Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Yeah That sounds like my H getting me a baseball cap for my Birthday               Ami

He also announced that he is giving me Season One of Classic Star Trek (1966) for a belated Christmas present.  (He doesn't seem to get it that you're supposed to wrap it first and give it as a SURPRISE!)

Bones

[BonesMS]

Had a bit of an awkward situation a little while ago.

I had to go to the post office to take care of a few errands and I encountered the husband of NDoofus waiting in the same line as I was.  The mother with Alzheimer's is still holding her own but NDoofus' sister is NOT doing well at all.  It appears that the sister has cancer of BOTH the stomach and esophagus plus it appears that the cancer has spread to her liver.  She now has a J-Peg as she is no longer able to eat and a catheter to drain off the excess fluids that tend to accumulate.  She's still living in her mother's house and nurses from a nearby hospice come out to assist her.  (I don't blame the sister for NOT wanting to stay with NDoofus and her husband because NDoofus would DRIVE HER BONKERS with her NON-STOP DITHERING!!!!)

I get the feeling that the husband is not aware of the way NDoofus behaved like a total A$$ with me and I was not about to discuss the details in the middle of the post office with so many strangers standing within earshot.  He kept asking me to call NDoofus and I kept politely demurring.  (I do NOT want to re-open THAT can of worms!)  It was an awkward encounter all the way around.

Bones

[Ami]

Had a bit of an awkward situation a little while ago.

I had to go to the post office to take care of a few errands and I encountered the husband of NDoofus waiting in the same line as I was.  The mother with Alzheimer's is still holding her own but NDoofus' sister is NOT doing well at all.  It appears that the sister has cancer of BOTH the stomach and esophagus plus it appears that the cancer has spread to her liver.  She now has a J-Peg as she is no longer able to eat and a catheter to drain off the excess fluids that tend to accumulate.  She's still living in her mother's house and nurses from a nearby hospice come out to assist her.  (I don't blame the sister for NOT wanting to stay with NDoofus and her husband because NDoofus would DRIVE HER BONKERS with her NON-STOP DITHERING!!!!)

I get the feeling that the husband is not aware of the way NDoofus behaved like a total A$$ with me and I was not about to discuss the details in the middle of the post office with so many strangers standing within earshot.  He kept asking me to call NDoofus and I kept politely demurring.  (I do NOT want to re-open THAT can of worms!)  It was an awkward encounter all the way around.

Bones

The H's seem the last one to know with N's  .                                     Ami

PS With your B/f, sometimes the scientific types are not too sensitive with emotions. It seems like that is how many of them are.

[HeartofPilgrimage]

Bones, your description of your bf reminds me of a seminar on Asperger's syndrome I once attended. The lecturer said that the prevalence of the disorder depends on who you ask, ranging from "very rare" to "half the engineers at Xerox." Ha! Since the major impairment in Asperger's is social understanding, I thought it appropriate to mention that comment ... everybody in the room laughed when he said it because we all know an engineer or other scientific type who is socially clueless.

[BonesMS]

Had a bit of an awkward situation a little while ago.

I had to go to the post office to take care of a few errands and I encountered the husband of NDoofus waiting in the same line as I was.  The mother with Alzheimer's is still holding her own but NDoofus' sister is NOT doing well at all.  It appears that the sister has cancer of BOTH the stomach and esophagus plus it appears that the cancer has spread to her liver.  She now has a J-Peg as she is no longer able to eat and a catheter to drain off the excess fluids that tend to accumulate.  She's still living in her mother's house and nurses from a nearby hospice come out to assist her.  (I don't blame the sister for NOT wanting to stay with NDoofus and her husband because NDoofus would DRIVE HER BONKERS with her NON-STOP DITHERING!!!!)

I get the feeling that the husband is not aware of the way NDoofus behaved like a total A$$ with me and I was not about to discuss the details in the middle of the post office with so many strangers standing within earshot.  He kept asking me to call NDoofus and I kept politely demurring.  (I do NOT want to re-open THAT can of worms!)  It was an awkward encounter all the way around.

Bones

The H's seem the last one to know with N's  .                                     Ami

PS With your B/f, sometimes the scientific types are not too sensitive with emotions. It seems like that is how many of them are.

Thanks, Ami.

That sounds about right on both things.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Bones, your description of your bf reminds me of a seminar on Asperger's syndrome I once attended. The lecturer said that the prevalence of the disorder depends on who you ask, ranging from "very rare" to "half the engineers at Xerox." Ha! Since the major impairment in Asperger's is social understanding, I thought it appropriate to mention that comment ... everybody in the room laughed when he said it because we all know an engineer or other scientific type who is socially clueless.

Thanks, HoP.

Ironically enough, he and I took an online Aspie Quiz.  My score indicated that I am most likely the Aspie while his indicated that he is most likely the NT.  So that confuses me even more that an NT could be socially clueless?????????????

Bones

[HeartofPilgrimage]

I think that the point the speaker was making is that some people see the autism spectrum around every corner --- to the point of "diagnosing" the engineer types that don't care about the social niceties and never really bothered to learn!

On the other hand, I have a dear friend who has made it for 25 years as a pastor, despite having Asperger's. He just found other ways to show people he cared (he has kind of a monotone voice and kind of an impassive face). When we were in college, I got tendonitis in both hips and was incapacitated ... my roommate went to the college cafeteria and pleaded for me a ride to the dr. Guess who volunteered? Yep, my "stoic", "Asperger" classmate.

So, if I had to explain how your bf can be more clueless than you (assuming that you do have some kind of Asperger's tendencies), I'd say it's because you are probably interested in learning.

I'm sorry if my last post seemed rude. It didn't occur to me that you might be suffering from the difficulties that come from Asperger's. You might have a hard time with social situations but I would have never guessed that from your posts. I'll try to be better at being sensitive to others from now on.

Are we okay with one another?

[BonesMS]

I think that the point the speaker was making is that some people see the autism spectrum around every corner --- to the point of "diagnosing" the engineer types that don't care about the social niceties and never really bothered to learn!

On the other hand, I have a dear friend who has made it for 25 years as a pastor, despite having Asperger's. He just found other ways to show people he cared (he has kind of a monotone voice and kind of an impassive face). When we were in college, I got tendonitis in both hips and was incapacitated ... my roommate went to the college cafeteria and pleaded for me a ride to the dr. Guess who volunteered? Yep, my "stoic", "Asperger" classmate.

So, if I had to explain how your bf can be more clueless than you (assuming that you do have some kind of Asperger's tendencies), I'd say it's because you are probably interested in learning.

I'm sorry if my last post seemed rude. It didn't occur to me that you might be suffering from the difficulties that come from Asperger's. You might have a hard time with social situations but I would have never guessed that from your posts. I'll try to be better at being sensitive to others from now on.

Are we okay with one another?

Sure, we're okay with one another here.

Regarding Asperger's, the puzzle pieces finally started to fit together for me a couple of years ago regarding a LOT of various difficulties that I've struggled with since birth.  (Dealing with an NWomb-Donor Rage-aholic didn't help matters any!)  Since I'm pushing 60, I haven't been able to get an official diagnosis because there seems to be a mindset, among the "trained" professionals that only kids born after 1994 could have it.  HELLO!!!!  Hans Asperger wrote about this BEFORE I was even born and I'm sure there are several other Baby Boomers who have lived with undiagnosed Asperger's all along!  Plus, the Aspie groups have been trying to get these same professionals to open their eyes to the fact that these kids GROW UP TO BECOME ADULTS!!!!  (I'll get off my soapbox for now!)

Bones

[BonesMS]

It seems I'm getting mixed signals from bf, like he takes one step forward then two steps back.  It just doesn't make any sense.

On Tuesday, we went to the National Zoo to see the Giant Pandas.  Unfortunately, it was one of the COLDEST days of the winter, which set off every old injury that I've ever had!  I had to sit down, several times, due to the pain, but I kept getting the impression that bf had NO comprehension of what I was struggling with!  Then he bought me a souvenir baby Panda that was embroidered with Tai Shan's name on it.  (We did have a laugh when I spotted a packet of paper made from Recycled Panda Poo!  )

On Wednesday, he gave me the First Season DVDs of Star Trek, The Original Series (digitally remastered).  But whenever I attempted to talk about what we would be doing on New Year's, all he would continue to say was:  "I dunno..."  I told him we need to COMMUNICATE!!!!!  Unfortunately, he doesn't.  I feel exhausted trying to do ALL THE COMMUNICATING!!!!!

Bones

[Ami]

Dear Bones
 I think he is just a scientific type who is low on the emotional relatedness scale. I know many people who I can only go so far with emotionally. They are just not wired for the attention to emotional responses.
 I think there is a concept of emotional IQ which talks about this.
 He is probably low on this and high on regular IQ.                      xxoo  Ami

[BonesMS]

Dear Bones
 I think he is just a scientific type who is low on the emotional relatedness scale. I know many people who I can only go so far with emotionally. They are just not wired for the attention to emotional responses.
 I think there is a concept of emotional IQ which talks about this.
 He is probably low on this and high on regular IQ.                      xxoo  Ami

That makes sense.

It seems he's more comfortable with quadratic equations and solar physics.

Bones

[Ami]

Yes---I don't think it is personal. Someone who can do all those amazing scientific things just may not be that good with touchy feely things.       

[BonesMS]

Yes---I don't think it is personal. Someone who can do all those amazing scientific things just may not be that good with touchy feely things.       

Intellectually, I understand and, at the same time, it pushes a LOT of buttons and triggers!

Bones

[BonesMS]

 

Bones

[Ami]

 We were not seen as kids and so we REALLY need people to see us.  Your b/f does not often have access to his emotions so YOU are not seen, yet again.
 In a way, you are going through the painof your childhood over and over.again.