Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

OH Bones! I hope it's not too intense or complicated - if it's just "mess", that'll wash off you know!

Glad to see you online again. I was wondering how you were doing.

Thanks, P.R.

I feeling extremely depressed right now to the point of having suicidal thoughts.  Mr. Idiot showed up, on Christmas Day, with BAGS OF DIRTY LAUNDRY AND NOTHING ELSE AND THOUGHT HE WAS BEING CUTE!   

[sKePTiKal]

OH LORD, Bones! Don't do something that drastic over dirty socks & underwear!!

Jeez... ex #2 complained so bitterly about how I did laundry, that I tied all his underwear in nice tight knots for him! (He stopped complaining!!) So, when Mr. Idiot doesn't like the way you do laundry, then you can simply refer him to the professionals. It'll send the message loud & clear, I think, that you're not his mommy and won't be treated like a cinderella, either.

So...... what else is contributing to your gloom, sweetie?

[BonesMS]

OH LORD, Bones! Don't do something that drastic over dirty socks & underwear!!

Jeez... ex #2 complained so bitterly about how I did laundry, that I tied all his underwear in nice tight knots for him! (He stopped complaining!!) So, when Mr. Idiot doesn't like the way you do laundry, then you can simply refer him to the professionals. It'll send the message loud & clear, I think, that you're not his mommy and won't be treated like a cinderella, either.

So...... what else is contributing to your gloom, sweetie?

PTSD Flashbacks and feeling isolated.  Mr. Idiot did his own laundry and he brought food, earlier, for Christmas dinner.  However, he laid down on the floor and went to sleep while I was trying to cook something.  Trying to get him to help with dinner preparations was like TALKING TO A CHILD!  This IDIOT is PUSHING 60 and acts like a LITTLE BOY!  Have no family, no Christmas presents, and I'm tired of struggling.

[sKePTiKal]

PTSD from your mom? I get that... sort of on the emotional wavelength... without regard to what's going on around me in the present.

It was just hubs & me yesterday. I'd already bought him some stuff (and he knew what it was) and vice versa... so no presents. We did our usual... and played video games. I was aware that I was trying to quell anxiety - which is a precursor to my depressive withdrawals from people. When I started making dinner, he insisted on being right in my way and telling me not just what to do - but how to do it - to prepare the meat to go in the oven. We'd already discussed the recipe I was using earlier in the day. When I asked him to put back the huge roasting pan he completely missed the request and then got right in my face with more instructions - and I blew my top and yelled at him. He made a big deal about putting the pan back up in the high cabinet - which I was able to reach to get down (and he's taller than I am)... and yelled back.

At which point he pulled something that aggravated an old hernia (that he refuses to have repaired surgically). This is horribly painful for him and there is absolutely nothing I can do for him. (Except repeat that he could get this repaired... sigh.) We both apologized; we both felt bad. And yes, he needs reassurance that I'm not going put all his stuff out on the front lawn and change the locks. After 10 years, I can't get him to relax about this... or understand that I get angry - I blow my top (when triggered like that) - and then, I'm over it. It's all done. Unlike some people - that kind of thing won't come back to haunt him from me.

So, Bones - I know. Try as we might to have a calm, peaceful day... this stuff just shows up un-announced and insists we deal with it. Just like your Mr. Idiot did. But I think there IS a way out of this... a way to finally 'fix' that... for me, it does help that hubs can "let those things go" quickly, too. Usually, I hurt myself as a result of one those "episodes" - like burning my hand on an oven rack or something. It doesn't happen to other people; and it really bothers me that it did this time. But, I can't dwell on it because today is a new day - we get another chance to "get it right this time" and refine, improve, and try something completely different - you know? Yesterday is already "old news"... and we can't do anything about it, now. We can only do something about today.

[BonesMS]

Thanks, P.R.

On top of that, I have to go hassle with my bank because they messed up my deposit and $25.00 in cash mysteriously disappeared after I gave it, and my deposit slip, to the teller, who is now insisting that I never gave her the cash!  It looks like I have to go through another hassle to change banks if my current bank tried to continue insisting that I never made that deposit because the paperwork, on their end, wasn't done.  That money was earmarked for my medical bills and the bank is screwing up!

[sKePTiKal]

OOOOOhhh. Those kinds of issues are always the worst! I don't know why, exactly, but issues with accounting, banks, and money are always able to make me anxious, guilty, and just down-right miserable.

It's really hard to "prove" that you made such & such a deposit - unless of course, they have you recorded on their security cameras, which they run even at the drive-throughs and atms, I think. I try to hang on to my receipts until the deposit displays online, these days. It's pretty clear there a mistake made by the teller - probably in your account number, so that the deposit was credited to another account - and that's giving the teller the benefit of the doubt.

I wish I could say that doing everything online was more reliable, or secure, or less mistake prone - but I can't. And even with my background in tech - I still like to have most of my transactions done the old-fashioned way. But yeah - there are even problems with that approach...

I hope you can get it sorted out, Bones! Maybe next week it'll just go away.

[BonesMS]

OOOOOhhh. Those kinds of issues are always the worst! I don't know why, exactly, but issues with accounting, banks, and money are always able to make me anxious, guilty, and just down-right miserable.

It's really hard to "prove" that you made such & such a deposit - unless of course, they have you recorded on their security cameras, which they run even at the drive-throughs and atms, I think. I try to hang on to my receipts until the deposit displays online, these days. It's pretty clear there a mistake made by the teller - probably in your account number, so that the deposit was credited to another account - and that's giving the teller the benefit of the doubt.

I wish I could say that doing everything online was more reliable, or secure, or less mistake prone - but I can't. And even with my background in tech - I still like to have most of my transactions done the old-fashioned way. But yeah - there are even problems with that approach...

I hope you can get it sorted out, Bones! Maybe next week it'll just go away.

At this point, I don't know.  I have my receipt but the online info shows that the teller credited only part of the deposit.  She could have easily pocketed the cash when no one was looking.

[sKePTiKal]

Well, all you should need to show the branch manager is your receipt - and let her pull up the record and see the discrepency. Just ask her to make your account "right" - and let her handle all the rest.

That should be enough to settle that problem... you know?

[BonesMS]

Well, all you should need to show the branch manager is your receipt - and let her pull up the record and see the discrepency. Just ask her to make your account "right" - and let her handle all the rest.

That should be enough to settle that problem... you know?

I can only hope so as I really don't trust Mega-National Bank (a.k.a. Bank of America).

[Hopalong]

((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))

Sending you love.

A peaceful pause on the roof, to look at the winter sky.

A good cry if you need (invisible hugs, remembering we care about you) ... then inside for cocoa.

I say screw the traditional meals and all, it's just tyranny.

Eat Cheerios and watch the sky, smell winter.

Christmas is tyrannical and it's hard.

love to you,

Hops

[BonesMS]

((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))

Sending you love.

A peaceful pause on the roof, to look at the winter sky.

A good cry if you need (invisible hugs, remembering we care about you) ... then inside for cocoa.

I say screw the traditional meals and all, it's just tyranny.

Eat Cheerios and watch the sky, smell winter.

Christmas is tyrannical and it's hard.

love to you,

Hops

Thanks, Hops.

I keep beating myself up, telling myself that I need to grow up, be an adult, and stop wishing for the perfect Christmas, or any better Christmas, or even Christmas at all, than I had growing up.  And, at the same time, it still hurts.

[BonesMS]

Gotta go hassle with Mega-National Bank as soon as it opens this morning.   

[sKePTiKal]

It might could turn out to be a very refreshing experience, Bones!

After all, you're just helping them "count beans" into the right accounts... and they do appreciate it (most of the time). Fingers crossed that you don't encounter some ole Monday morning after Christmas grump.

[BonesMS]

It might could turn out to be a very refreshing experience, Bones!

After all, you're just helping them "count beans" into the right accounts... and they do appreciate it (most of the time). Fingers crossed that you don't encounter some ole Monday morning after Christmas grump.

Or some dishonest idiot who insists that I never made the deposit in the first place and attempts to accuse me of scamming the bank!   

[sKePTiKal]

Yeah - that's possible, Bones...

BUT... it wouldn't be very good PR or customer relations for the bank, now would it? Don't go to another teller; ask for the branch manager. They're usually less stressed and their job depends on keeping customers!