Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Normal Mothering

<< < (5/5)

Less:
A good friend of mine was killed in a car accident recently. Sometimes we  would talk about our mothers not realizing that they were N mothers but marvelling at the similarities.  At her memorial service I paid particular attn. to her parents. Her father, as expected, was frail and devastated.  Her mother seemed a little weepy but managed to bolt down a lot of food and be quite social. She said to another friend of mine:  "Well you'll have to come by and be my daughter now." Spoken like a true N I think. This friend is now trying to fill the void.  She knows that the daughter-mother relationship was very troubled but has stepped in and already seems trapped.  The father was a gem and so I'm happy he will be getting some comfort.

It is also some comfort I suppose to know that this N condition is a deficiency that nobody actually asks for.[still need to get the books so excuse the ignorance] It's a full blown syndrome that seems to take up residence in its host,  with similiar manifestations in all N's. I too think my N mother would actually like nothing better than for my H and Children to somehow just sadly [cue the crocodile tears] disappear so she could possess me fully again.

  Perhaps it's true that we can all parent and love the child within us.

Your stories touch me deeply - little fuzzy toothless Flower, Ellie with your oh so dramatically sad mother. Just want to gather You all up, MM, Bunny, Portia, Shixie, Guest, Jaded and anyone else writing on the board or just reading this for the first time... for a big cosmic cyberspace hug.

Less:
Less,
Your words are comforting. We all feel such pain from the Ns in our lives.

I too have said my parents would love for my H to die so they can step back into my life and consume me and my children. I know this so strongly that we changed our will to x out all my family members so they could not touch my children in an unfortunate event.

My daughter spent 3 weeks with my parents when she was 3 (only because a snow storm prevented us from driving 4 hours to get her) and my mother would call, put her on the phone and boldly tell her (my daughter) to tell me "she didin't love me anymore, she wanted to live with her grandma." My daughter was so young she didn't comprehend so she said what she was told. She told me later in her life that she remembered standing at their front door crying for me, but my mother  dragged her away from the door and fussed at her for crying. She told her her mother and daddy didn't want her anymore - that they left her there and would not come back for her - that she only had them for parents now. She never wants to see them again!

Ellie:
oops - so sorry - I put Less's name where mine shoud go. The above post is from Ellie. So sorry Less.

Jaded911:
You know what I was thinking today.  Just because a woman gives a child life, it does not make her a mommy.  A mommy gives a child the love, nurturing, and skills that enable them to LIVE that LIFE to the fullest.  

Almost all mammals can breed. It is what you do afterwards that determines their destiny.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page