SKILLS FOR DEALING WITH NARCISSISM

[Gabben]

Gabben: 
 

I'm stepping past the old stuff and I'd like you to come with, K?

BTW.... you'd be surprised at how folks line up here, with regard to opinions and intensity of feeling.

There aren't 2 sides aligned against each other, though that might have been what was represented to you or seemed the case. 

The same people don't always agree and this past stuff isn't going to happen anymore..... though there will be new differences to take it's place: /

The adventure continues....

Hi Lighter,

I appreciate your post above so much -- your cool


Looking at myself and admitting my beautiful flaws, the shortcomings that helped me to survive the trauma of my childhood, is hard work. I respect people, people who are willing to take the adventure with me! Hang in there....it is going to be a bumpy thread!

((((LIGHTER))) here for support, encouragement and compassion, if needed.

Lise

[lighter]

Whew!  So glad that's behind us, lol. 

Now..... lets start some new threads and see where that takes us

[Leah]

Dear Lise,

My heart sincerely reaches out to you as I am aware of how the article created feelings that caused you to feel hurt and angst.

And you have bared your soul sharing of what happened to you, which you know, has my deepest empathy and understanding.

Much love to you, Lise.

Genuinely, that all I have to give.

Much love,

Leah

[Gabben]

Dear Lise,

My heart sincerely reaches out to you as I am aware of how the article created feelings that caused you to feel hurt and angst.

And you have bared your soul sharing of what happened to you, which you know, has my deepest empathy and understanding.

Much love to you, Lise.

Genuinely, that all I have to give.

Much love,

Leah

Hi Leah,

Thanks for seeking to understand rather than to be understood.

However, the article you posted did not cause me to feel angst, (could that be a projection on your part?) I never said that rather your posting on my thread caused me to feel angst. Your explanation for posting behind my article still has not proved very sincere to me, but that is just my opinion.

Leah - I am done. I know what you are doing and you do not fool me. Don't worry, I want everyone here to like you and see you as the loving and kind person that you are - I'm not trying to smear you...or betray you. I was just speaking....drum roll.........MY VOICE!

I am taking a break from this board because I have felt bullied and right now I hurt inside. It is not about you or this posting...my feelings are about my FOO and I am stepping back to cry some tears and relive the pain of feeling pushed aside, ignored, denied my true perception, betrayed and rejected --- ouch! I'm glad that I have freinds who genuinely do care with warm super big hearts -

But first... I'm going shopping - retail therapy!!!

Bye now.

Lise

[sunblue]

Hi all:

I just saw this thread and felt compelled to post.  I suffer from depression.  Serious clinical depression.  I have suffered depression since I was very young although I wasn't diagnosed many, many years past my childhood.  Not surprisingly, my Nmom and co-D never noticed or took an interest.  When I asked my dad to see my therapist with me awhile back, his response was that "some people don't believe in that kind of thing."  Neither he nor my Nmom are able or willing to acknowledge the depth of my depression, let alone the reasons for it.  My Nmom, of course, is blameless (in her eyes).  My dad just takes no interest in anything or anyone other than my mom.  I have been on medication for a number of years although nothing really has worked. I've tried many different kinds. 

I've heard the theory that depression is "anger inverted".  I'm not yet sure if that is true.  I do feel angry and resentful at the way I was treated by my Nparents, but my depression is very deep.  I feel constant hopelessness, despair and overwhelming sadness.  It never goes away.  It is so frustrating for me that people in my family don't understand depression.  My family members are some of the most un-empathetic people I know.  They are incapable of offering emotional support  and encouragement.  My Nmom, especially, has no use for me or my depression.  She regards it as a personal weakness and refuses to understand the reasons behind depression.  Of course, my Nsis, who has a host of anxiety problems is a different problem.  Whenever she calls with the slightest complaint or problem, my Nmom literally runs to her.  Whatever my Nsis goes through is 1,000 times worse than anyone else.  She has complete empathy for her.  None for me.

I have faced nothing but disappointment in my life and of course, the depression doesn't help matters.  Depression has stolen my life from me.  No family, no friends, no love, no success of any kind.  While depression is a very treatable illness, the truth is treatment does not work in every case.  Mine is one of those.  Despite many different med cocktails, my depression has not gotten better.  Personally, I think my depression is directly linked to my family problems.  But it is such a sad illness.  I often wish I had the courage to end my situation.  It is extraordinarly painful and lonely, this depression.

My wish is for others to try and understand depression better.  There's situational depressiona and then there's clinical depression.  The latter is a long-term illness that you don't "snap out of".  It's ironic that those with depression need empathy and support more than anyone, yet if they come from N families, they are least likely to get it.  Worse than that, they are usually criticized or blamed for having depression and for the behaviors and symptoms that accompany it. 

[Gabben]

My dad just takes no interest in anything or anyone other than my mom. 

Hi Sunblue,

First, as I was reading your post I felt overwhelming compassion for you. Today has been a rough day for me and I can relate much to feeling ashamed for what the world perceives, or might perceive, as a weakness.

When you said above about your Dad must really hurt on some levels --  that feeling of being ignored? The pain can be so great I would not blame you if you needed or wanted to push it as far a way as possible.

Sometimes I think that the people with the most tender hearts are the ones who have needed to push their pain away the most.

I've heard the theory that depression is "anger inverted".  I'm not yet sure if that is true.  I do feel angry and resentful at the way I was treated by my Nparents, but my depression is very deep.  I feel constant hopelessness, despair and overwhelming sadness.  

-- I hear your pain and I acknowledge YOU and your deep hurt.

All of your feelings are OK - I suspect that you are pretty OK too.

We all need to hear words of love, spoken words that we are valued, that we are seen as special, that we are important to someone, that we mean something? We need to be affirmed that we are here.

If just reading this brings tears to your eyes it is because you never got these needs really met and that can bring you great depression and despair it sounds like you were ignored by your father and unacknowledged by your Nmom as well as abused in ways that are so subtle but feel so big. Where has the genuine love been in your life? You deserve to be loved.

For years I suffered from depression but I don't think I have suffered exactly what you are experiencing so I am going to be careful because I do not want to dismiss your type of depression. I'm only going to relate my experience but from a nonjudgmental and compassionate place.

Depression, for me, was my anger turned inward. However, my anger was so deeply shamed by my mom that it took years for me to get in touch with it. Then one day - kapoosh! There it was and I was angry and not happy but I also slipped out of depression and I have rarely experienced any depression days except a mild dose depression that usually precedes a bout of tears and a layer of deep pain.

They say that depression is only a symptom of a deeper underlining emotional problem. Usually anger and anger is for me a defense to feeling the hurt of so much betrayal from my own parents.

Depression can be a way that your body is trying to tell you something is not right.

If you want talk about your childhood and feelings, really talk about the pain in your heart I am all ears...I'll be here and others will too - we will hold your hand through the pain. I am a big promoter of tears. They release toxins and help you see reality better.

I have faced nothing but disappointment in my life -- I often wish I had the courage to end my situation.  It is extraordinarily painful and lonely, this depression.

I hear your cry for help. I am here. It is OK to feel that way. I would say that you had it pretty rough. But imagine this, God lead you to this thread....perhaps because he loves you and made you.

I'm glad that you are here.

((((sunblue))))

Lise