Ouch!

[debkor]

I think I need to rant.  I am stressed out.

My neighbor next doors D has just turned 24 and married a man who is 50.  He beats her up.  The poor neighbors are besides themselves and in agony because there is nothing they can do to make her leave him. 

There has been an episode this weekend where he really blackened her eye and he's in jail now. Before there were strangle, guns, and god knows what else.

The daughter was coming over tonight to drop something off and  they begged me to stay to talk to her.  I told them she would not listen to me.  She is still taking collect phone calls from him in jail as of today.

I told them again she will not listen to me or anyone else.  They begged and begged me.  The mom looks so desperate.  She said maybe she will listen to some one else.    So I did.  I asked her what happened to your eye.  She got quiet and put her head down.
I said, I know what happened.  I've been there done that but not to your extent.  Then she started to talk.

She is no way near wanting help for herself right now.  She wants help for him.  She is still in the denial stage.  I told her this. 
I told her I have been there. 

She said.  Well he's in jail now and he is scared.  I will not let him do this again.  I said are you leaving?  She said No.  I looked at her and said I cannot tell you how important it is to LEAVE.  Get help from outside.  You don't' have to divorce him right now but you must leave him.  You give him the chance and he will kill you.

She said she will think about it and may call professionals.  I don't know if she will or she's ready yet. 

But she is only 1 year older then my daughter and she was so beat up I want to take my fist knock him out. 

Please say a prayer because I think in my state that the state can make these charges stick even if she does not want them to.  Something with domestic violence and if the police are called enough the state will press the charges.  There is no hiding anything this time.  It's  clear she's been assaulted by him and I hope he does enough time for her to be away from him and clear her head a little get counseling and get rid of the bastard.

I saw the poor things face and that knot immediately popped right out in my neck.

She was so bruised and swollen and so very young.
Her poor mom and dad are so depressed and heartbroken.  They are going for counseling for themselves.  They are afraid someday they are going to get a call she's dead.
My heart goes out to them. They were pleading with her and it was so sad to watch. 



Love
Deb

[teartracks]

Hi Deb,

I don't think there's much chance the daughter has the presence of mind to do it herself, nor do I think she  realizes the danger she is in, so do you think the parents might speak with or hired a professional interventionist?  Sorry, that's the only idea I have for a situation like the one you describe. 

tt

[debkor]

TT,

Yeah I agree TT she does not have the presence of mind and no she does not realize the danger she is in.   I was so taken back with the way she looks I did not even think of what you are saying.  Thank you I will pass it on to her mom.  I know the mom will do whatever it takes. 

Thanks again.

Love
Deb

[Iphi]

What a horrible situation deb.  I'm sorry.  No doubt he chose her in part for her youth and naivete.  What about contacting a local women's shelter and asking them for advice?

[debkor]

Iphi,

No doubt is right.  Her mom is going to call every resource out there.  TT is right professional intervention is the way to go.  I took her by surprise tonight and she did talk.  So there is a glimmer of hope.

Her Hs court date is tommorrow and I really hope they can keep him in jail.  The longer he is away the more someone can talk to her.  He isolates her from everyone. 

Love
Deb

[Hopalong]

Can you go to court and tesitfy, Deb?

And can the judge please see her standing there with her battered face?

 

Hops

[teartracks]

Hi deb,

Along the lines of what Hops says, do you think she would agree to have someone take photos of her wounds?

tt

[debkor]

Authentic,

No I disagree there.  They begged me to confront her about her eye.  They are so desperate.  Now If I am to take on the caretaker roll it would be a wholeeeee different ball game.  She's just a kid and I would be so KICKING HIS ASS. 


I am just trying to show compassion to the parents..

Love
Deb

[debkor]

TT and Hops,
 

Here is the good thing.  The police have pictures and will be presenting them tommorrow in court.  I think he may be shit out of luck and hope the judge keeps him in jail.

He is a disgusting pig.

Love
Deb

[finding peace]

Deb,

This is so tragic and sad.

Please let us know what happens.

(I hope and pray he gets jail time and she gets an intervention while he is locked up.)

Peace

[Certain Hope]

Deb,

I'm here, too...  hoping and praying for the very best for this girl and her family.
And I know it's hard for you to see this and feel so helpless... hugs to you (((((((Deb)))))))
my oldest daughter is her age, too. It's heartbreaking to be unable to keep them safe.

Love,
Hope

[Ami]

Dear Deb,
   I am so sorry that this type of abuse exists. No one should live like this .           Love  Ami

[lighter]

Oh Deb.... I wonder if hearing the statistics on Domestic Violence would help her find some clarity? 

Brave of you to open yourself up to rejection by talking to her. 

You did a good thing and I hope it sinks in eventually. 

Before it's too late.

[NoMoreMindGames]

hi deb,

i'm so sorry to read about your neighbor's daughter.  i pray that her husband is in jail for a good long time, and she gets the help she needs to come to her senses.  i wonder if there is any way you could introduce the daughter to some online resources to help educate her?  and also, obviously yes...she needs some serious counseling, intervention, resources.

love,
nmmg

[axa]

Deb,

What a terrible situation.  I think there is so little can be done if she is not willing to face the reality of the situation.  I am concerned about you when psycho comes out of jail.  Years ago I put myself in a similiar situation and suffered for it.  I want you to be very careful.  She is the one who has to do something.  It sounds like she has a real support system and yet is so in denial that she could end up saying anything to the psycho.

Please be careful

Axa