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Latest note from my mother

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Spirit:
Spirit -
Wow! Some of the quotes you posted from your dad were very familiar to me. Kind of crazy, huh.



--- Quote ---
I never tried that - it was great advice. That really does clarify alot, doesn't it.
--- End quote ---


Hi Michelle,

I am glad that it could be useful to you. Imagine an N saying "you are deluded. I am not sure what is influencing you agains't not loving me"

I would read it on her part as  " I am deluded. You are not sure what is influencing me agains't not loving you". She/he is giving a perfectly honest appraisal of herself ( and not you )   :lol: She is not only accepting that she is deluded but also that she doesn't love you but also accepts that she is not sure what is influencing her ( but hey you could give her a clue.. it is her falsified self ! ) Thats why she needs a therpist perhaps lol




--- Quote ---
--- Quote ---Sometimes asking her to own up might help.
--- End quote ---


How do you do that with a person who is not all "there"? Confused on that one.
--- End quote ---


What I meant was asking her to own up obviously won't help her but it might help YOU ( and thats what matters most ) . I once got myself to write up letters about how I felt hurt about my dad which I didn't even post. But writing those, and sometimes preserving them and reading them later on makes me feel better ! Infact I guess I will start doing that again . Infact this forum helps a lot in that regard I guess, we all post on how we feel ! But imagine if you can tell it to her point blank ? It is equavalent to having the effect of posting 50 posts here i suppose !

Michelle:

--- Quote ---The trick is to let it only spoil our time for as short a duration as possible.
--- End quote ---



--- Quote ---Problems occur when we react with *behavior* that escalates the situation -- usually impulsively, without considering our options. You didn't actively respond to your mother. That means you succeeded in acting and not reacting (your action was to ignore her). But if you have an emotional reaction and DON'T ACT ON IT, that's okay.
--- End quote ---


Thank you for clarifying all that Bunny.  You make things very easy to understand.  You are helping me to see that I am making progress----even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

Thank you!
Michelle :wink:

Michelle:
Hi Morgan -


--- Quote ---I have had the same feeling about my mom. I think I kept expecting her to become "normal," and so in the past I've been shocked by her N behavior. I think I'm getting better at anticipating it -- which really means accepting that she will never change.
--- End quote ---



--- Quote ---For me, getting past that dream is the key. Once you accept her for what she is, and stop thinking her N behavior is some temporary attack of brain fever, you can start planning ways of dealing with her.
--- End quote ---


Thanks very much for your advice.  You have really helped me to see my situation more clearly.  You are so right about expecting them to become normal one day.  If I can just show myself that she is not normal, I think that would be a huge breakthrough for me.  It is such a huge dream though.  I feel really sad to know that it just won't happen.  

I enjoy your comments.  Thanks for being so helpful.  

Michelle :wink:

Michelle:
Spirit -


--- Quote ---What I meant was asking her to own up obviously won't help her but it might help YOU ( and thats what matters most ) . I once got myself to write up letters about how I felt hurt about my dad which I didn't even post. But writing those, and sometimes preserving them and reading them later on makes me feel better ! Infact I guess I will start doing that again . Infact this forum helps a lot in that regard I guess, we all post on how we feel ! But imagine if you can tell it to her point blank ? It is equavalent to having the effect of posting 50 posts here i suppose !
--- End quote ---


thanks for clarifying that spirit.  
You are right - asking her to own up would really help me.  I wrote one letter to her in counseling so far, but it was in the very beginning and I wasn't 100% honest in it.  I hadn't developed a bond yet with my counselor and therefore kind of edited the whole letter.  I will do another one soon as now I feel much more comfortable with her.  

have a great night and thanks again!
Michelle

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