I hope people don't take offense to this introduction of something that may or may not be appropriate for this forum, namely searching for legal help against an N who is determined to destroy my friendships. Many of you are familiar with my situation--a long term involvement with an N (formerly so-called best friend) within a large social group, which has been the core of my life and my friendships for the last ten years. If you recall, I confronted this N, "Randy" with his abusive behavior and he declared nuclear war upon me (like enraged 3 year olds are wont to do). Several people on this board recommended I abandon the group and find a new life and in significant ways I have moved in that direction ( a good thing in itself for various reasons) but there are a few people whom I still consider to be good and dear friends and I am not going to just abandon them because of this little psychopath and his sycophants. This group is still my connection with them and while it may mean all out war I realize I need to draw a line in the sand. Randy has found two/three(?) gullible stooges to do his dirty work for him, two of them highly emotional people who can stir others up with the lies that he feeds them, which they have done in my absence. It has cost me at least one friendship already and they are working on others now I know. It seems clear that the idea is to get everyone, not just my close friends, to turn against me. They won't succeed in that but it takes a terrible toll on me.
I've just now threatened two of his minions with legal action--slander and defamation of character lawsuits, but I honestly don't have a clue what I'm doing. Has anyone on this board had any experience with this type of legal action or know of a lawyer with NPD smear campaign experience I could consult for advice? I know this is a long shot but I'm hoping for a starting point better than looking in the phone book for a lawyer who won't have a clue about NPD. My idea, and I think it might be effective, is to confront these people with some consequences to their behavior and make them question why they are doing the dirty work for Randy, who, like a good mob boss, is a layer once-removed from the action. I've pointed out that THEY have all the exposure and liability, not Randy and it may make them question what they are doing and whether Randy is really worth it. Randy of course, is simply using and exploiting their emotions like N's do and when push comes to shove he will leave them high and dry, swinging alone in the wind, and he will barely remember their names. I should say that these people are women with secret crushes on Randy, who is paired with yet another woman, someone who is extremely nice (and very co-dependent)who will one day be investing in a great deal of psychotherapy I know, because of him. They think he is a saint and that I'm either sick or evil. His SO is not in the loop and not part of the group.
I really don't want to do this. I've never believed in lawyers and legal action. It's ugly and wears on your soul to play hardball with people you once had affection for (or anyone for that matter) , but I don't know what else to do. It's like wading in a radioactive toxic waste dump to be around this situation and I want it to end. I keep thinking it's over and past and then another toxic bomb goes off in my face. Any thoughts or ideas? This a group with a lot of wisdom and experience and quite a find in this hard time and I really appreciate you guys. I lurk a lot, more than my few posts would indicate. In any event, thanks for listening.
Bill
