Author Topic: Refuse to Flinch  (Read 1719 times)

Certain Hope

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Refuse to Flinch
« on: October 09, 2007, 11:00:30 AM »
My preference for the words "confidence" or "assurance" over the expression "personal power" aside, I have found this to be a helpful article. Had a chance to practice standing, unflinching, myself this morning and found the experience refreshing and satisfying.

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Relationships/khan/refusetoflinch.html

EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS to flinch.

Example: You pretend you’re going to slug me, and I twitch or blink. I flinched. Now let’s expand and extend that idea in a useful way: Let’s say flinching is any form of shrinking back, pulling away or turning aside, when it’s done to avoid discomfort or difficulty.

Have you ever noticed that you have a strong desire to put your hands in front of your body when you’re standing up and talking to several people who are all seated? Most people do. If you succumb to your desire to put your hands in front of your body, that’s a flinch.

Or say you’re telling someone something she doesn’t want to hear. While you talk, maybe you shift your body’s weight from one foot to another, pick at your fingernails or cross your arms. You flinched!

If you look at someone and they then look at you and you quickly look away, you flinched. Mumbling or speaking quietly is a form of flinching. Someone who is avoiding going to night classes because he’s afraid he might not do well is flinching.

Flinching is an attempt to protect yourself, and it’s very natural. Everybody does it. But there is one major problem with it: Flinching makes you weak. Notice I didn’t say it was a sign that you are weak. The act of flinching itself makes you weak.

But when you have the urge to flinch and you don’t, you gain a kind of strength. And when you look people right in the eyes with your arms hanging by your sides where they naturally hang and you speak truthfully without flinching, you have an unnervingly powerful personal presence.

And you don’t have to spend years getting good at this; you can do it the very next time you talk to someone. It’s easy to do (once you decide to), but when you do it, you will notice a temptation, a craving, a desire — almost an ache — to fidget or look away or at least put your hands in your pockets.

Refuse to flinch.

Make up your mind — as soon as you notice yourself flinching — that you will not flinch. You’ll like the result. A fear just goes out of you. This is especially true if you consider yourself shy to any degree. Don’t flinch, and suddenly the sense of shyness becomes somewhat wispy and transparent, and you’ll start to wonder if there has ever been anything there but a shadow.

Don’t flinch, and feel the power.

Then go on and expand this power by extending the practice into the psychological arena. When someone is “in denial,” it means they are mentally or emotionally flinching; they are looking away or shrinking back or avoiding something real — some truth, some reality — and always in order to avoid discomfort or difficulty.

But always and forever, wherever you flinch, you will be weak. And wherever you refuse to flinch, you will be strong.

This is the “how” of courage. It’s not that during a courageous act a person doesn’t want to run away. What makes it courageous is that the person wants to run away but doesn’t. Courage is refusing to flinch.

Extend your unflinching psyche into any area where you want more personal power.

If you want to be socially strong, don’t flinch in social situations. If you want to be emotionally strong, don’t flinch at emotional feelings or situations. You would benefit if you made this a lifetime practice, a spiritual regimen, a holy discipline.

Wherever you refuse to flinch, you will have power. This will, of course, increase your impact on people. People will admire your courage and look up to you. When this happens, don’t flinch.


lighter

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Re: Refuse to Flinch
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2007, 11:07:40 AM »
Now I'm going to be going through the rest of my day thinking about this, lol.

Good thread..... one more piece of the puzzle :D

Poppy Seed

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Re: Refuse to Flinch
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2007, 02:35:06 PM »
I am trying to learn not to shame myself, and you want me to worry about flinching????? :shock:

Just kidding! Carolyn.  Truth be told, I think about stuff like this all the time.  I try to get myself to do the outer stuff while my inner strength is in the incubator.
 
Pops

ps.  how is your smoke-less-ness journey???
« Last Edit: October 09, 2007, 03:16:01 PM by Poppyseed »

isittoolate

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Re: Refuse to Flinch
« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2007, 05:34:08 PM »
Are we talking about little flinches, or those big startle reflex actions whereby the cheesies fly all the way to the ceilng and down, or so bad that you make the other person jump out of his/her boots?

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Ami

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Re: Refuse to Flinch
« Reply #4 on: October 09, 2007, 05:54:31 PM »
Dear Carolyn,
   I love your thread.Thanks so much.It reminds me of the medical intuitive, Caroline Myss.
   I think that there are very subconscious signals between people .We pick them up at an intuitive level,but usually don't verbalize them ,even to ourselves.
   Animal communication is full of 'body language' as the Dog Whisperer" shows.
  WE still have the "animal " in us so---------- why not?                                               Love   Ami
 
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Hopalong

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Re: Refuse to Flinch
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2007, 07:42:03 PM »
Wow, thank you Hope!
That's terrific...great concept, great way of thinking.

thanks!
love to you,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Certain Hope

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Re: Refuse to Flinch
« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2007, 09:30:45 PM »
Iz, I think we're talkin the more subtle flinches... of the nervous variety... the sort that betray insecurity and invite being over-ridden by a steam roller.

Pops... still smoke-free and thanks for askin! : )  My husband is, too, so that helps alot... he quit a week after I did and we're both determined to stick with it.

Have a great evening, y'all.

With love,
Carolyn

Poppy Seed

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Re: Refuse to Flinch
« Reply #7 on: October 11, 2007, 09:17:41 AM »
Carolyn,

Your H quit too?  Oh my stars!  That is tremendous.  So happy for you!

Pops