Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Good point!

If this "friend" is unable to respect the boundaries of other people, then she is NOT a friend!

Bones

Exactly, Bones. She is probably not a person with whom you (or anyone else, I don't suppose) will be able to share the level of trust and intimacy which we all need for nourishment.
I'm in the midst of recognizing this within some of my own relationships.
You've defined some of her behavior as unacceptable and told her so, as I have with a couple of friends. What's next?
For me, it's to feed these folks with a very long-handled spoon, lest I get my arm chewed off.
Practically speaking, that means I keep them in my prayers and love them from a good safe distance, free from the repercussions of their lack of boundaries which can assault anyone nearby with overflowing anger, interference, sabotaging behavior, and any number of other negative consequences.

Hope

Thanks, Hope!

I'm tending to keep my distance now even though she just recently sent me an e-mail asking why she hasn't heard from me.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Do you think N people have a sense of entitlement hat makes them think they are exempt from normal courtesy?  I know my mom is always tugging at my shirt or licking her finger to wipe something off my face.  The last time she did that I grabbed her arm and said DO NOT SPIT ON MY FACE!

I think N's have a BAD habit of doing that!  EWWWWWWW!!!!!   

Bones

[BonesMS]

Bones...
I have had problems recently with a SPACE INVADOR

 He is one of the Dr's that I work with , He thinks he's funny...NOT
It's really childish, stupid annoying things. It was tough at first to really put a boundary up. I tried to do it with humor at first ( Felt the safest way)
It started with kinda teasing stuff-
buzzing sound of the reflex instrument, in my ear.....making me jump
Told him to stop...........kept doing it....my response Yup you guessed it "What part of No didn't you understand.....making him only try to do it again

He is always going through my cabinets and draws to find stuff...... I said excuse me can I help you find something....he just kept at it

He came very close to me whilst talking and I with humor responding.....making hand gestures like a box around me............" Excuse me, person space"
with that he jumped in my chair and started going through my draws like a little kid, defying me on purpose...I just walked away and ignored him like I would a toddler.

But the culmination came last week ........
A few of us girls were talking and joking and of course he had to be part of it, which no one was talking to him ......I responded to one of the girls.......... He hauled off and punched me in the arm and said"Don't say that" laughing.

Well It took all I had not to punch him back... I  just whipped around (Must have looked like the exorcist lol)  And said " That's it I have told you three times to stop it and your not listening , don't ever touch me again.....He laughed (No,suprise there)
His response...Well youshouldn't have said that......My response " I can say and do what ever I want , you dont'get to hit me , touch me , Punch me, invade my space, you don't have that right, He was blocking the door way, and I said GET OUT OF MY WAY, and I walked out, Fumming and almost ready for tears,I was soooooo angry and frustrated.
He later said ...I owe you an apology, Your absolutely right.  I dint even go near him, he said it across the counter.. It was time to go home (Friday) and i just left. Thank God I'm on vacation this week.
Whoooooosh , these people are SPACE INVADORS.... I also think he has some sexual aggression stuff going on as well but that a whole other topic.
Love Tweety

WHOA!!!!!!  He could also be treading into sexual harassment.....

Bones

[Certain Hope]

Thanks, Hope!

I'm tending to keep my distance now even though she just recently sent me an e-mail asking why she hasn't heard from me.

Bones

Dear Bones,

Do you want to tell her why you haven't contacted her?

Hope

[Tweety]

Bones,
Yes I do believe he has crossed some lines. So hopefully he got the message, and he will keep his sexual stuff to himself.
Tweety

[Tweety]

Hope, 
Im so glad you brought up that question. The pre-recovery me would have had to tell them exactly why I don't want to talk , as in you did this and that. I'm actually experiencing this with another woman friend. She called me 8 times yesterday to wish me a happy Birthday (I'm assuming since it was my b-day). I have had to distance myself from her...I didn't answer the phone, She could have just left a message, and I'm sure I would have called her back tothank her, but 8 times. A little over the top an no message very strange. So I guess I was right in not answering. I just can't get sucked back in. What would I have said? Please don't call anymore your way TOOOOOOOOOOOO extreme , your all over the place..i don't know. But I'll say the old me would have wanted to "rip" the mask off her and show her who she was. That's just not my job anymore.. I have healthier relationships now and there is give and take and I don't feel the need to take someones inventory for them anymore. I'm retired...........lol ..Just another person God put into my life , or brought back so I can learn new behaviors. They seem to be commingout of the woodwork lately...I'm sure I'll be posting here again..  More chance for growth
Tweety

[Hopalong]

Hi Tweety,
I worked in medical centers for a while and I was often amazed at how aggressive young [edit: male--thanks Janet!] doctors could be. Occurred to me that not only were they confused about who god was, but they'd also been so golden for so long that they wouldn't hear "No" from women. Or, that they'd try to get attention in really childish ways.

Didn't make them evil, but they often seemed despite their intelligence to be sort of socially deaf.

I'm glad this guy apologized, and I think your assertiveness may have helped a lot of future women (and him as well).

Hope the tension eases.

Hops

[JanetLG]

Hops and Tweety,

I don't think the 'doctors thinking they're god' applies just to male ones, unfortunately. My stepson's girlfriend is a newly-qualified doctor, and she seems to have trouble dealing with the HUMAN RACE. She's still unemployed, and the last time we spoke, she was saying she thinks she should be guaranteed a job after all the hard work she's done - never mind the fact that training costs *taxpayers* £250,000 per trainee - I'd quite llike her to get a job so that I can start getting some value for money.

 Do they have a part of their training where they are actually taught how to be supercilious, or does medical training just attract that kind of person? Dunno.

Sorry, rant over.


Janet

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Hope!

I'm tending to keep my distance now even though she just recently sent me an e-mail asking why she hasn't heard from me.

Bones

Dear Bones,

Do you want to tell her why you haven't contacted her?

Hope

I need to give myself some space to cool off before I say anything.  If I speak in anger, I may say things that I'll regret later.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Bones,
Yes I do believe he has crossed some lines. So hopefully he got the message, and he will keep his sexual stuff to himself.
Tweety

Otherwise, he's in for some deep legal trouble!

Bones

[Tweety]

Bones, Hops & Janet,
Thanks, yes "entitled" is definitely a great description of this Dr and he is not young he is in his late 50's. All the sexual talk was getting out of line and really bothering me, so the other stuff just pushed me over the edge and I knew I had to say something. I have to tell yo guys though, this is the first time I ever got an apology when I told someone "No means No kinda thing..( asserted my boundaries) .. so I was a little stunned as well. I'm used to dealing with"N"s and we all know how that goes.........IT would have been all my fault somehow.blah blah
 I just hope he connects the dots and realises the sexual overtones has to go as well.
Tweety

[Ami]

Dear Tweety,
  I think that you learned the "power" of your voice. This guy"helped" to teach you a lesson. Do you agree?
  I did not get what you meant about me "swearing" until now.
  YES, I swear that we will take better care of and nurture ourselves--- GULP         Love    Ami


\

[Certain Hope]

I need to give myself some space to cool off before I say anything.  If I speak in anger, I may say things that I'll regret later.

Bones

Very wise, Bones... stick with the facts, ma'am... just the facts

Happy Friday to you, tomorrow!

Love,
Hope

[BonesMS]

I need to give myself some space to cool off before I say anything.  If I speak in anger, I may say things that I'll regret later.

Bones

Very wise, Bones... stick with the facts, ma'am... just the facts

Happy Friday to you, tomorrow!

Love,
Hope

Thanks, Hope!

I'm also working at the Hotline during the weekend so that will keep me busy!

Bones

[Certain Hope]

Thanks, Hope!

I'm also working at the Hotline during the weekend so that will keep me busy!

Bones

Oh, Bones... and here I thought you'd have the weekend off!
Do you follow somewhat of a prepared script in working the Hotline?
That sounds quite challenging... definitely need to be an excellent listener, I'd think.

Rainy day ahead here, so I'll be plowing through a stack of paperwork the kids brought home from school.
Parents get the most homework when a new school-year begins
Take good care of yourself, sweet Bones.

Love,
Hope