Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
standing up to an N
Anonymous:
Dawning,
You don't sound bitchy in your letter. My guess is that you sent some kind of Christmas newsletter to a group email, and she didn't like it; and asked to be taken off the list in a mean way. She could have just deleted the email if she wasn't into it. I used to get "group email" jokes from a woman and they were coming every day. I asked her to remove me from her list. I wrote to her in a businesslike manner. I think she was hurt, but I didn't care, because she was basically bothering me with her dumb emails.
One Christmas email isn't going to kill anyone. There are people who literally hate these family newsletters and who find them deeply offensive. Maybe your ex-friend is one of them. In any case, her request for YOU to call HER is quite nervy so don't do it.
bunny
Dawning:
P and Bunny,
Thanks for the letter feedback. It wasn't a xmas mass mailing on my part that set her off. It was that her needs were not being met, she did not make those needs known to me and when I sent her a friendly email to stay in touch, she lashed out with character assassination-techniques probably designed to make me feel guilty. Immediately, I wrote the letter I posted above. It was empowering to do that cause it felt like I had removed something yucky (not HER but the reaction reading her email had on me) that would have festered if I had not sent the letter. N parents are a bit trickier. No, ALOT trickier. If only it were this easy. Mind you, this woman was not a good friend. We worked together. I shared some confidences with her and vice-versa and I did not deserve to have those confidences thrown back in my face as ammunition. NOT the type of person I want to share confidences with in the future. NOT a safe place. I think the sad part is that she could have expressed her feelings without resorting to the types of things she said in that letter. Okay, maybe I haven't fully detached from parent-issues, maybe I have been attracted to lying English men in the past and maybe the people at my place of employment ARE facists...but what is her point? I think her letter was a cry for help but. doing so in that way, is not the way to get my help. I'm not stoopid (anymore.) :x :) Today, I got a letter from a friend talking about something that happened a long time ago and her feelings about it. She didn't attack me and I responded telling her that it was good that she brought this up. Therein lies the difference.
Portia:
Hey Dawning:
--- Quote ---I did not deserve to have those confidences thrown back in my face as ammunition.
--- End quote ---
Anyone that uses confidences as ammunition is not a friend. No-one deserves that.
--- Quote ---Okay, maybe I haven't fully detached from parent-issues, maybe I have been attracted to lying English men in the past and maybe the people at my place of employment ARE facists...but what is her point?
--- End quote ---
Yeah! What IS her point? I agree, why is she saying these things to you? Sounds like she’s trying to get you to see things her way (and is trying to undermine you), and that smacks of trying to control – something I’d run away from very fast. IF those things are true, only you know that and only you can deal with your reactions to them…so why is she attacking you about them? That’s how it seems from what you’ve written. Some kind of power-play. Chuck it. And her asking you to call her? Yeah, because she’s got a reaction from you, an angry one, she feels back in control, she can reel you in for another go. And she knows she’s upset you so maybe that makes her feel better!!!! Aurgh. :evil: Nasty. Ignoring them is the only option. Maybe I’m way off here but this is what I saw in your post. Take care D. P
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: Dawning ---Okay, maybe I haven't fully detached from parent-issues, maybe I have been attracted to lying English men in the past and maybe the people at my place of employment ARE facists...but what is her point?
--- End quote ---
To tell you that she's a nutcase?
I'm glad you had a sane interaction with another friend. :P
bunny
Jenocidal:
When my narcissistic mother plays her usual games with me, I don't take it anymore like I did as a child. Since the day I left home, for good when I was 16, I learned to stand up for myself. Now when the narcissist rages on me (like my mother did and does so much), I RAGE right back at her, with more fervor.. And it has done the job. She will backdown. However, I have come to the end of my rope where she is concerned and have extractd her from my life, for good.
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