I said excuse me can I help you find something....he just kept at it
He came very close to me whilst talking and I with humor responding.....making hand gestures like a box around me............" Excuse me, person space"
with that he jumped in my chair and started going through my draws like a little kid, defying me on purpose...I just walked away and ignored him like I would a toddler.
But the culmination came last week ........
A few of us girls were talking and joking and of course he had to be part of it, which no one was talking to him ......I responded to one of the girls.......... He hauled off and punched me in the arm and said"Don't say that" laughing.
Well It took all I had not to punch him back... I just whipped around (Must have looked like the exorcist lol) And said " That's it I have told you three times to stop it and your not listening , don't ever touch me again.....He laughed (No,suprise there)
His response...Well youshouldn't have said that......My response " I can say and do what ever I want , you dont'get to hit me , touch me , Punch me, invade my space, you don't have that right, He was blocking the door way, and I said GET OUT OF MY WAY, and I walked out, Fumming and almost ready for tears,I was soooooo angry and frustrated.
He later said ...I owe you an apology, Your absolutely right. I dint even go near him, he said it across the counter.. It was time to go home (Friday) and i just left. Thank God I'm on vacation this week.
Whoooooosh , these people are SPACE INVADORS.... I also think he has some sexual aggression stuff going on as well but that a whole other topic.
Love Tweety
Overcomer:
My mom will do that to me and my daughter.....probably a "mom" thing.
But the Space Invader? Maybe I picked this up from my mom and I am not proud of it.
My mom comes over and starts looking through my stuff. Looking through piles of mail. Snooping, really.
Ever since I was young I have been a detective of sorts. I am nosey. I used to read the Intoxicated Driver report and the Bankruptsy report and the births and the deaths and I look up how much a person's house is worth online. When I like a guy, I would drive by his house....almost stalk him from afar. I used to like to catch my ex doing something bad so I could say Ah ha!!! I think that is how my mom is and I really don't like being that way. I went to an AlAnon meeting and a woman confessed to being that way with her husband. If she knew he was drinking even though he was trying to hide it, she somehow felt in control?? Does that make sense? Are those boundary violations???
Certain Hope:
Hi Kelly,
Yes, I think that those are boundary violations... the mail snooping, digging through someone else's paperwork.
On the other hand, I've seen people do that simply because they like to appear busy. They have no intention of actually following through on anything they may find while snooping, but it makes them feel "in charge" just by rifling through papers... lol.
During my season of control freakery, I did some of those things, too... years ago, searching for evidence that my kids' dad was smoking pot, but then not confronting the issue. I guess it's a matter of "knowledge is power"... except it didn't work out that way.
Also, to me, I think it's about filling up an empty self with other peoples' "stuff"... in the form of information or whatever.
It's a non-contact way of making a pseudo-connection... kinda odd.
Controlling people don't much like surprises, either, so there's an element of self-protection in there, too.
Catching people doing something bad, like in the reports about drunk drivers and bankruptcys... what did you do with that info? Did you discuss it with others or just store it up?
Hope
Certain Hope:
Hi Tweety,
I know someone kinda like that doctor you've described.
He's a bit ADHD (my description only and not a diagnosis) and can't seem to stay still in the presence of people over whom he has some authority.
I sense that it's a constant battle for him to impress upon them that he's really a "good guy"... as though he's not comfortable with the fact that he can boss them around. He wants so much for them to genuinely "like" him that he'll act generally silly and sometimes uses a warped sense of humor and odd mannerisms in their presence. He does the butting in deal, too... very annoying. But actually, I think he's just really nervous and doesn't know how to connect with people in that setting, so this is his way of trying to make them more comfortable with him and make himself feel like he's not being "left out". Unfortunately, it just makes people think he's weird... lol.
Npd-ex did toddler-style, pushy, ridiculous stuff, too, of course... plenty of it... but never, ever, would he apologize.
The sexual aggression stuff may put a whole other spin onto this and would be a whole lot more difficult to bypass or excuse, so I dunno...
just thought I'd share with you my impressions of another "clown" I know. :)
Love,
Hope
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