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self love

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seeker:
Hi Sjkravill,

I responded the same way as the others to your therapist's comment.  There are no "shoulds" when connecting with your spirituality.  In fact, I once saw a book about different styles of praying based on one's personality type!  Some people prefer a repetitive prayer like a chant, some need company (as in church or temple, etc.), some prefer solitude, some music, some contemplating a religious icon (visual folks), etc. I have been exploring many different kinds of religious traditions just because my childhood tradition has become so rote.  

When I can't fall asleep due to some irritation or fear, I sometimes imagine what the Earth looks like from way out in space and tell myself that I'm just a speck in the universe and it all doesn't really matter.  Kind of like the Bogart character in Casablanca: "the problems of three people don't about to a hill of beans in this crazy world..."  (something like that!)  I don't know if this is perspective, denial, minimizing, or what, but it works sometimes.  There's even a book called "The Hand of God" featuring photos from the Hubble Space Telescope, so I guess I'm not the only one who thinks like this...

Don't I sound wise? That said, the emotional roller coaster is familiar.  I am hoping it is due to my age because I wasn't always quite so up and down.  Premenopausal--whee!  

As for self-love, perhaps there are moments or memories you can draw on when someone or something made you feel pretty darn good about yourself.  Maybe they said some nice things and gave you encouragement.  Make a list and keep it handy.  

Hope this helps.  Seeker

sjkravill:
Hey everybody!

What a big sigh of relief to read and reflect on your responses...  
I too like to bring healing into my life from all of the traditions and practices that offer healing.  So, I really appreciate your pieces and sources of wisdom. I will work on them all!! and I will look into the suggested reading!!! The spiritual reading, therapy, memories, getting to know one's self, yoga and breathing, good friends, and limiting access of toxic people, all sound like great ideas. You are all so wise.  So far I guess different things help on different days... Some days are still pretty difficult.

I so appreciate your validation about my therapists comments.  She has very strong convictions, which are no secret.  In many ways she has helped me to gain strength, and I am greatful.  But in some ways I feel like I am inadequate.  Because there are certain things I should believe or feel or practice.  When those times happen I feel like I really am trusting her with my self right now.  I could so easily be manipulated, because I am feeling so voiceless.  I start to wonder if she is the right therapist for me.  But I also know that therapy can often be painful.  Pain is part of growing.  So, sometimes I feel utterly confused about what is going on here.... who this is about.  I feel suspicious of the religious comments.  Yes, a person's spirituality is a part of coping.  But, I feel like you all, that it should be more defined by the patient and less defined by the therapist.  So, thank you all for validating that experience for me.  

I am having difficulty sleeping.  So, I will have to try some hubble telescope imagery.

Thanks to all again! sjkravill

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