Normal Mothering

[Anonymous]

I dont know if anyone had time to watch Oprah today, well actually, let me put it this way.  I DIDN'T have time, but I DID watch it, LOL, heehee.  Ok, now that I told on myself, I will continue with what I wanted to share with yall.

Oprah had the dude that plays spiderman, can't think of his name, and if I heard it, I was probably crunching on my potato chips so loud I missed it anyway, lol.  She had him on there and she also had every day heroes that had went way above and beyond to save or help someone.  There was a mother on there who had gone on a trip with her husband and children.  The kids ran ahead of the parents and jumped into their SUV.  The SUV was parked on a decline and as the kids jumped in, it immediately began to roll down the hill towards a cliff's edge.  The mother stated that she thought to herself, "I can not live if my children die."  She responded very quickly and decided the only thing she could do to slow the vehicle down before it went off of the cliff was to throw herself in front of the moving vehicle in hopes of atleast slowing it down.  

That is exactly what she did.  She threw herself in front of that moving vehicle and as it ran over her entire body, it lost some of its momentum which slowed it down.  This allowed for the grandpa to jump in and apply the emergency brake.  They stated it was about 2 seconds from going over the cliff.

Because of doing this, the mother is parallyzed from the waist down.  It broke her back in several places when the SUV rolled over her.  She stated that she would rather be parallyzed from the waist down then to live without the children.  She then stated that she can live with her legs not moving, she just knew she would be parallyzed with grief for the rest of her life if the kids would have died.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I thought of this thread and I smiled and thought, now that is what  Normal Mothering is and should be.  I would die for my kids, obviously this woman thought on the same level as normal people do.

I have a feeling that N mothers would first glance down to see what shoes they had on, how far they had to run to help the brats who were to impatient to wait for her because they are selfish, who was she going to spank first or which one of the brats was she going to belittle because she had to exert her precious self and etc.

Huh, a woman who risk her life to save her children versus someone who has to out of their way to get the brats that were to selfish to wait.  What a great comparison for this thread.

Sniff, Sniff.  I did stop eating my chips during that part.  LOL!!  You would think I was a queen and was entitled to lounge around and eat bon bons if yall would have seen me today.  You name it, I eat it as I did nothing but park on the sectional, lol, oh well, we all deserve those days.

[Jaded911]

DOH!!, I had to go get a coke, lol, to wash down the chips probly, lol.  I must have been to slow, it logged me as guest, that was me yall.  Dang, cant a girl move slowly when her belly's to full.  Tisk, Tisk.

[Ellie]

Dear Guest,
Your explanation of the 'Normal' mom from Oprah hits to the core. My own mother would have watched us go over the cliff, sobbing greatly, but live the rest of her life through the comfort of others, and relishing the fact that she is now the center of attention for something so horrible to happen to her family!

[flower]

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Thanks so much for your insight and support.
 It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
 
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven:  Ecclesiates 3:1

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[shixie]

The N's in my family have always been men. I am thankful for my normal mother. My heart goes out to all of you with N mother's.

[Less]

A good friend of mine was killed in a car accident recently. Sometimes we  would talk about our mothers not realizing that they were N mothers but marvelling at the similarities.  At her memorial service I paid particular attn. to her parents. Her father, as expected, was frail and devastated.  Her mother seemed a little weepy but managed to bolt down a lot of food and be quite social. She said to another friend of mine:  "Well you'll have to come by and be my daughter now." Spoken like a true N I think. This friend is now trying to fill the void.  She knows that the daughter-mother relationship was very troubled but has stepped in and already seems trapped.  The father was a gem and so I'm happy he will be getting some comfort.

It is also some comfort I suppose to know that this N condition is a deficiency that nobody actually asks for.[still need to get the books so excuse the ignorance] It's a full blown syndrome that seems to take up residence in its host,  with similiar manifestations in all N's. I too think my N mother would actually like nothing better than for my H and Children to somehow just sadly [cue the crocodile tears] disappear so she could possess me fully again.

  Perhaps it's true that we can all parent and love the child within us.

Your stories touch me deeply - little fuzzy toothless Flower, Ellie with your oh so dramatically sad mother. Just want to gather You all up, MM, Bunny, Portia, Shixie, Guest, Jaded and anyone else writing on the board or just reading this for the first time... for a big cosmic cyberspace hug.

[Less]

Less,
Your words are comforting. We all feel such pain from the Ns in our lives.

I too have said my parents would love for my H to die so they can step back into my life and consume me and my children. I know this so strongly that we changed our will to x out all my family members so they could not touch my children in an unfortunate event.

My daughter spent 3 weeks with my parents when she was 3 (only because a snow storm prevented us from driving 4 hours to get her) and my mother would call, put her on the phone and boldly tell her (my daughter) to tell me "she didin't love me anymore, she wanted to live with her grandma." My daughter was so young she didn't comprehend so she said what she was told. She told me later in her life that she remembered standing at their front door crying for me, but my mother  dragged her away from the door and fussed at her for crying. She told her her mother and daddy didn't want her anymore - that they left her there and would not come back for her - that she only had them for parents now. She never wants to see them again!

[Ellie]

oops - so sorry - I put Less's name where mine shoud go. The above post is from Ellie. So sorry Less.

[Jaded911]

You know what I was thinking today.  Just because a woman gives a child life, it does not make her a mommy.  A mommy gives a child the love, nurturing, and skills that enable them to LIVE that LIFE to the fullest.  

Almost all mammals can breed. It is what you do afterwards that determines their destiny.