Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mother's Day Messages
Anonymous:
Hi Michelle,
just a quick note. I want you to know that I don't think you were being invasive at all. Just helping me to think. Thank you for your thoughts, and your supportive messages. They are very appreciated.
For the last day or so, I have been taking a break from journeying in depth here. I am reading a little, but not thinking very hard or engaging as much... just trying for some momentary peace, I guess (#3) ;)
... more later, sjkravill
Michelle:
Hi Singer -
--- Quote ---But I don't think it's a lack of reality, it's because once the N has vented her anger, the reality changes and if I, uncooperatively, persist in trying to get to the heart of what caused the rage in the first place, then I am the difficult one. It's over when she says it's over. End of story.
--- End quote ---
I have such a hard time understanding that. That is so far from my sense of "reality" in my own life. I can totally see that you are right though...I'm just having a hard time getting my brain around it where my mother is concerned.
So I guess your mother - where she had the better dress, her menopause outweighed your pregnancy, your divorce was insignificant to her - all of those are her trying to "one up" you? How can a mother be that way? It goes against every fiber of motherhood to me. Some days all of this "N-trait-understanding" is so overly overwhelming to me. Today is one of those days. I just see all those examples of your mom (pretty much mirroring my own mother) as selfish, inconsiderate, immature, crap!!!!! I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive her for that. Are you having trouble with that aspect too?
--- Quote ---You're way ahead of me. It's taken me a very long time to realize that preserving my sanity was even an option. And frankly, I'm not sure that it is still an option. :)
--- End quote ---
You could not be farther from the truth in saying that I am ahead of anybody. I have just started this journey. But I have received so so so so so so so so so much bullshit from my mom that if I don't cut her off, I'll go off the deep end. No joke. And referring to sanity, believe me - some days are better than others. This is obviously a not so sane day for me. :wink:
Chat more soon!
michelle
Michelle:
Hi Sjkravill -
Thanks for the note. I appreciate you allowing me to dig deeper into your situation. If I ever get too deep, just tell me to back off. I promise I won't take offense. :)
Take your time in your journey. I'm not sure about everyone else, but I just visit when I can. I also have to take mental breaks. Things get way overwhelming sometimes.
Chat soon,
Michelle
Singer:
--- Quote from: Singer ---You're way ahead of me. It's taken me a very long time to realize that preserving my sanity was even an option. And frankly, I'm not sure that it is still an option. :)
--- End quote ---
--- Quote from: Michelle ---You could not be farther from the truth in saying that I am ahead of anybody. I have just started this journey. But I have received so so so so so so so so so much bullshit from my mom that if I don't cut her off, I'll go off the deep end. No joke. And referring to sanity, believe me - some days are better than others. This is obviously a not so sane day for me. :wink:
--- End quote ---
Hi Michelle,
That was just awkward on my part. I didn't mean that I thought you were saying you were ahead of anyone. This two-way communication thing is still new to me. :(
I wouldn't recommend going off the deep end, having tried it, (not literally) but I do know about having to cut it off. There were times that it felt as though I didn't really exist unless my mother was willing to put me into words and I counted on her to do that. It didn't turn out so good, and I wouldn't recommend it.
--- Quote ---I just see all those examples of your mom (pretty much mirroring my own mother) as selfish, inconsiderate, immature, crap!!!!! I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive her for that. Are you having trouble with that aspect too?
--- End quote ---
That's been one of the hardest aspects of this for me. I was so angry when I realized that for all intents and purposes, I'd been had. She considers me a fool, and that's because I let her make a fool of me. So, yes, I'm angry. I'm trying to get past the anger and become detached. I think that would be the best I could hope for.
When I feel anger, and especially when I try to tell others about my anger, I feel like I'm becoming just like her. Except smaller and made out of cheap fabric. Not a nice feeling.
Take care, (and I do mean that literally :) )
Singer
Dawning:
--- Quote ---That's been one of the hardest aspects of this for me. I was so angry when I realized that for all intents and purposes, I'd been had. She considers me a fool, and that's because I let her make a fool of me. So, yes, I'm angry. I'm trying to get past the anger and become detached. I think that would be the best I could hope for.
When I feel anger, and especially when I try to tell others about my anger, I feel like I'm becoming just like her. Except smaller and made out of cheap fabric. Not a nice feeling.
--- End quote ---
Hi Singer, I've been meaning to reply to you for some time. You've said things here and there that have struck some similar chords in me and I can sense the frustration you and Michelle, etc feel. Everybody on the board feels! That frustration. Heh..last night I was chatting with my cousin and heard her opinion that my aunt is frustrated with my frustration among other things. Sheesh, I can't just be frustrated without someone getting offended. :x That is the role I played in my family. Being responsible for everyone's feelings and state-of-mind. I disengaged to some extent (or I would probably be dead or in an asylum) but "they" haven't changed. They still want to win "the game." And I still have the memories and those memories hold alot of anger. I haven't detached from my own anger - and pain. And I don't have a good plan on how to detach from them.
I wouldn't talk to others generally about your anger (frustration, etc.) Talk here. I recently had to draw back from a close friend who thought I was nutso when I brought up my feelings about my mother's rage. I'm trying to find expressions for my anger these days that don't involve cigarettes and beer mainly in artistic pursuits and intellectual challenges. You are not becoming like your mother if you get angry. Angry is a normal feeling. It is the expression that counts. Am I understanding you correctly? Don't let your mother get under your skin with her cheap fabric. I understand those not-nice-feelings too. Distractions to my thoughts help as a short-term solution but in the long-term, no real change in relating is made by distracting oneself. That is why I think this board is so therapeutic. I look forward to hearing more from you.
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