Shunned's Tale of Twiggy

[Ami]

Dear Amber,
  As you talk about it, you ARE healing little by little. Once you are clear enough to express it,it is on it's way out(IMO) . How do you eat an elephant---one bite at a time. You are eating it---Amber. I think that we all are.                                  Ami

[Iphi]

Looking forward to hearing about your new developments Amber.   

[Ami]

Dear Amber,
  .I feel very slow at the moment..However,I know that I am making big changes. We are having another party here on Saturday and I am not even nervous.That must be progress.
  I  don't want a quick fix.I want true, deep healing.
  You said s/thing really interesting ,Amber.Your M wanted you to put on a 'different face" in order for  you were to be allowed "out". The Role was your  different face( as I see it) I could be wrong,of course..
  The Role was your adaptation to your horrible surroundings. The Role was a way to "placate " your M so that she would be as "harmless' as possible .It was a neutralizing  of your M .It was an adaptation--like they talk about in "evolution".
  It was a life survival mechanism.
  I don't do Tai Chi so I look at the Role as lies. So many lies,but they are ALL lies. They do come off slowly. . I "ate" so many of them( age 14 on) that it simply takes time to see them and then to let them go.
  It is not as simple as "Just do Affirmations"(IMO)
  For me, I ate so many ,many lies that at some point I could not "pull" them off anymore. The mask was stuck on me.
 There is a Twilight Zone episode where the people go to a masked ball. At the end of the night, they could not pull off the masks. My cop b/f loved that Twilight Zone. He didn't put a mask(lies) on like I did. He used to say,"I NEVER lie to myself. Other people ,maybe....'
  Compost what does not fit.                             Ami
 
 

[Ami]

Yes, Amber. It is all about letting go of the Role and letting the real "us'( the core--to me) take over and run the show.
  It is about learning to trust it(for me). When I took Tai Chi,I remember that the teacher  was saying that Tai Chi is about being in a "natural flow" like an animal running.
  When we are an authentic person connected to all aspects of ourselves---core, higher self etc-- then we flow like this, I think.    Ami
                                                                                                     

[Ami]

You are so sweet to ask Amber. S/one wrote me a PM. They said,"You look like you get the "prize" for the most posts.". I said,Yeah,I guess that I am just THAT sick."
   Amber,I am feeling much better.I feel like I am gaining that sense of "coming together' that I have been striving for.  Accunpuncture says that the stomach is the seat of centeredness.
  I am so happy that I can eat now.
   Your posts are showing me that the Role is separate for the real me( the core)
   My threads did look depressing,but ONCE you can express s/thing--you are on the way to healing. Sickness happens when all that pain is stuck inside . Thanks so much for asking.It means so much to me.          Love   Ami


(((((((((((Amber))))))))))))))))))))))))