Hops - I have just found this thread. In fact I am responding after only reading your initial post on this thread.
I'm writing about it here because I wonder if anyone thinks I might be interpreting it right, and also, do you think I should address what happened at the end, or just stay quiet about it? Would it be good to ask her, do you think it might be possible that you felt a need to become angry to create distance because I was leaving? I doubt that she'd like an analytical response, so I don't really think that's a good idea. I just am not sure if ignoring it is healthy either.
I think you have interpreted it exactly!!
I wondered if she picked a fight because it's scary for her to say goodbye. To have gotten so close again. To have felt close and connected. As though she had to "correct that" by being angry, even if she seemed to be pumping up her anger intentionally, and out of the blue.
This is very perceptive of you.
At any rate, it never escalated because I stayed very calm and just listened. She repeated her grievances over and over and said, and that's why our relationship is crap. Other hurtful remarks. I didn't take bait or defend myself and just listened. She calmed down.
That takes an extraordinary amount of guts and growth. I admire your courage and insight.
What a tremendous difference between this year and last year. I am so glad you can hold on to the very good parts and understand so clearly that she is reacting out of some unconscious something rather than reacting towards you.
(I hope this post makes any sense at the end of a long thread.) Your friend - Gaining Strength
