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Float:
Well I guess you have another member of a child of  a narcisst.
I was raised in an upper class background by parents who came from poverty and dysfunctional families. They tried their best to nurture my siblings and myself, but my father was so damaged from his lack of childhood and his N parents that it resulted in him only concentrating on his self worth, which was measured by money. He told all of us never to marry, never to trust people and money was only thing to protect you, etc.
Anyway, the result is he raised children that all became highly educated and successful.  We are all also in non committal relationships, workaholics (80hrs weeks), and basically lack any true emotions. We have created almost perfect “alter” egos to deal with society and thus have closed ourselves off from any real emotion. My problem is that I also now judge myself and well being by wealth.  Hopefully, I can start to be honest with myself and others and not end up like my father.

Tokyojim:
You sound like you are on to something and determined not to wind up like your father.  By writing that you basically lack any true emotions, you are showing the recognition and need that you want the emotions.  If you really did not have them, you would not know it.  That is the start!

Also, the same thing is true when you say that you judge yourself and well being by wealth.  If you truly believed that, you would not have even found this message board.

I have a suggestion.  You sound like you are wealthy.  Sometimes, through a psychologist, you can do group therapy with similar people.  You are probably feeling very isolated and alone.  I think that you will find many, many people like yourself.

Float:
Tokyojim,
I guess you are correct in your comments and I am alone besides my sister who is going through the same thing. As for the rest of my family, the are not self aware. As for a group, I would love to find one and will start to look, though here looks to be a good start.

mighty mouse:
Hi Float,

I'm not exactly new to the board but I've never posted before.  

Your post resonated with me because the only person in my family that seems to get approval from my NMom is my brother who is a doctor. Out of her seven other kids she can't seem to acknowledge that we are all accomplished in our own way. Ironically my brother never felt like he was loved until he became a doctor (something he started in his mid thirties and subsequently destroyed his family - wife and 4 kids - over). But now by gosh he has my Mom's approval.  

It is a process and a good place to start is this board. There are many helpful and caring people here. Dr. Grossman recommended a book to me called "The Narcissistic Family" by Donald and Stephanie Pressman. It is kind of expensive but I thought it was very helpful.

Good luck on your journey.

Mighty Mouse

Float:
Mighty Mouse,
Thanks for the reply, its great to see other people out there in the same complex situation. I feel for your brother especially b/c he sounds like mine. My brother is exactly like my father and looks to him for validation which never gets anyway so if he does my father will eventually have an outburst where he will rip my brother to shreds. Though your brother has your mom’s “approval” he still most likely does not have her unconditional love. Not for anything but if all of her children are content and successful in their own right that should be her greatest accomplishment of all

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