Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
standing up to an N
Dawning:
I absolutely must finish my packing but just wanted to say that I deeply appreciate the comments and the interest in this thread.
--- Quote ---What daya' reckon Dawning?
--- End quote ---
I reckon I need to process it all but I let me just say that the support here is very empowering and I finally feel like I have found the well where I can drink water without being pushed aside. I also reckon that this *well* is pretty big (testament to our big hearts, likely.)
And, CG, that is a very Aussie thing to say if I may make an observation. :)
I'm missing the group already but I am doing the get-out-of-the-city thing and will be computer-less for several days. I look forward to logging back in with more time to share.
~Dawning
Anonymous:
Havyaevaredeni c.j.dennis
CG :D
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: Anonymous ---
The big point for me in all of these is that you don’t respond to the content of the criticism or attack – no matter what it’s about – by arguing or defending.
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Hear, hear! My motto is: "Don't explain yourself." When I hear myself defending and explaining, I see I'm going down a bad road and immediately stop doing it.
Great post. I've never told my mother anything as blunt as this book describes, but she knows I am not to be trifled with. And I'm still scared of her! But I don't let her know it.
bunny
Wildflower:
--- Quote from: bunny ---
--- Quote ---The big point for me in all of these is that you don’t respond to the content of the criticism or attack – no matter what it’s about – by arguing or defending.
--- End quote ---
Hear, hear! My motto is: "Don't explain yourself." When I hear myself defending and explaining, I see I'm going down a bad road and immediately stop doing it.
--- End quote ---
That's a great motto, bunny. I think I'm only beginning to recognize when I'm on that road, but you're right. Once you realize you're there, it's time to stop - immediately. I'm wondering though, do you think this motto applies to everyone, or just your mother? {EDIT: I mean, I'm wondering whether, in some cases, explaining myself or even arguing and defending myself is the right thing to do - or if it's something I should avoid altogether, no matter who I'm talking to}
--- Quote ---"if she only knew what she was doing, she would stop."
--- End quote ---
I think I was doing this with my parents for a long time, too, and even now I slip into trying to get them to see my point of view if I'm tired or I forget ( :idea: forget what? that they're not like my friends? hmmm...need to think on that one). It's tough though, isn't it?
Have a great weekend!!! I'm so glad to hear you packing :D :D.
Wildflower
rosencrantz:
--- Quote ---I'm wondering though, do you think this motto applies to everyone, or just your mother?
--- End quote ---
Hi Wildflower - I'm wondering, too. I wonder why?! :wink: :D
Here, now, recently, and a while back -
On another occasion, other people became irritated, involved, angry, sad, mean, hurtful when I was struggling with this issue. To explain or not to explain; to be or not to be (!)
.... uncomfortable, shameful, helpless is how it felt. Some people think this should 'stop'. Some people want to laugh. Some people want to pack up and go home. Some people want to stab, maim and kill.
Well, I guess that's their individual problem to deal with - it's a pity if it interferes with me and others trying to sort themselves out.
My goodness, some people were so spiteful, full of blame, and holier than thou on that previous occasion. Now that I know how important the journey was, those attitudes just make me feel so angry! I should have been angry about it back then - but I was just too ashamed and frightened - and they fed that shame and fear. So I also now realise that their attitude was simply abusive and perpetuates the abuse already inflicted on our innocent hearts (ie when we were children).
For my money, if we (you and I) hadn't struggled - in all good heart - neither of us would have discovered what we did.
Sometimes we need to find a hard place to come up against for the truth to burst free.
What do you think???????
I'm glad, really glad, we went on that short journey together. I love the post you did earlier today. And I know I've made a major breakthrough, too!!!!
And I know something else even more clearly today - when two people are both hurting, they both want to be heard at the same time. And that's going to be true in marriage. And intimate close relationships of any kind. And it's almost impossible for both parties to get heard at the same time. So that explains a lot, too (tho I'm not sure what the solution is!).
Hugs, mega hugs - and thank you. :)
R
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