On Friday, there was a Hispanic meeting of professionals and I was invited by a singer with whom I rehearse music, she sings and I play the piano and we are trying to get an agent to se if we can present our work in front of public. I found my friend O from the book club, and her best friend S. S always ignored me, she was jealous for the friendship that started between O and me. She is the one that started the problems with me and O. O depends very much on S and S depends very much on O. I want to be independent. O’s mother is extremely dominant and she also wanted to make me do things that I did not want. So, I saw them at the meeting and felt extremely sad because they had cut me off totally of their activities. I almost passed out of triggering feelings, but I recovered in a few minutes and by the end of the day I was having fun at the place talking with other people that I met there. On Saturday I was feeling great again.
I call this thread progress, because in the past, remembering or seeing somebody who had mistreated me in the past, made me feel depressed for weeks and weeks. This time I did not give a s*t for the incident.
Also in the same place, the singer whom I was with, she asked me three times the same question in front of different people. I fell in her trap the three times. I know that I am not going to fall in her trap again. I know that. But in the past, that would have been enough to cut that person off. But I cannot be so picky. I have to be able to deal with people no matter what, and have friends even if they do bad things, because they are humans and I am sure I do things and they tolerate me and accept me, then I have to do the same thing. Nobody is perfect. I am starting to feel sympathy and nice feelings for people and I am starting to be grateful to be alive. Six months ago, I wanted to die. So, I am progressing very much. Part of that progress id due to this board.
The incident of the singer was the following. She waits for somebody new to come and talk to us, then she asks me if I get mad if she imitates my accent, then I say no, then she imitates my accent then I imitate hers, then the person that is new to us gets mad at me for retaliating after saying that I do not get mad for her to imitate my accent. She did it already three times. The first time it almost became messy because one perosn got offended and somebody else had to change the subject to stop something that could be hurtful and get me in trouble. I know that in the future she will do it again. But I am going to be alert. I am not going to get mad at her. Just not let my self fall in the trap again. Next time she imitates my accent doing her little show in front of people, I will ignore it and change the subject. That is the only bad things she has done. I cannot cut people off my life for one thing. I would end up alone forever if I do that.
I think I am growing. Also, I got mad for one of the posts in my last thread and I did not respond to that person with an explosion of, “how dare you” or, acting offended, or withdraw. I guess I am growing. A lot of my progress is due to this board.
So, I want to thank everybody, the posts that make me feel wonderful, and the posts that make me feel bad, and everybody for their patience, for their help. And please, keep writing.
Do you have any insight about my friend the singer?
Thank you dear friends, I appreciate you and love you. God bless you all!!!!!
