advice?

[towrite]

I blew it. My thin veneer of control is beginning to fray. A good friend took a mutual friend and I to brunch two weeks ago. It was to thank us for our attention when she had back surgery. It was a nice gesture and I was looking forward to it. I had been very depressed the day before over the mtn. incident. That night (before the brunch) my brother showed up at my house. I was still very miffed with him for the way he had treated me in the mtns., but I finally just told him how hurt I'd been by the fact that he never even consulted his own sister, who has a Ph.D. in the field, about his son who is alarming disturbed @13 y.o. and desperately needs treatment. He actually got up out of his chair and came and hugged me, said he was sorry, that it had never occurred to him to ask me, and that he knew how much I loved his son. It made me feel better, so I was up enough to look forward to brunch the next morning.

Sorry this is so long. At brunch, at one of our favorite brunch restaurants, where I had been looking forward to my eggs benedict from two previous brunches, my order came and it was nothing like what I'd had the last two times. Who ever served eggs benedict without hollandaise sauce???? Anyway, I sent the order back and asked for the sauce. They said they'd never had the sauce. According to my other friend who was there, I "kinda" made a scene - I had the manager and the waiter hovering at the table.

Anyway, I had a good time despite, but the friend who took us there got angry with me b/c, as she told the other friend in private" she was just trying to do something nice. I had absolutely no clue - what a blunderbuss I was - that she was angry and how tactless I had been.

I only found out this morning that she is mad with me from my other friend. The brunch friend has not spoken to me in over two weeks. I knew instinctively something was wrong but had no idea what. I've called, left messages, been to her house, her work, emailed, and no response til yesterday when she claimed her migraines were back with a "vengeance" and she would contact me when she felt like talking. No mention of being angry.

Now what do I do? I sent her an email saying I had just learned about her anger and was very sorry. This stress is wearing me down til I have no social graces left.

I have 2 more months of money left, my landlord has declared he's selling the house out from under me (despite our verbal agreement for me to buy it if he decided to sell), and I have not found a job yet.

I am in a black hole.

towrite

[mudpuppy]

but the friend who took us there got angry with me b/c, as she told the other friend in private" she was just trying to do something nice.

So it's OK for you to pay attention to this person while she's having back surgery, but you can't ask for Hollandaise sauce without her getting her panties in a knot about it for two weeks and then lying about it?
Sounds like a doofus to me. She oughta be apologizing to you.

Now what do I do?

Let her fume, and concentrate on what you need to; getting your needs in order so you can get out of the hole you are in.

mud

[dandylife]

Re: friend

You must "let go". You are in the distancing dance. The closer you try and get to her, the more she will pull away. Let her "recover" and try again in 2 weeks or more.

Re: house

You can't trust people to do what they say. Always get things in writing! Too late, I know. Also, how could he sell to you if you have no employment? Tough to ask of him. Concentrate on getting the job.

Sorry you have such troubles! Are there contacts/referrals you can take advantage of ? Church members, former employers/employees, neighbors, friends, relatives - who may know of jobs? Now's the time to call in all the favors of the past.

Good luck! Will be thinking of you and sending all good vibes.

Love,
Dandylife

[lighter]

Ummmmm.....

I'm pretty sure we're all morally obligated to throw a public fit if served Egg's Benedict sans sauce.

::nodding::

The NERVE!

Chin up, pray for guidance and the ability to help yourself. 

You're going to get through this then finally realize why things had to be this way. 

((towrite))

[Certain Hope]

Oh (((((((Towrite))))))) ... it's not your job to expend energy on touchy, touchy people who would rather see you go without hollandaise than speak up. Good grief... this wasn't even just a mistake in your order, it was an outright lie on the part of the server.
I agree with Mud. Your angry friend is the one who should apologize for not coming to you directly, but instead choosing to gossip about this to another friend, who also should apologize to you for not just tellin her that in the first place. More hugs to you... I'm sorry you're feeling so low right now and I'm praying for new doors to open for you posthaste.

With love,
Hope

[towrite]

Oh, you make me giggle, esp. you Mud. I love it when someone reframes the situation and throws a different perspective on it. I love the moral obligation, too, from Lighter. CS, you're right. I have such limited emotional resources at the moment that I do not need to waste them on a friend who is angry for a no-good reason.

Thanks.

[Ami]

Dear towrite,
 I love to see your posts and REALLY miss you when you are not here.
  Your situation reminds me of a "feud" between two people who I know.
   One girl went to the other 's house and loved her new wood floor. When she had her house remodeled, she got the same floor. When the first girl found out about it, she NEVER talked to the other one again for COPYING her.
  Towrite-- you did NOTHING wrong. Good woman friends are very hard to find.
 To me, THAT would be the END  of the friendship.-- PERIOD.
    I am sorry that you are going through so, so much stress and pain. You sound like a sweet and darling soul, who is greatly, under appreciated by a very "dumb" family ( and  friend)                        Love   Ami

[teartracks]

Hi ((((((((towrite))))))))),

I think the others have done a great job adding perspective to the awkward place you're in with your two 'friends'.  So I'll just add a little story I came across last year.  I think I shared it on the board as a matter of fact.  Dont' know where to go back and find it, so I'll repost.

tt
 
"In a small village, a young woman spreads an unkind rumor. Her victim goes to the village rabbi to get justice for her ruined reputation. The gossipmonger offers to make amends by taking back her words, demonstrating that she does not truly understand the harm she has caused. The rabbi invents a creative way to teach the heedless woman the destructive power of rumors and gossip.

"He tells her: 'Take my feather pillow to the market square. Cut it open and let the feathers fly through the air. When this task is done, bring back the feathers, every one.' Although she thinks the rabbi has gone mad, she follows his strange instructions. Of course, she cannot possibly retrieve all the feathers, and thus learns the intended lesson: 'I suppose,' she sighed as she lowered her head, 'they are like the words I can't take back from the rumor I spread.'

[Iphi]

Okay, not allowed to send your order back because somehow this is... what?  What is the problem?  She's lucky you didn't just laugh in her face.  Honestly.  If you order your coffee in an unusual way is she sent into a decline? 

[lighter]

Okay, not allowed to send your order back because somehow this is... what?  What is the problem?  She's lucky you didn't just laugh in her face.  Honestly.  If you order your coffee in an unusual way is she sent into a decline? 

I once was upset about a meal I ordered and my companion was upset at me for being upset.

He felt that since he was purchasing my food I should sit there and eat it happily, happy or not.

I will say this..... we were in a non english speaking country so he was right about relaxing and just enjoying in that case.

BUT......

::whispering::

 in the USA we have expectations of service and food quality that SAYS THEY HAVE TO BRING HOLLANDAISE ON EGGS BENEDICT!

::ahem::

Anyone should understand that...

even ungrateful people who've just been helped through surgery by us bc we're kind and caring people, (until we don't get our sauce, lol; )

[axa]

towrite,

What rubbish........... gotta have your sauce with your eggs benedict.  Firstly, well done, for being assertive and asking for what you ordered.

Secondly........... my head was spinning from the indirect conversations that seem to be going on.  I really think if you have something to say you should say it to the individual involved and if they don't want to hear it then don't say it.  Passing on hearsay stuff just causes trouble.  Also i am always suspicious about the "messengers" why are they involved in the drama and it does seem like a drama.

Girl, Mud is right, you need to take your energy and use it for yourself.  You have so much going on right now, please try and focus on how you feel, what you need and take care of you.

axa