being adult

[axa]

One of my fellow students seems to behaves, towards me, in a way I find passive aggressive.  She is a nice person in many ways but seems to "make a joke" of me and then be really sweet.  Sometimes she finishes my sentances........ nothing major but it began to annoy me enough to note it to myself.  I looked at what buttons she was pressing in me and wondered if this was something to do with me.  Yesterday I overheard her mentioning something about me to someone else, nothing bad but did not feel comfortable as I was within earshot.  And I decided to act like an adult.  I went over to her and looked her in the eye and in a non aggressive way said "I would prefer if you have something to say to me that you would say it to ME."  This is so big for me.  I did not slink off and get angry or feel bad just clearly made a request. 

Afterwards she came and apologised as she did not mean to hurt me.  We talked a while.  I told her I thought she had been passive aggressive towards me, did not know if she meant it personally or even if she was aware of it but it was how I experienced communication with her.  I said I would like to be friendly with her but felt this "thing" was between us and if I we were to have a relationship I would like it to be adult.  She cried when I said this.  I felt myself going into "rescurer mode" but did not.  I was sorry she was upset but I did not go into my usual pattern of feeling like a victim and as soon as the other shows any emotion try and make it ok for them.  I went for a walk with her and she was quite upset.  I just reiterated what I had said about wanting to be an adult and communicate in that way.  I think in the end things were ok.

What is important for me is that I was pleased that I asserted myself, that I did not carry the anger I felt and internalise it.  I behaved like a grown up and was respectful.  Also, and maybe this is the most important part for me I was not trying to manipulate any outcome.  I just set a boundary.

I wanted to share this with my dear friends here.

xxxxxxxxxx

Axa

[Gabben]

What is important for me is that I was pleased that I asserted myself, that I did not carry the anger I felt and internalise it.  I behaved like a grown up and was respectful.  Also, and maybe this is the most important part for me I was not trying to manipulate any outcome.  I just set a boundary.

Hi Axa,


This is good stuff- thank you for sharing this.  As hard as it is to find or exercise the courage to speak up for myself, once I do, I feel so much better and self respecting. As well as my courage muscle gets exercised.

Lise

[Lupita]

Axa, what do you teach?

[Ami]

Dear Axa,
 So happy and encouraged to hear your story. Miss hearing from you.              Love  Ami
 (((((((((((((Axa))))))))))))

[gratitude28]

Axa,
You were amazing. You handled the situation divinely. However, I would be careful as I see a ton of red flags waving in the air around this woman. She may have acted remorseful, but I don't believe she was. I do believe you set up the proper boundaries and made her realize you are not to be trifled with. Keep that strong air about you and watch your back. I think a large part of our journey is learning to protect ourselves in general... not just deal with the specific situation that brought us here.
Love, Beth

[lighter]

I'M ENDING MY POSTING EXPERIENCE ON YOUR VERY HIGH NOTE, AXA!

Happy thanksgiving....

this thread was a gift: )

I wanna be that adult too!

(((((Axa))))))

[Lupita]

Can I know what do you teach?

[changing]

Axa-

Cool!! For some reason, it seems that girls can learn to act in that catty way in middle school (or even younger!) and some never grow up!! Thank you for sharing a way to wipe this out, in fellow students or fellow whatevers! Hope you have a great holiday!!!!

Love,

Changing

[axa]

Thanks guys for the response

Lupita,

I am a mature.........very mature student, doing a masters degree. 

Lighter,

What ya mean you are ending your posting experience.  Have not been on line much these days so did I miss something and are you leaving or what?????

Beth,

Thanks a lot, appreciate your contribution and take on board it is about taking care of oneself and not just once off.  I think I am very vigilant, maybe even hypersensitive about N stuff.  I have made some nice connections but am wary of everyone.  I am so tired of being messed around and do not want to be at the receiving end of anyone elses anger, passive or otherwise.  Taking baby steps Beth,

Hugs,

Axa

[lighter]

Axa... I went out of town.... I ended my posting experience THAT DAY, until I returned from Thanksgiving Holiday ONLY: )