lots of food for thoughts. But everybody says what has to be done. Nobody says how.
How.
Love your self.
How?
Nurture your self.
How?
Stand up for our self.
How?
enforce your boundaries.
How?
Etc etc etc.
Deal with the fear.
How?
Lupita, I don't think there is a formula. I think you just do it.....and then do it again and again. Say to yourself everything you want others to say. If you are hungry you give yourself food.....but if you love yourself, you give yourself the best most nutritious food. If you need validation, or praise or recognition or a complement about your beautiful new coat, then give it to yourself with absolutely no guilt and no shame. They are absolutely not allowed. They will come, like the mold that keeps growing back in the shower. But we have to kill it at the first sign and never entertain it.
Give to yourself as if YOU were someone else....... who always got the very best of what they needed in every moment. I am just deciding that I am sick of everything else. Sick of needing everyone else to remind me every day in their every action and facial expression that I am good. So much of people's behavior has nothing to do with anybody but them. I wonder about this man you struggle with. What if his trials were so much worse than yours and he never had a friend to help him deal. In any case, his actions are about him. Not you. Set yourself free of him. I don't think we need from others what we think we need. I remember times when I
did get the recognition or
did get the kudos. I remember feeling like it wasn't enough. That I needed more. or that I couldn't trust it and needed further conformation. The tiger is NEVER satisfied. Until....... we give to ourselves. Then we give to others in purity. Not out of need or manipulation to feed the tiger.
I am sick of living my life constantly hungry for the love and recognition and praise and forgiveness and etc etc etc. I am learning by doing. Kinda like how do you ride a bike? You just get on and start to peddle. If you are too scared and go slow, the bike won't go and you fall. I think it is the same thing here.
Getting on the bike is self caring thoughts and actions. Boundaries are the same thing. They are a series of choices about how we treat ourselves and how we protect ourselves from the behavior of others. I am noticing too....that after I erect one boundary successfully, that others show themselves to me. One by one...like reading a book. The more I listen to my inner voice, the more it teaches me the next step.
If we have to feel the fear....then sobeit. But, focusing on the other stuff is where we consciencely put our energy. I have come to the conclusion that is must be a deliberate choice and even commitment to do when the fear, temptation, old buttons come a calling. Cuz they will, of course. Then, it is all about the consistent practice and continuous re correction when we don't do so well one day.
I was thinking, Lupita, of all the people you love so much and you want their love in return. I have decided for myself that all those wants in me are completely out of my control. I can't expect them. I can only be grateful for it when and if it comes and for how long it comes. The rest of the time, I have to do it myself. It is the work God can't do. Because He can't make the choice. But if it is a healthy choice or a correct path, I think he strengthens and blesses and moves mountains. But he won't mess with the free will thing. And this issue is all about choice.
How do we deal with fear? We deal with FAITH! Faith in God and his goodness and faith in ourselves and the goodness He put into us when he created us. He didn't put us here alone. He gave each of us a voice inside to follow. One that would know the rights and the wrongs. That is the voice we can trust because it came from Him. It is the alarm that goes off when we are violated. And it will always be there if we listen to it. That is why shame and guilt are bad and why codep is bad. They kill the voice.
Poppy
