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Dawning:
Hiya Write.


--- Quote ---But reading I was so conscious of the absence of 'animus' in the way I see myself...
--- End quote ---


YOU TOO, eh?  Wow, I have been wanting to discuss this with someone for quite a long time.  Journalled quite a bit about it.  I find that this thought of starved animus comes up with me regarding my blockage to instigating creativity on my own.  Even if I give myself permission - which I have - there is still a block.  I would love to hear stories and views on the subject.  Thanks so much for bringing this up write.


--- Quote ---It's interesting, my mother left us crying as babies, she said eventually we stopped crying altogether.
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That is very sad.  The point at which you stopped crying as a baby was the giving in and the acceptance.  You didn't deserve to be ignored.  There is no doubt in my mind that babies can sense their parents unconditionally love/lack of it very accurately.  And they respond by giving in to what the parent(s) want - what choice did we have back when we were babies?  Just recently, I have felt for the first time the terror and fear of my baby-self crying in the middle of the night and sensing that my mother hated me for this.  Why wouldn't I just shut up??  (Because I was a baby, dam*it!)   And that just made me cry louder.  And hated more - for having a voice :?:   (I think eventually my grandmother came in to help.)  I have a sneaking supsicion that my sense is correct based upon her recent emails.  The phrase, "2am" keeps coming up.  She has advised me not to get pregnant cause you'll be woken up at 2am by a crying baby.  "How are you going to cope with that?," she said.  And when I told her that I took my cats outside for a breath of fresh air, she informed me that I didn't know what I was going to be in for because now the cats would be crying at 2am to go outside.  Well, they haven't been crying at all.   All of us have been sleeping perfectly fine.   :)  That is when it dawned on me that perhaps she strongly resented ME when I cried as a baby (when I used my voice)  and woke her up.  (how dare you) That is different, to me, then "hating IT" when I cried (as in "I hate it when I get interrupted.")   Anyway, the message my baby-me got was...mother's needs come first.  Unconditional love doesn't come in to this at all.  It is just not there.

I now carry around a picture of myself as a newborn.  (I am going to ask who took that photo.   :) )   And I always remind her that she had a beautiful voice even when crying.  Next step: the realization that - as a baby - I was crying for what I NEEDED and there was nothing wrong with that.  I was normal.  

I appreciate your post.  
<<<Hugs to All>>>

write:
quite often the answer to something is bubbling up to the surface of the sub-conscious isn't it!

There's some writing about animus on http://stout.bravepages.com/h/anima.htm

I'm not sure I fully understand Jungian concepts in the same way as other models, I'm still learning and I don't agree with much of Jung I have to say.

But this animus thing, I know that there's something there...

Myself as a baby became very real for me after becoming a mother, when I realised that so many needs at that stage had been neglected...I felt very angry with my parents for a long time, I loved my own son so much.

My mother was very young and immature I suppose.
It's not that she made mistakes, it's that she didn't even try.
Oh well, she's dead now and I've come to a stage of peace about her, as much as I can.
But part of me still can't accept that someone would neglect a baby, I can understand occasional abberations or mistakes, but to choose to be cold and harsh...

I'll try some visualisation stuff about myself as a baby too, I suspect there's still a crying baby somewhere within me.

Thanks Dawning.

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