Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[sKePTiKal]

Bones, I'm relieved you've come to this decision!

It's been my experience, that if one does step up and try to do all of that alone, the eventual consequence is that everyone resents that one person and he/she is the only "blame-target" available for everything each other person doesn't like or won't accept as reality. Ideally, in a perfect world, each household takes responsibility for themselves and their specific, unique needs and then cooperates with each other to add another layer of safety and "first response" in a crisis.

It's not a perfect world. Which is why the Weather Channel and other safety-oriented groups put out the same old information every single year. People discount the probability of something bad happening to them, in their neighborhood, or community and also discount how self-reliant they'll have to be. They also over-estimate and take for granted that the official emergency response folks will be there to protect them and be able to restore services in an unrealistic time-frame.

Even here, where there is a lot of annual community education and awareness and acceptance that we are vulnerable to hurricanes -- it's amazing what people's expectations are. I keep checking and reading and revising my own plans... looking for weaknesses or things I've simply overlooked... because I know once something happens, or is immanent (expected within 24 hrs) chances are that one or two things I "forgot" aren't going to be available. I've learned the hard way, that if have the resources - but don't need them - it's a whole lot easier than the reverse. This year, I have to take inventory of my first aid supply stash... deal with water purification (which I didn't anticipate during Irene and wasn't an issue - this time)... and get a lot more specific about where we would go... if we do evacuate. And this whole community has their plan & response triage, down to an art - it's very, very good - because it has be. And yet, the individual self-sufficiency is critical to that plan.

But, back to you. We talked about some of the things you need, for yourself. You need more than Plan A - if Plan A is Mr. Useless - you need Plan B and Plan C - for some pretty basic needs. Nothing wrong or selfish about putting that same energy into taking care of those needs, for yourself.

[BonesMS]

Bones, I'm relieved you've come to this decision!

It's been my experience, that if one does step up and try to do all of that alone, the eventual consequence is that everyone resents that one person and he/she is the only "blame-target" available for everything each other person doesn't like or won't accept as reality. Ideally, in a perfect world, each household takes responsibility for themselves and their specific, unique needs and then cooperates with each other to add another layer of safety and "first response" in a crisis.

It's not a perfect world. Which is why the Weather Channel and other safety-oriented groups put out the same old information every single year. People discount the probability of something bad happening to them, in their neighborhood, or community and also discount how self-reliant they'll have to be. They also over-estimate and take for granted that the official emergency response folks will be there to protect them and be able to restore services in an unrealistic time-frame.

Even here, where there is a lot of annual community education and awareness and acceptance that we are vulnerable to hurricanes -- it's amazing what people's expectations are. I keep checking and reading and revising my own plans... looking for weaknesses or things I've simply overlooked... because I know once something happens, or is immanent (expected within 24 hrs) chances are that one or two things I "forgot" aren't going to be available. I've learned the hard way, that if have the resources - but don't need them - it's a whole lot easier than the reverse. This year, I have to take inventory of my first aid supply stash... deal with water purification (which I didn't anticipate during Irene and wasn't an issue - this time)... and get a lot more specific about where we would go... if we do evacuate. And this whole community has their plan & response triage, down to an art - it's very, very good - because it has be. And yet, the individual self-sufficiency is critical to that plan.

But, back to you. We talked about some of the things you need, for yourself. You need more than Plan A - if Plan A is Mr. Useless - you need Plan B and Plan C - for some pretty basic needs. Nothing wrong or selfish about putting that same energy into taking care of those needs, for yourself.

Thanks, P.R.

Part of my challenge is the finances.  I try to get what I need little by little.  However, some things are beyond my financial ability.

In addition, whenever the electricity goes out, for whatever reason, I've gotten phone calls at all hours, screaming at me, demanding to know WHEN the electricity is going to be restored!  I have no control over that.

[Meh]

Gosh, I would leave a msg on my telephone directing them to call the power company about restoring electricity then not answer the phone for a while so I don't have to be the one they vent their impatience on. Get a grip people.

So Bones, I can tell that you find some value out of being part of group functions. This homeowners group or whatever it is doesnt sound very fun or especially social, its something people do because its needed but nobody really wants to do it. I think that is what you are seeing.

In the past you stated that you were apart of creative art groups like that Smithsonian? was that it? display of the crochet sea stuff.

Some part of being a participant in a group is also the gestalt of the group as a whole. Oddly groups take on a personality of their own and it seems that it works best when there is a give and take or otherwise there does need to be a leader.

What other group activities are you involved in? Seems like something fun and cheerful would be a relief for you.

[BonesMS]

Gosh, I would leave a msg on my telephone directing them to call the power company about restoring electricity then not answer the phone for a while so I don't have to be the one they vent their impatience on. Get a grip people.

So Bones, I can tell that you find some value out of being part of group functions. This homeowners group or whatever it is doesn't sound very fun or especially social, its something people do because its needed but nobody really wants to do it. I think that is what you are seeing.

In the past you stated that you were apart of creative art groups like that Smithsonian? was that it? display of the crochet sea stuff.

Some part of being a participant in a group is also the gestalt of the group as a whole. Oddly groups take on a personality of their own and it seems that it works best when there is a give and take or otherwise there does need to be a leader.

What other group activities are you involved in? Seems like something fun and cheerful would be a relief for you.

Thanks, Starlight.

Unfortunately, I don't have the option of ignoring the phone during an emergency as I could be called out as part of CERT in response to whatever is happening.

You're right, I was part of the Smithsonian group that created the Hyperbolic Crochet Coral Reef.  I do enjoy being part of a creative group.  I've come to realize that attempting to be part of a negative group sucks me dry!   

[Hopalong]

Another vote for Fun and Cheerful group for you, Bones!

Hops

[BonesMS]

Another vote for Fun and Cheerful group for you, Bones!

Hops

Thanks, Hops!

I'm just fed up with "politicos" who do nothing but sit on their butts and ignore "the little guy".  Political game-playing sickens me!

From my perspective, for what it's worth, (and this may be from my Asperger's), people should say what they mean and mean what they say!

[BonesMS]

I think "Dear Abby" missed the mark with some of her advice, especially with the last letter!


http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20120129

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/alcoholic-mom-mothers-on.html

I think the Annies have their heads perpetually stuck up their butts!  The advice they are attempting to "dish out" today is WORSE than USELESS!!!!

[BonesMS]

Feeling voiceless in 3-D and having a bad moment with it.

[sKePTiKal]

From my perspective, for what it's worth, (and this may be from my Asperger's), people should say what they mean and mean what they say!

No Bones - it's not the AS - I think EVERYONE wants other people to say what they mean and mean what they say.

One of the negative unintended consequences of so many more people graduating college... is that there are so many more people with BS degrees... and I don't mean Bachelor of Science!! (BS was a prerequisite for my art degrees too; ever read people's artist statements??? I naively thought being an artist meant you could make things & sell them... but no; I was wrong... being an artist meant you could BS about the meaning of what you made!!! Boy, was that disillusionment.)

As it's an election year - there is going to be an epidemic of BS in all the media and even in conversation. It's only January, and I'm already recycling the paper without reading it; changing the channel on the TV and changing the subject in conversation. I think I'm just going to be a turtle on the topic of politics and hide until it's over... because no one really cares what I think and once I start down that conversation I'm not going to want to get off my soapbox. It's like us "real people" don't have any voice politically anymore.

But I had this idea: what if major decisions could be voted on - online - by us real people? Instead of the people we elect not representing us, and voting their own conscience (and opinion and ideology) instead? I know we're not going to agree on everything - but us real people get along anyway and don't "shut down" real life because of our differences. So why CAN'T Google or someone else set up the website and immediately calculate the pro/con votes - an "instant public barometer"  where we could only vote once... but would be able to know how many other people voted, too. And then send that total vote report into Congress with this disclaimer: this is what America WANTS you to do... you work for us and we can fire you.

It wouldn't be that expensive to maintain - maybe Google could do this as a public service?? How 'bout Apple? They've got lots of cash -- and their manufacturing is overseas... put some of it to work here, for the common good.

Ah.... fantasy life. It's so much preferable to "real life" some days. Can you tell I'm getting ready to start on my taxes? YUCK.

[sKePTiKal]

hey - ps -

you wanna talk about it? I'll stay on... I really don't want to work with that stack o' paper today.

[BonesMS]

From my perspective, for what it's worth, (and this may be from my Asperger's), people should say what they mean and mean what they say!

No Bones - it's not the AS - I think EVERYONE wants other people to say what they mean and mean what they say.

One of the negative unintended consequences of so many more people graduating college... is that there are so many more people with BS degrees... and I don't mean Bachelor of Science!! (BS was a prerequisite for my art degrees too; ever read people's artist statements??? I naively thought being an artist meant you could make things & sell them... but no; I was wrong... being an artist meant you could BS about the meaning of what you made!!! Boy, was that disillusionment.)

As it's an election year - there is going to be an epidemic of BS in all the media and even in conversation. It's only January, and I'm already recycling the paper without reading it; changing the channel on the TV and changing the subject in conversation. I think I'm just going to be a turtle on the topic of politics and hide until it's over... because no one really cares what I think and once I start down that conversation I'm not going to want to get off my soapbox. It's like us "real people" don't have any voice politically anymore.

But I had this idea: what if major decisions could be voted on - online - by us real people? Instead of the people we elect not representing us, and voting their own conscience (and opinion and ideology) instead? I know we're not going to agree on everything - but us real people get along anyway and don't "shut down" real life because of our differences. So why CAN'T Google or someone else set up the website and immediately calculate the pro/con votes - an "instant public barometer"  where we could only vote once... but would be able to know how many other people voted, too. And then send that total vote report into Congress with this disclaimer: this is what America WANTS you to do... you work for us and we can fire you.

It wouldn't be that expensive to maintain - maybe Google could do this as a public service?? How 'bout Apple? They've got lots of cash -- and their manufacturing is overseas... put some of it to work here, for the common good.

Ah.... fantasy life. It's so much preferable to "real life" some days. Can you tell I'm getting ready to start on my taxes? YUCK.

I've been "turtling" too....keeping the TV on the Qubo channel to avoid the political BS that I know is coming.  I like your ideas.  (I've been working on my taxes in stages in an attempt to organize the various categories such as medical:  doctors; medical: lab, etc.  YUCK is right!)

[BonesMS]

hey - ps -

you wanna talk about it? I'll stay on... I really don't want to work with that stack o' paper today.

Thanks, P.R.

I really need to talk with someone and, at the same time, I feel blocked in 3-D.  I can't call the Hotline numbers because they would all ring at where I used to work and I don't feel comfortable talking to my former co-workers about various conflicts that I struggle with...some of those conflicts included them due to differences of opinions and feeling like I didn't have any right to feel what I felt.  That is WAY too awkward!

While working on the medical deductions of my taxes...being reminded that when the next medical crisis hits, I have no one I can really depend on.  I learned that the hard way the last time I landed in the Emergency Room.  What REALLY hurt was that these same people made it a point of telling me, to my face, to CALL THEM the next time I have an emergency.  So, there I am, lying on a gurney in the E.R., the E.R. staff dial first one number only to get a voice-mail message that the voice-mailbox is full...CLICK!  The E.R. staff call the next number, which was the person's work....only to get another voice-mail message to leave a message.  The staff leaves a message and.....no return call the entire time I'm in the E.R.  I pull out my cell-phone and attempt to call one of my neighbors...no luck, no answer.  Then I attempt to call a THIRD person, get her on the phone and explain what's going on in the E.R. only to be informed...."too bad, I'm busy!"  So much for them telling me to contact them in an emergency!  Wasted my time and cell-phone minutes.

The latest conflict with the HOA Board was another reminder of how many people just don't care.  None of them are friends....only mere acquaintances.  It's hitting me that the people who I THOUGHT were my 3-D friends are only "fair weather friends", they stick around only when times are good and disappear when times go bad. 

Because I live alone, I could easily die alone and no one would really notice until the stench hit them in the face.  Then it would be simply a question of:  "Okay, who wants to deal with taking out the garbage?"

[sKePTiKal]

oh Bones... I hear ya! and I also hear the "what does someone like me do", too.

Let me think on this a little bit. MIL tried - longer than she should have - to maintain on her own alone. It was how she was used to living, she liked being on her own -- and it took a few scary moments and a few events to finally persuade her that she maybe needed to change her idea of "being on her own"... what that consisted of. We tried lots of different things to let her live alone - but not without a means of summoning help quickly. I'm gonna guess that some kind of assisted living community is out of your price range; not do-able.

A couple quick things... the local hospital provided a kind of "lifeline" phone/necklace service. I think there was a sliding fee monthly, for the service. This didn't help with the kind of mini-strokes MIL had (we didn't know what was going on until after the second, fatal stroke). She passed out so quickly she couldn't summon help until she came to a bit afterwards. So those things have limitations. But they are considerably better than nothing. There are a lot of these now - even like a Nurse Hotline who'll be able to tell you what to try at home or when to go to the ER.

The other thing I'm thinking about, is some kind of home visit service. There are a vast (and growing) number of kinds of these now. I have no idea how expensive or affordable they are... or how often you'd want someone to come by and check on you. Let me think on this and do some research.... because it's not like you're gonna need a nurse to come by everyday (and wouldn't want that, in any case)... or that you can't function just fine on your own (which is obvious, since you're so active and doing so many things)... and there's just the basic dignity issue to deal with too. I think I understand the basic desire to maintain as much self-reliance and self-sufficiency as one can - as long as one can.

And if we can't find just what it is you need out there... well, maybe we'll just have to invent that kind of service! 

Hubs has started on some of the taxes, so I have to participate. Be back in a while... might have to ask some more questions.

[BonesMS]

oh Bones... I hear ya! and I also hear the "what does someone like me do", too.

Let me think on this a little bit. MIL tried - longer than she should have - to maintain on her own alone. It was how she was used to living, she liked being on her own -- and it took a few scary moments and a few events to finally persuade her that she maybe needed to change her idea of "being on her own"... what that consisted of. We tried lots of different things to let her live alone - but not without a means of summoning help quickly. I'm gonna guess that some kind of assisted living community is out of your price range; not do-able.

A couple quick things... the local hospital provided a kind of "lifeline" phone/necklace service. I think there was a sliding fee monthly, for the service. This didn't help with the kind of mini-strokes MIL had (we didn't know what was going on until after the second, fatal stroke). She passed out so quickly she couldn't summon help until she came to a bit afterwards. So those things have limitations. But they are considerably better than nothing. There are a lot of these now - even like a Nurse Hotline who'll be able to tell you what to try at home or when to go to the ER.

The other thing I'm thinking about, is some kind of home visit service. There are a vast (and growing) number of kinds of these now. I have no idea how expensive or affordable they are... or how often you'd want someone to come by and check on you. Let me think on this and do some research.... because it's not like you're gonna need a nurse to come by everyday (and wouldn't want that, in any case)... or that you can't function just fine on your own (which is obvious, since you're so active and doing so many things)... and there's just the basic dignity issue to deal with too. I think I understand the basic desire to maintain as much self-reliance and self-sufficiency as one can - as long as one can.

And if we can't find just what it is you need out there... well, maybe we'll just have to invent that kind of service! 

Hubs has started on some of the taxes, so I have to participate. Be back in a while... might have to ask some more questions.

Thanks, P.R.

One of the other things I realized the other night, when the fire department was summoned, they had NO way of getting into the condo buildings because they have no Emergency Bypass Code to punch into the keypads!  If there were no one at the door to let them in, critical time would have been lost.