Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Abby's reply made me grin!!!!  RIGHT ON, ABBY!!!!!   



DEAR ABBY: I recently bought a small travel trailer that I use for weekend fishing trips. My dog, "Goldie," accompanies me on these short trips and sleeps with me on the only bed in the trailer.

My wife, "Shirley," is now expecting to go on some of my fishing trips with Goldie and me. The problem is, Goldie is used to sleeping with me, and I believe she should have first dibs on the bed since she was there first.

When I informed Shirley that she'd be sleeping in the back of the truck, she came unglued. Now, Shirley and I are hardly speaking. Goldie is a young Lab pup who is my very best friend, constant companion and never nags. I think my wife is being selfish and inconsiderate, but I'd like your opinion. Am I out of line here? -- GOIN' FISHIN' IN MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR GOIN' FISHIN': If you're expecting sympathy from me, you're barking up the wrong tree. You are not only out of line, but it appears you're also in the doghouse. A real Texas gentleman would let Shirley and Goldie share the bed while he slept in the truck, and that's what I'm urging you to do.

[BonesMS]

A recent encounter with an N reminded me of how much N's violate others' boundaries.

This N demanded to know if I was reading my Bible.  Excuse me?!?!?!?!?     (As a matter of fact, I do before going to sleep.  I find it comforting.)  When I acknowledged that YES, I DO READ MY BIBLE to this N, she THEN PROCEEDED TO ATTEMPT TO DICTATE WHAT I WAS ALLOWED TO READ IN MY OWN BIBLE IN THE PRIVACY OF MY OWN HOME!!!!!!   

She got told:  "BACK OFF, JACK!!!!!  This is between me and my God of my understanding AND YOU AIN'T GOD!!!"  Did I mention she got pissy because I DARED say the word "NO" to her royal @#$%-ness!?!?!?  When will these N's learn that their noses END where other people's boundaries BEGIN?!?!?!?

 

Sheesh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bones

[BonesMS]

This website was mentioned in "Dear Margo", Friday, September 16, 2011:

http://narcissisticpersonalitydisoderfamilyforum.yuku.com/topic/512/Sister-with-NPD#.TnM17-xDSSo

[BonesMS]

Here's the "Dear Margo" letter in case you might have difficulty locating it:

Dear Margo: Like someone else who wrote to you, I, too, am middle-aged and have a sister who flies off the handle at imagined slights. Just last year I found a website and finally understood the wellspring of the abuse. She is a narcissist, and some reports say this is caused by the male role model being absent during a crucial development period in a young girl's life. This website has helped me, and I learned that my sister thinks she is perfect and will never change, so I limit my contact with her to group settings only, where I can avoid her or move on when she decides to throw a tantrum so the day will be about her. Limiting contact is the only thing that works. For anyone else who has my problem, I offer the website: http://bit.ly/qFr9f7. — Figured It Out at Least

Dear Fig: I pass this on to whomever might find it useful, with your compliments. A way of handling unbalanced friends or relatives can be a lifesaver. Understanding is a great tool for managing someone else's disturbances. I have never believed in being victimized by either relatives or friends. — Margo, sympathetically

[BonesMS]

Is it just me or are the majority of the male gender IDIOTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I went out to my car and discovered that something has gone wrong with the braking system so it has to be towed to the mechanic as soon as I can get the finances together.  Otherwise, I drive NOWHERE because it is NOT safe on the road for me or other drivers.

When I informed bf about this new problem and that I have to get to an appointment tomorrow morning...his response?  "Why can't you just drive it anyway?"  Is he that FRAKKING F-ING STUPID?!?!?!?!?  WHY SHOULD I ENDANGER OTHERS AND MYSELF FOR HIS CONVENIENCE?!?!?!?!?   

Bones

[BonesMS]

Just checking in and still feeling annoyed at the male within my vicinity......

[BonesMS]

The first letter in Annie's Mailbox, today, sounds PAINFULLY familiar!!!!!

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/on-golden-child.html

[Ales2]

Thats a sad story. I suppose in every family there is always someone who is the favorite and someone who feels left out and that is not necessarily malicious. Some of that I can understand and not be bothered by.

For me, the only wisdom the columnist forgot is that the wife is in a great position to build her marriage by treating her husband with the respect, love anc acceptance his Mother clearly cannot. Rather than try to make things more equal between the brothers or cause conflict, just take more care with her husband. He'll appreciate the wife and might soon realize that he's worth far more than his mother realizes. And, won't she be pissed when she realizes her son is blossoming in his marriage!

[BonesMS]

Thats a sad story. I suppose in every family there is always someone who is the favorite and someone who feels left out and that is not necessarily malicious. Some of that I can understand and not be bothered by.

For me, the only wisdom the columnist forgot is that the wife is in a great position to build her marriage by treating her husband with the respect, love and acceptance his Mother clearly cannot. Rather than try to make things more equal between the brothers or cause conflict, just take more care with her husband. He'll appreciate the wife and might soon realize that he's worth far more than his mother realizes. And, won't she be pissed when she realizes her son is blossoming in his marriage!

I agree.

When I was reading the comments below the letters, one reader commented that the husband's previous wife might have been the one to divorce him just to get away from the battle-axe MIL!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Feeling the need to vent at the moment and I'm not sure who to vent to....so I guess I'll vent here.

[Getting on Soapbox]

For the "Wanna-Be's", i.e. "Cop-Wanna-Be's", "Fire-Fighter Wanna-Be's"...if that is what you REALLY want to do AND are ABLE TO QUALIFY, then do so!  If you KNOW that you will NEVER BE ABLE TO QUALIFY, then STOP driving everyone around you crazy by impersonating a cop or fire-fighter!  It does NOT become you and WILL give you LEGAL HEADACHES WHEN YOU GET CAUGHT!  AND I HOPE THE LEGAL SYSTEM THROWS THE BOOK AT YOU!!!!!

For the other "Volunteers" who "volunteer" for this, that, the other, etc., etc., etc.......PLEASE FOLLOW THROUGH WITH WHAT YOU SAY YOU'RE GOING TO DO!!!!  If the ONLY reason you are "volunteering" is to make your resume' LOOK GOOD, or SO YOU CAN BRAG, and BRAG and BRAG....... then DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME AND MINE when you KNOW YOU DON'T WANT to be bothered rolling up your sleeves and DOING THE WORK!  If you're afraid of getting your fingernails dirty, breaking a fingernail, or ruining your manicure, then QUIT WASTING YOUR TIME AND MINE AND STOP VOLUNTEERING AND GET OFF THE DANG COMMITTEES YOU'VE JOINED SO YOU CAN FLAP YOUR STUPID GUMS AND STILL DO NOTHING!!!!  DAMMIT!!!!  

[Getting off Soapbox]

Bones

P.S.  A bit of background.....my frustration stems from involvement in various volunteer organizations within the community and observing certain individuals who are FRUSTRATING!!!!  Yesterday morning, my community was supposed to have a Safety Expo and a city employee worked her butt off for several months to organize it, invite a large number of organizations that are involved with public safety, received RSVP's from several of the invitees only to have the vast majority pull a NO CALL-NO SHOW!!     After all that work, on her part, she was so upset she was crying!  I was SO ANGRY at these RUDE people who told her they were coming and then to not even have the decency to inform her they had decided to cancel instead!   

[BonesMS]

Does this sound familiar?  (From "Dear Abby", September 18, 2011.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married several years to an only child. Despite our objections, my mother-in-law, "Diana," continues to treat my husband, "Rob," as though he's helpless and me as his equally incapable sidekick.

I should have realized there was trouble when Diana and other in-laws came to visit us on our honeymoon -- unannounced and uninvited. When we go to a buffet restaurant, she prepares plates for him. She tells him what clothes to wear to events and even irons them for him. She includes our names on cards, gifts, flowers, etc., for which we've had no input or financial contribution. Anytime we mention going out of town, she attempts to invite her husband and herself to tag along.

Rob and I are responsible adults who work full time. We have never asked his parents for anything. I find her behavior insulting and intrusive. Even if I wanted to wait on my husband hand and foot, I'd have to beat my mother-in-law to it.

I have done everything I can think of to remedy this, from having Rob speak to her to being frank with her myself. Aside from saying hello when I answer the phone, I choose to have no relationship with her. Am I being overly sensitive, or is Diana overstepping her boundaries? -- MARRIED TO AN ONLY CHILD IN KENTUCKY

DEAR MARRIED TO AN ONLY CHILD: If your description of your mother-in-law is accurate, she's the living definition of a mother who can't let go. Because you and Rob have spoken frankly to her about this and her behavior persists, she strikes me as overbearing.

By now it should be clear that Diana isn't going to change. Your best recourse may be to put geographic distance between you if and when it's feasible.

[sKePTiKal]

Aren't people a trip, Bones? Those kind wouldn't last long here.

Down here, I've been reading about the reverse -- people who've volunteered for a disaster response org (I won't say which one) - and then were FIRED for having useful practical skills and willing to donate those same, to help others. Seems the org only wanted fundraising volunteers. Big, national charity this was.

The real story with hurricances, happens in the months, not weeks, afterwards. How people survive, help out, carry on and deal with the loss, stress, and abandonment by the official "helpers"; FEMA left last week. But the Salvation Army is still feeding folks in the southern beach towns; Operation Blessing is still here helping rebuild homes. And the Army Corp is still trying to get all the pieces collected & in place to build a temporary bridge over the largest, washed out inlet that is open, ocean to sound. The state is reviving it's Energy Start Rebate program - and only allowing folks replacing hurricane-damaged appliances to participate. It's a significant rebate per purchase, too.

Out of all of that - what I've been hearing the most of aren't so much complaints... but these stories of over the top kindness, unsung heros, and the best in people rising to the occasion. Which gives me an idea.... back later!  

[BonesMS]

Aren't people a trip, Bones? Those kind wouldn't last long here.

Down here, I've been reading about the reverse -- people who've volunteered for a disaster response org (I won't say which one) - and then were FIRED for having useful practical skills and willing to donate those same, to help others. Seems the org only wanted fundraising volunteers. Big, national charity this was.

The real story with hurricances, happens in the months, not weeks, afterwards. How people survive, help out, carry on and deal with the loss, stress, and abandonment by the official "helpers"; FEMA left last week. But the Salvation Army is still feeding folks in the southern beach towns; Operation Blessing is still here helping rebuild homes. And the Army Corp is still trying to get all the pieces collected & in place to build a temporary bridge over the largest, washed out inlet that is open, ocean to sound. The state is reviving it's Energy Start Rebate program - and only allowing folks replacing hurricane-damaged appliances to participate. It's a significant rebate per purchase, too.

Out of all of that - what I've been hearing the most of aren't so much complaints... but these stories of over the top kindness, unsung heros, and the best in people rising to the occasion. Which gives me an idea.... back later!  

Thanks, PR!

Yeah, you're right!  Those kind of people are a trip and shouldn't last long if all they want to do is be "fair weather friends", collect money for their organizations, but can't be bothered to roll up their sleeves and HELP people!  If they DON'T want to help people, then they DON'T DESERVE ANY DONATIONS!!!!!

I'm curious about your idea!   

Bones

[BonesMS]

Just checking in.............

[BonesMS]

Tonight I'm meeting with one of the volunteer groups that was a No-Call-No-Show this past Saturday.  I do plan to ask them:  "What happened?  You sent an RSVP, told the event coordinator you were coming.  What?!?!?!?"  I'm curious about what the "excuses" will be.  This coming Saturday, I'm scheduled to assist in teaching CPR/First Aid to several of these same members.  Will the same stuff occur......"No-Call-No-Show"?

Bones