Author Topic: Help! It's the "Golden Fantasy"  (Read 2121 times)

flower

  • Guest
Help! It's the "Golden Fantasy"
« on: June 05, 2004, 10:15:09 PM »
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Thanks so much for your supportive help.
 It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
 
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven:  Ecclesiates 3:1

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Anonymous

  • Guest
Help! It's the "Golden Fantasy"
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2004, 12:27:18 PM »
flower,

I'm confused about the reunion and who's going or who isn't going. It seems your father has some ideas about giving you this information, I don't understand his motives either.

But here is my quick thought. Your daughter became delusional after a negative encounter with grandma. That means that grandma is far too high-risk and dangerous for you to be around. As for your brother, I'm not sure why you'd want to have contact with him as he sounds rather cruel and scary. Q: What would you do if he were as mean as ever, with no remorse or apologies for his past misconduct?

bunny

October

  • Guest
Re: Help! It's the "Golden Fantasy"
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2004, 01:20:43 PM »
Quote from: flower



And to top it all off my adult daughter of 25 stood up to my mother in December and since then had very bad insomnia in January and was hospitalized and then has since slipped into a delusional state where she imagines she has another life. My N mom doesn't know that our daughter is ill. She won't have that satisfaction. My heart is broken with the tragicness of my daughter's state.
 




My family has a complete fantasy existence, which I try not to get sucked into, but it is difficult.  In this we are a happy, close knit family, superior to all other beings, of course, because of our lack of emotion, ability to deal with crises and toughness.

My mother is at the centre of it all, and is the primary N, but there is a lot of Nish behaviour around her.  A large part of this is to do with photographs - my family seem obsessed with them, and in particular with pictures of the grandchildren.  If I go to a family event I can guarantee there will be a camera for every male person there - my dad, my brothers, my uncles.  Often I leave my camera at home, because it is all too much.  Too much taking happy pictures of the happy family, to put onto disk and hand to one another.  Yuck!!!!!!

I suspect the invitation is a similar kind of thing.  Evidence of the happy family that you are cutting yourself away from.  'See what you are missing.'  They are - in their terms - showing you what you are missing, but in reality they are saying, look how cosy it is to play happy families.  Don't you really want to play any more??  See how much easier it is than facing reality.

I am really sorry about your daughter's illness.  I think you are wise not to let your mother know.  My mum is very pleased about illness of any kind, and latches on to people who are disadvantaged in any way, because it makes her feel very superior.  Keep her away at all costs!!

Thinking of you and your daughter.

(((((((Flower))))))))

C

write

  • Guest
Help! It's the "Golden Fantasy"
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2004, 01:58:38 PM »
Self-doubt and strong unwanted emotions can eat away at me. At times everything I know that is wrong with my mom will fade away and her "golden fantasy" will seem stronger. It is against all reason.

not really, it's usually a very important relationship with your mother, I used to fantasise about mine when she was alive and she was so toxic I had no contact for many years and actually felt safer when she died. I was always afraid of her.

Now I fantasise that she'll look out for me from heaven in a way that she never could here...

At least you know the difference between the fantasy and reality and are on your healing journey.

Sorry about your daughter's sickness, that must be so hard.