Idiot Compassion

[Ami]

You are so sweet,.Bella. I could not see my part in it, enough.I was in a "trance" about an "abusive  man"
Yes, he was abusive,but I had a part in the abusive SYSTEM.  He is not an N like  my mother. The BEST you can do with my M is train her. She is like a dog that you keep having to "spank" when he jumps on the sofa.
  My H does have empathy. So , that is a whole  other can of worms that a person who has an N for a mate. Then,it might be hopeless.
  However, I am blessed that my H is not "hopeless" and I have a lot of hope in life-- thanks to the board.
                                                                        Love   Ami

[Iphi]

Dear Ami - my H has an N dad as well.  My learning about Ns has helped him and has opened up a whole new horizon in our relationship.  My wish is the same will prove to be the case for you.  It is great when we can work to bring each other growth and flourishing.

[finding peace]

You are most welcome Stormchild.  And thank you  - especially for this:

Peace to you. May you find it - and may it stay.

Peace

[finding peace]

Dear Bella,

No worries - I understand.  I think I sensed your frustration, and was concerned that I had caused it.  Thanks for explaining.  I think you express yourself extremely well.  The tone I sense from your posts is always soothing, gentle, and kind. 

Steve is a poster here - I don't think he has posted recently, but I haven't been able to keep up.

You gave me the answer to a problem I have really been struggling with for awhile now.

You said (to paraphrase) people influence each other but only if we allow them.  This is exactly what I needed to hear!!!!! 

Total autonomy just sound so isolated - a lot like the walls I built as a child.  Walls that let no one in.  I love the thought of total autonomy, but struggled with the thought that I was cutting myself off - just as I did as a child.  Your solution is the gray area -

Seems so obvious now ::::smaking myself upside the head (gently)::::; - I was really stuck in the black and white (all or nothing) of totaly autonomy vs total openness!

Thank you so much!!

Peace

[finding peace]

Yep Ami - that is it!

I too am very glad to hear that your relationship with your husband has taken a turn for the better.

(((((Ami)))))

Peace

[Bella_French]

Dear finding Peace,

Thanks so much for writing; your letter really uplifted me! It is so nice to know that I could help a little. I totally agree with you about autonomy; so long as people interact, I agree that we are responsible for how we treat one another. And yet we all have the power of choice (regarding our own reactions), even if we don't always see the choices that are available to us. I  definitely see how these two thoughts can seem to conflict at times, whilst both being true. Thanks for explaining that to me.



X Bella