Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
standing up to an N
Dawning:
No offense taken, CG. :)
I just realized that "fix her" really means "help her see the light" to my heart/mind. See the light meaning to have the ability to do all the things that people fitting the NPD description apparently simply cannot do - simple as that.
This just came into my thoughts: I want from her what I can't have from her. I must have realized that in childhood and coped by telling myself that I shouldn't want anything and so, yes, I have deprived myself in certain areas that were important to me...and now I want to want a more meaningful life and I am wondering if part of that change may involve standing up to her.
--- Quote ---What qualifies her, or whose authority does she have to pass comment on you in the first place anyway.
--- End quote ---
It is that entitlement thing that N's have, isn't it?
--- Quote ---Do you feel you need fixing?
Do you want to change?
--- End quote ---
Sure, there are things that I would like to change and fix about myself. I'm not perfect. But those are my responsibilities. "Ma" projects on me. She has major issues with taking responsibilty for HER actions. Lucky her, she has a daughter she can blame (being sarcastic here) whenever she feels entitled to.
Here is a snippet of the letter I have written, "if I have to break down in order to get love and attention, then I would have to wonder what type of person I was dealing with."
Thanks for asking those questions above. :) And for sharing how you have dealt with your *ma.* Right now - as an emergency measure- I am surrounding myself with "white light" (read: Judith Orwell`s Positive Energy.)
And, "achieving a real win" really struck a chord. Thanks, CG. Thanks so much for posting. (I think you wrote that to me once too and I thought it was a lovely thing to write so can I borrow it? :?: :D
And, lastly, what might be better served on another thread - this thing they have with entitlement really makes me angry. :x
~still Dawning.
Wildflower:
Hi Dawning,
--- Quote ---She sent a string of terrible emails last month when I mentioned to her a personal, intimate event that made me happy. I wanted to share my happiness with her and, instead, she throws all this rage at me!
--- End quote ---
This is so sadly typical of N behavior. Rojo had a good thread in which she was working out what to say to her mother, and she included some of the back-and-forth exchanges. I’ll see if I can hunt it down.
--- Quote ---When I wouldn't do this, she proceeded to tell me all the ways I was deficient as a person. When dawn broke and I went into the room to go to bed, she insisted that I hug her, telling me that she loved me.
--- End quote ---
Blech. Yep, my dad, too. I can’t count the number of times he’s had a big blow out (the highlight of which being the shredding of me) and then I’ve had to hold him at the end (weeping) to reassure him that everything’s okay. And, um, he's a big guy. :roll:
In the meantime? Be a swan here and everywhere – just not with her because it sounds like she’s likely to pull off your feathers.
Hang in there,
Wildflower
Wildflower:
Here it is. It's called, "Help - Attention Campaign":
http://voicelessness.com/disc3/viewtopic.php?t=407
Wildflower
Wildflower:
--- Quote ---"if I have to break down in order to get love and attention, then I would have to wonder what type of person I was dealing with."
--- End quote ---
BLECHHHHHHHHH. Okay, yeah. My advice? Show her you're the kind of person who doesn't put up with emotional blackmail, childish tantrums from adults, and who takes responsibility for her own growth, thankyouverymuch.
Wildflower
Wildflower:
--- Quote ---And there wasn't anything wrong with me, that losing her didn't fix.
--- End quote ---
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That's a good one. :D :D :D
Wildflower
P.S. - I'll try to get my replies in ONE post next time :roll: :D
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