Author Topic: Enforcing my boundaries  (Read 9471 times)

Lupita

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Enforcing my boundaries
« on: September 23, 2007, 03:41:01 PM »
Am I being harassed? Not openly. But there is something going on in school. My new boss said that his hero is Bill O’Reily a talk show host who is all the time talking about immigration and usually against. My point is not to make a political debate. Please, do not misunderstand me. My boss then said that the USA needs to build bigger walls against Mexico because many Mexicnas are coming into this country. Then he told me that if I think that all those immigrants should at least  learn English, I told him that I speak English, Russian, Spanish and French. Then he told me in three occasions that why I did not go back to my country. Today in Sunday school he was there, you know I work in a Christian school, and I have to go to thier church, I told everybody that I became an American Citizen this week and that I was so proud because I had worked very hard for it as opposed to some people who took it for granted when some , not all, just some, were born here by the grace of God. Everybody applauded  me and congratulated me, and I said that for me to be an American it was a privilege, and I knew how many people lose their lives trying it, and pay the ultimate price to accomplish their dreams and there I am with my dream come true. He did not applaud. But later he said, oh you will make me cry. I personally think he is not being  sincere, but I leave it up to God. And I trust that God will take care of me and protect me from him. Pray everyday that God will change his heart.
Also, teacher bring the students ofr the foreign language class , elementary teachers, and they bring them before time and pick them up after time, and when I get just five minutes late they make everybody scold me. So, last week when a teacher brought children early, I said I am going to the bathroom because I still have then more minutes. Then she had to stay in the classroom babysitting the students. Then when I came back I still had two more minutes and she told the students, Ms. Lupita still has two minutes of brake, so I have to stay here with you for two more minutes. I thought she was being annoying but I was enforcing my boundaries. All year long last year I did not complained. But last week I had a parent from high school since I teach high school and elementary, she was mad at me ofr her child doing bad in my class, so I had to diffuse her anger, and explain that her child needed to memorize the vocabulary, took me time, so I got late to one of the elementary classes and the teacher complained and I got scolded in front of public. What did the boss said? That why did I scheduled a conference when i had another class? I did not schedule a conference. I was taking care of business in the moment they arrived. If I did not pay attention to the parent he also would have been mad at me for not taking care of the parent. So with this man there is no way I can get things well. So, that is why this week I started to  tell teachers not to bring children earlier that they are supposed to.  My life is hard. But I do not complain, God is blessing me with growing up.
What do you think?

lighter

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2007, 04:07:15 PM »
I think you see how all these problems are helping you grow and learn new skills.

Coping and problem solving are things you're doing every day at your place of work. 

This is how people find and build their true character. 

Hypachristian boy isn't building much by being a small minded arrogant bigot but hey.... you're working on you...... and that's all you can do. 


Lupita

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2007, 05:09:59 PM »
Thank you Lighter. It is really disappointing when Christian fellows makes us feel bad. It is sad to be not welcome in your family then not welcome in your work and many other places. Thank you so much for your words.
Love,
Lupita

Certain Hope

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2007, 05:14:15 PM »
Dear Lupita,

I think that you are doing very well and that man sounds like a "snot". I don't know the Spanish word for "snot", but I think it fits him.
Maybe that would be a good nickname for him  :D

People always have a struggle adjusting to us when we first set good boundaries.
They will suffer a bit as they wonder what got into you, but you can just smile and know that you're doing the right thing!

Love,
Carolyn

changing

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2007, 05:27:02 PM »
Lupita-

Please accept my apologies for the bad behavior of your boss. He does not represent all Americans- I am thrilled about your citizenship , and am so glad that you are here.
I also have had some serious rat bosses- some tried to coerce me for sex (ICKKK) some tried to coerce me to do wrong (I had responsibility for money, etc), some tried to get even when I reported criminal acts. Do not take them to heart- when you get a better job, they will fade from memory like a carton of sour milk.

Next time parents or teachers attempt to hijack you or take your free time, make you late, etc. have them make and appointment- they often won't appreciate it even if you are late trying to accommodate them, so get an appointment. I don't want you to be pushed or pulled any further.

Love,

Changing

Hopalong

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2007, 05:32:43 PM »
When I was young and thought boundaries were just for maps, I got chased around by a boss who kept begging me for "just one blow job...c'monnnnn".

I was so stunned I did the Bambi thing, but still managed to say No. And of course, quit, and lose my income.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

BTW, Lup, I think it's excellent that you simply told the teachers you need them not to bring the children early. What a straightforward, simple solution! You spoke.

love
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

changing

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2007, 05:37:58 PM »
Hoppy-

I am not as nice as you are, I think. I stabbed one really sexually harassing boss  on different occasions with a pen, a letter opener, and a fork- he finally got the message!

Love,

Changing

Ami

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2007, 06:10:28 PM »
Dear Lupita,
  When I read your post,what hit me was a book that I have on boundaries, It says that we will protect what we love.
 What hit me was that we have to do whatever it takes to love ourselves. What is that? That is the million dollar question.
 It is so easy for me to love others-- family,friends,dogs etc.However,it feel so "wrong" to love me. Somehow,I HAVE to go against that deeply held and deeply brainwashed message that I don't deserve  to love ME
  I don't know WHY it is so hard to love and value ourselves. I wish that I could have a short "course" in it and then  Poof--I would value myself .
   Just wanted to share that I think the answer to boundaries would be to value the thing inside the boundaries---US. Wish that I could give some practical suggestions,but I am "stuck" at this place,too.
                                                                                                                      Ami














   
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

CB123

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2007, 06:32:09 PM »
I stabbed one really sexually harassing boss  on different occasions with a pen, a letter opener, and a fork- he finally got the message!


 :shock: :shock: :shock:

Changing,

You are one tough cookie!  I am in awe!

CB

When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

Hopalong

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2007, 10:14:40 PM »
:shock:

3 implements it took?

This man was not very bright, was he.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

changing

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #10 on: September 24, 2007, 04:14:08 AM »
Oh Hoppy he was an animal- juries had found him guilty of improper whatever and paid female complainants previously, large sums too. :shock:
The coup de grace came when I  threatened both the use of a fork and calling his wife- he whipered like a beaten animal ( You wouldn't do that- she wouldn't believe you- Oh yes I would) :lol:

Lupita- Hope this week is better, and la maestra receives her proper respect in all matters!!

Love,
Changing



lighter

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #11 on: September 24, 2007, 06:31:01 AM »
Oh Changing..... I can't imagine myself working with a man I stabbed.....

NO.... working FOR a man I stabbed....

Not once but...

T H R E E Times, lol. 

So sorry that happened to you and Blech is right!


Ami

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2007, 11:40:46 AM »
i think that I just 'got" it about boundaries. You boundary is a fence that surrounds you to keep you safe.like a cell wall is around a cell.
  The cell wall lets in certain substances and repels other substances. That is our boundary around us. It"should" let in what is healthy for us and push away what is bad for us.
  When we get abused, we lose our ability to discern WHAT is even healthy for us. We have thrown  away our instincts(IMO) and so we are left as  prey-- ready to be devoured. Then..we hate ourselves b/c we know that we are "weenies". We know that we don't have the proper respect for ourselves. Then b/c we have not set up and enforced a boundary,,we scorn and don't respect ourselves.
 I see that the boundaries are a fence that we erect when we value what is inside the fence-Us. The answer to how do I get boundaries should be how do I love what I have to protect(Me) This is what I am seeing, anyway                              Love  Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Lupita

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2007, 04:35:07 PM »
Somebody help me please, I feel very bad.
Today I lucked my self out of my classroom. It was lunch time so I went to the tunch room where teachers were eating together. My boss said if I came into this country swimming. I said that I was not a wet back. He said that he was kidding. In a matter of a milisecond I had a teacher making remarks about why did she have to pay taxes for those ilegals. I said that I have never done anything ilegal in my life. Then another teacher said that why her friend from Africa did not get citizenship and I did. Syddenly I had everybody against me in that table, I believe instigated by him. He is supposed to be a Christian. I am very lonely and sad. I do not know what to do. I called my ex boss who always protected me. He said that I have to talk to this person and if he does not stop I have to write a letter to the school board. I need my job. I am in between situations. I gave my naturalization certificate to the passport agancy and I do not have anything until eight weeks. I cannot apply for another job right now. I am afraid to go to work tomorrow.

Ami

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Re: Enforcing my boundaries
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2007, 04:42:01 PM »
Dear Lupita,
 That is sick, evil and horrible. I  am so sorry. I wish that I could help you. I would like to give you a nice cup of tea and a soft place to fall.. You are such a dear person and that guy is a BOOB-- and all the lemmings with him.
I am so sorry, Dear                                                                 Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung