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Returned mother's day card

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Michelle:
Well, I got the mail today and guess what should be in it but a note from dear old mom.   :roll: Not only a beautiful, empathetic, endearing  :x note - but a little "something extra" for me as well.  The mother's day card I sent her.  I chose a shoebox greeting (humor) this year b/c I didn't want to be a liar and send a sappy one to her when I don't mean a word of it.  Here's her note:


--- Quote ---Michelle, After receiving the card today that you sent me for Mother's Day I thought I'd send a note to you to ask you what I've done to you to make you so mad at me?  If sending your mother a card like this makes you happy then maybe you need to be praying about what is bothering you.  It certainly hurt my feelings  and let me know that for some reason you must be angry at me.  Michelle I'd like to know what is going on with you?  I try to call and talk to you but after you tell me numerous times that you really don't have time for me it hurts me so besides that I'm not going to beg you to answer my calls.  You will have to live with the way you are treating me.  Patricia (my aunt) told me that you said I never ask about you when I call and you know I always want to know if you are allright and how you are.  Are you mad because I love your children so much?  If this is true then you need to pray about it.  I'm going to be praying for you and I really hope whatever is bothering you will be worked out.  Life is way too short to be letting anything get between us like this.  I can't believe you get mad at me for calling and checking on you too much.  I know raising a family is a big job and sometimes leaves you exhausted but you hurt my feelings when I call you and you tell me that you don't have time for me.  I'll leave you alone, but just remember that I do love you and when and if you ever realize this I'll be here for you.  Love mama.  Ps - I'm sending back this card because to me mother's day shouldn't be considered a "joke".  Some people would give anything to have a mama that loves them.
--- End quote ---


I took this letter to my counseling session yesterday.  She said that it looks like my attempt at finding a "middle ground" with her isn't working too well.  She said that until my mother sees that she needs to change (in reality, it will probably never happen) she will continue to play this sick sick game with me.  She said I have to decide what I am comfortable with.  Well, I am not comfortable with any of this.  I HATE my mother right now.  She is a selfish, mean bitch.  While I am feeling angry, I think I will let her know what I think of her.

Dear moma,
I got your note in the mail along with the mother's day card that I sent you.  I just wanted to tell you that you are a mean, selfish bitch and I hate your guts.  The way I see it, you should be lucky that you got the 99c card that I sent you.  You didn't even deserve that.  Oops, did I say that out loud?  I guess I am the awful daughter that you always say I am.  I guess that I have "changed" as you so graciously have told me over and over and over again the last few years since I have been CHALLENGING YOUR INADEQUATE AUTHORITY.  Who the hell do you think you are?  The air that you breathe is wasted on you.  I appreciate your many references to prayer since you have been to church about ummmmmmmm 3 times in your life.  And when you were attending church, you were also banging the local electrician at the motel 6 and dragging all 3 of your children along with you on your "affairs".  Don't forget to mention THAT part to God.  I'm sure he hasn't forgotten it.  Oh, but your right you are such a good mother and "some people would give anything to have a moma that loves them".  You have shown that love in so many ways, haven't you?  Like how you would hit michael on the head and call him a son of a bitch (hmmmm...isn't he YOUR son?) or how you would always make fun of how I looked because my "chest" was so small?  Or how you would never come to any of my events at school because you had a headache?  Or how you hate my husband because he "took me away from you?"  Oh you are a sick twisted person.  you need some major help and much much more than i can give you.  So you know what?  You just live in your little sick world.  You just get off on thinking the world is against you and that you are the perfect queen of the universe.  More power to you.  I'm sick of this shit.  I'm sick of letting you tell me how to feel.  I HAVE changed.  Hear that bitch?  You heard it.  I HAVE changed.  and i won't let you get to me anymore.  Take your crap and shove it down your own throat.  I'm done.

Hope YOU can live with ruining your children's lives.

michelle

Anonymous:

--- Quote ---I thought I'd send a note to you to ask you what I've done to you to make you so mad at me? If sending your mother a card like this makes you happy then maybe you need to be praying about what is bothering you. It certainly hurt my feelings and let me know that for some reason you must be angry at me. Michelle I'd like to know what is going on with you? I try to call and talk to you but after you tell me numerous times that you really don't have time for me it hurts
--- End quote ---


Michelle, that sounds so so so much like my dad.. ! I think this is her shrewd way of working on your psyche..don't let her get her way. She will learn ( if anything ) at her own pace, and not at your cost or your childrens. Its so amusing how much some people would go to get what they wan't.. I feel sad for such people.. but no point in showing pity. Taking care of yourself is the key.. !


--- Quote ---If this is true then you need to pray about it. I'm going to be praying for you and I really hope whatever is bothering you will be worked out. Life is way too short to be letting anything get between us like this. I can't believe you get mad at me for calling and checking on you too much.
--- End quote ---


That is frighteningly similar again. It is almost as if I am reading a mail from my dad ! His oneliner at the end of his standard letters is classic too !
"If for any reasons you think I have hurt you in anyway.. please forgive me.. don't let that dark cloud that is blocking you from loving me get its own way " :roll: Oh bother.. my therapist would be amused to know what my dad calls him .. dark cloud ! lol

Note again he would say "if you think that I hurt you in anyway " and not " if I have hurt you in any way " hahahaha



--- Quote --- Or how you hate my husband because he "took me away from you?" Oh you are a sick twisted person. you need some major help and much much more than i can give you. So you know what? You just live in your little sick world. You just get off on thinking the world is against you and that you are the perfect queen of the universe. More power to you. I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of letting you tell me how to feel
--- End quote ---


She is telling you how to feel ? That would be like learning from an elephant how to fly !

You certainly wrote an excellent reply to her email ( even though it is only here ) but it was YOU who is speaking..congrats ! You are finding your voice Michelle.. keep going !

spirit

seeker:
Woooooweeeee, Michelle!

Shields up!  Lasers on "stun".  


I read your "mother's" note twice.  The first time I read for content, the usual.  Then I read it again thinking this is what someone writes who is trying to create a certain image or fantasy in her head.  She is delusional and lying to herself.  She probably really believes all the crap she is writing.  You really got to her, because look at how long the note is!  Otherwise she wouldn't be able to begin to live with the guilt and shame of all the crimes she committed.  Wow.

You have some really valid points in your cathartic rant (hope you don't mind me calling it that).  Just a suggestion: maybe edit this letter to your mom by taking out the expressions of anger (valid as it is!!!) and boil it down to YOUR truth.  As factual and matter-of-fact as possible.  When I got to the point where I could deal with talking or thinking about the sicko in my life without anger, I felt way more comfortable and in control of myself.  I could express my side without concern that I would alarm people (not that you did that here).  I was less hooked into reacting to whatever BS was coming my way...it made me feel much stronger.  

Don't get me wrong.  Your anger is valid and necessary.  I would feel exactly the same way (and have until I starting throwing the cards out).  Hopefully soon you will have the power to not let her get to you.  Imagine how angry she was to get a card that didn't fit her illusion.  Don't get caught up in the retaliation game.  That is supply also.  You don't have to explain yourself, convince anyone, etc.  Unplug.   Game over.

Burn the card, rip it, shred it, flush it.  Don't give it power.  The more you fight something, the more power you give it.  Go hug your kids and pat yourself on the back for seeing what the hell is going on with her.  

Hope this is helpful to you.  Best, Seeker

seeker:
Hey Michelle,

Seeker again.  Just want to add that I am not suggesting you SEND an edited letter to your mother.  Just that it helped me to write and clarify my position to myself.  It helped me to edit the "self-talk" in my head from an angry voice to a factual voice about events that happened and how sick (in the true sense of the word) my NSIL is.  

Over and out!

Anonymous:
Michelle,

I'm really sorry about your mother's ugly letter and return of your card. Probably it's best to have very little communication with her even on mother's day. She won't ever be in "reality" as we know it. Probably she is crazy. Your truthful letter to her would have no effect except to generate ANOTHER vicious letter back to you. I'd avoid that route. But I'm glad you posted it here.

bunny

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