Ami

[towrite]

You are so helpful to me - so brave and real.

Please tell me where your quote came from. I love it, want to use it, but want to credit it also.

I remember the first time I realized my definition of self was a "lie". It was so powerful and I decided to step out of the lie and start being the real me, a self I had defined, not others. For the first time, I felt naked, totally new, almost without skin, but also very alone. It was a shock to me to realize I had always been alone with only the company of the lies to rely on. It was a terrible, vulnerable feeling, with no protection - but at the same time it was a FOG (f***** opportunity for growth). For the first time I felt I could see actual light in my life. May it be that way for you, too.

It has been awhile since that light went on. Now I find that my shame was also built on lies and I must work to dismantle them again. Thankfully this time part of that work is already done. And, thankfully, I have y'all.

towrite

P.S. In my part of the world we say "nekkid". 

[Ami]

Dear towrite,
  What a heartwarming thread--- THANK YOU.
   I really was praying for some special support as I went through that "Shocked" thread. I think that you heard my prayers.
   Yesterday was the HARDEST day for me since I found the board.As far as the 'shame spiral", I had moments of "shame" yesterday that everyone on the board would hate me b/c I was  "bleeding " all over the place.I was picturing people saying,"Get  over it , ALREADY."
 I was feeling like 'rejection" would come flying at me.I pictured nobody responding to my "guts" oozing all over the place and then I would be humiliated and embarrassed. Then, I might even need to run away.
  When I read your thread-- apology-- I knew that that was what you were doing.What has really saved me from those shame spirals is having a few friends on the board to PM.There are board members(IME)who are threatened by deep healing and will try to shame you INTO shutting up. This is the worst thing that you can do.
   I could not function on the board without the few friends  that I can trust . I know that they will give me advice which is for MY good, not to shut me up b/c they are
uncomfortable.
   It is VERY easy for us to get in to a shame spiral and then run away. It is important that we don't run away b/c we NEED to be healed. The N's have stolen ENOUGH from us.
  You can PM me any time if you want to
 I am really glad that you could be vulnerable enough to write that "apology" thread. That was reaching out. It must have been very,very hard to do-- in the state that you were in.
I am so glad that you are here. I bet that you feel better  that you have dropped some "shame" as a result of facing your 'feelings' about unloading and seeing that it was NOT the case at all.
                                                           Much Love to You     Ami

[Ami]

Dear towrite,
   I heard that quote on the radio ( when I was not home) and I did not have a pen to write down the author. Sorry,but it is a wonderful quote .                                         Love      Ami

[Lupita]

Dear Ami an Towrite, I have so much fallen into those shames, that one feels shame and does not know what made it what caused it and just feeling so much shame, such a sence of humilliation. And the worst I start thinking, why, nothing happened today, I hd a good day, there is no reason, still feel shame.

[Iphi]

Please forgive me I am way behind on the board!

Thank you for talking about shame spirals and humiliation.  It helps me a lot in gaining some distance when it happens to me, which it often, often does.  Hopefully recognizing this will help everyone step away from it when it happens and we will realize that it is not US.

towrite, I found the quote - that is the good news.  The bad news is that apparently there is a lot of debate about who was the first to say it, but it might have been Emiliano Zapata, or Dolores Ibarruri, or Jose Marti, or Aeschylus(!):
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Emiliano_Zapata

[towrite]

Thanks, Iphi, I'll look it up. As for the shame, it is so deeply ingrained in me that I have to work really hard to be aware of it. It's sneaky - I feel and do things, say things, having no idea they come from shame til I hear something from someone else on the board and all is revealed. The shame still makes me frightened - I am so afraid, always have been, that the tapes in the shame messages are or will come true.

That's where I am now.

towrite

[Bella_French]

I also feel shame, and towrite, it is very sneaky for me too.

I am not 100% sure, but I think my shame affects my stomach and manifests as anxiety. But I am hazy on this. Can any of you identify how shame affects you physucaly? I would appreciate your help on this.
X bella