Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Well, maybe he thinks he should ask for one but doesn't really care in his heart. What do you think?           Ami

With the brains, or lack of one, with some men, who knows???????  

Bones

[Hopalong]

Hey Bones,

What if you said or wrote a note to him:

BF, you know, one of the things about giving a gift, is that it makes the giver happy to see the other person enjoy it. I never feel that way, because your only response is to look at it, say Thanks, set it down, and that's that.

Do you actually feel happy when I give you something? If you do, would you be willing to tell me what makes you happy about it, or what you like about a gift?

If it's not really doing anything for you, then since money is so tight this year, should we skip the gift giving?

I really would like to give you something if you'd like receiving it. But if it is kind of empty, I'm okay skipping it.

Let me know what you'd like to do.

Hops

[BonesMS]

Hey Bones,

What if you said or wrote a note to him:

BF, you know, one of the things about giving a gift, is that it makes the giver happy to see the other person enjoy it. I never feel that way, because your only response is to look at it, say Thanks, set it down, and that's that.

Do you actually feel happy when I give you something? If you do, would you be willing to tell me what makes you happy about it, or what you like about a gift?

If it's not really doing anything for you, then since money is so tight this year, should we skip the gift giving?

I really would like to give you something if you'd like receiving it. But if it is kind of empty, I'm okay skipping it.

Let me know what you'd like to do.

Hops

That's a good idea, Hops!

I'm going to try that.

Bones

[HeartofPilgrimage]

I haven't a clue why he would behave like this, but ... I don't think I'd keep on wasting my money. I think the "love languages" approach is the next thing I'd try --- for example, if he seems to appreciate deeds more, then offer to do something for him that he would appreciate (as his Christmas gift). If it bothers you not to have something for him under the tree, you could write down your offer and box it up ... I'm thinking though that I'd definitely tell him ahead of time that you noticed he doesn't seem to get a lot of joy out of Christmas presents and that you are trying this different approach this year.

I really hate wasting my money on things that are not appreciated or used. My children are the main culprits in my life ... I always buy them clothes for Christmas but it is getting to where I can't please any of them ... my taste is just too different. The boys (ages 12, 19, and 21) all like dark colors (black, gray, brown ... they are NOT "Goth" but for some reason gravitate to darks for their clothes) and I just can't do enough mental gymnastics to get enthusiastic about buying another dark, neutral shirt. The girl on principle only likes things SHE thought of first.

[BonesMS]

I haven't a clue why he would behave like this, but ... I don't think I'd keep on wasting my money. I think the "love languages" approach is the next thing I'd try --- for example, if he seems to appreciate deeds more, then offer to do something for him that he would appreciate (as his Christmas gift). If it bothers you not to have something for him under the tree, you could write down your offer and box it up ... I'm thinking though that I'd definitely tell him ahead of time that you noticed he doesn't seem to get a lot of joy out of Christmas presents and that you are trying this different approach this year.

I really hate wasting my money on things that are not appreciated or used. My children are the main culprits in my life ... I always buy them clothes for Christmas but it is getting to where I can't please any of them ... my taste is just too different. The boys (ages 12, 19, and 21) all like dark colors (black, gray, brown ... they are NOT "Goth" but for some reason gravitate to darks for their clothes) and I just can't do enough mental gymnastics to get enthusiastic about buying another dark, neutral shirt. The girl on principle only likes things SHE thought of first.

For what it's worth, I think with kids that age, (12, 19 and 21),...it is to be expected as they are still thinking like kids for now.  They haven't had the experiences yet that we have learned from.  As for bf, the guy is pushing 60, like me, so I would have thought he would have learned SOMETHING by now!   
 
Bones

[Hopalong]

I like getting good-quality magazine subscriptions for kids, as opposite to the usual cultural junk as possible.
They LOVE getting their own mail, and it's a monthly or bi-monthly reminder that you thought about their mind, their thinking, with respect...

The Sun (anybody adolescent or older)
New Moon (for girls)
Mother Earth News (for any geeky kid)
ODE (the magazine "for intelligent optimists")
Utne Reader (for any teen)

love
Hops

[BonesMS]

I like getting good-quality magazine subscriptions for kids, as opposite to the usual cultural junk as possible.
They LOVE getting their own mail, and it's a monthly or bi-monthly reminder that you thought about their mind, their thinking, with respect...

The Sun (anybody adolescent or older)
New Moon (for girls)
Mother Earth News (for any geeky kid)
ODE (the magazine "for intelligent optimists")
Utne Reader (for any teen)

love
Hops

Sounds good!!!   

Bones

[BonesMS]

I had an experience this morning that has me shaking my head and scratching it in bewilderment.

I was assisting with Stuff-A-Truck this morning with the Capital Area Food Bank.  Every year, in December, the local TV station encourages people to donate non-perishable food items for the needy.  This one couple dropped off a box of, (what we thought), were non-perishable food items for their donation.  After they drove off and we started to put the box in the bin, something caught our eyes that made us take a closer look.  The "donation" turned out to contain an opened bag of pasta that was closed with a rubber band and a half-used container of oatmeal!!!!!!     The first thought that hit my brain when I saw what these people had "donated" was:  "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?!?!?"  Needless to say, these half-used containers of food went straight into the TRASH!!!!!  UGH!!!!   

Bones

[Ami]

You are right that you can't explain people's motives, sometimes!                xxxooo   Ami


PS LOTS of times.

[BonesMS]

You are right that you can't explain people's motives, sometimes!                xxxooo   Ami


PS LOTS of times.

And these idiots are convinced, in their own minds, that they are SO GREAT for doing such a "good deed"!  Typical N's!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Just touching base for now.

Bones

[Ami]

(((((((((((Bones))))) Hi Ya!!!                        xxxoo  Ami

[BonesMS]

(((((((((((Bones))))) Hi Ya!!!                        xxxoo  Ami

Hi, ((((((((((((Ami)))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

[BonesMS]

 

Bones

[Ami]

How you today, Bones?                                                               xxoo  Ami