We have to hear both sides and we have to hear what we both "meant". And I hope that you are not totally adverse to being part of the problem and are open to listening.....
Lupine, I encourage you to go back and re-read what i posted in my description of what ND said to me, because I think I was pretty clear in admitting that I did indeed daydream and almost hit the arrows on the road, and I did say that I heard gunshots and was concerned. I did say my part in it. As far as what I said in response to my Ndaughter, basically, most of the time I say "whatever" or I respond to the non-volatile part of what she says to me.
for example, if she says "you are so paranoid. I bet you think that car that just backfired was a GUN, right mom? Oh NO! let's all run for cover!"....my response might be, "I heard the car backfire." I would not respond to "you are so paranoid." the logical retort on her end of my saying "no I'm not" with her, is always 'then why did you"....or "I heard you say ............." so, i simply have learned to diffuse by responding to the "non-accusation"
What I have really learned is that listening is incredibly important. It's like learning a new language and when you have done so, your life becomes larger.
Listening is INDEED important. Right on, Lupine! It was in learning to listen to my daughter, that I learned how to NOT react to the accusations.
The issue with my daughter though, is that after she attacks me verbally, if I confront her in front of my husband (after confronting her to her face, gently and getting no remorse), her reply will be "oh GOSH dad, mom doesn't even know how to take a joke."
For instance, when she said to me today, "your children should be taken away" because of a lude comment she made that my husband and i stood up to her together on," when I told my husband that she told me that my children should be taken away, both HER and NH ganged up on me and said "oh please, don't you even know when she's kidding/I'm kidding."
So, verbal abuse, when confronted directly in my home, sadly, is considered "just joking" in order to not accept the responsibility for it. nor the correction that is deserved. Is that because of how I raised my daughters? Perhaps I was a bit too accepting of their being allowed to speak their minds as children if they disagreed with something or to question it. I really don't know, but the point is, verbal abuse is WRONG...its NOT a joke unless the other person has been joking all along in a similar way, and trust me, my daughters are very intelligent and know the difference. The point was, ND does not like being cAUGHT and will do anything to save face in front of N father.
