Wow, it's hard coming in late and finding a place to step in, so I'm just going to start walking. I read this awhile back about how to find an appropriate 'other' (something like): " Become the person you want to attract." I.E. the qualities you seek in someone else are the things you value the most and the same is true for that other person you desire. This has really stuck with me. It is a pro-active decision about who you want to be, according to your own personal values. In a way it's an invention of yourself, but it's also a template for your own behavior and feelings.
I really think we need to actively decide who we want to be, otherwise whatever emotion comes along has too much power to define us. We are too much of a blank slate to be written on by any random emotion if we are too passive about who we are. So if we have a petty thought (and who doesn't) if we have a vision of ourselves as a fair, generous person that petty thought has no place to go, it doesn't belong and we can just watch it 'go on by.' But it starts with deciding who you want to be, a decision. And you have to keep working at it and working at it until it can stand on it's own. When you have a feeling you don't like, think about who you want to be. It works for me when I can envision myself.
Bill