Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Does the N ever receive HER just deserts?

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Anonymous:

--- Quote from: Clueless ---when I lived with that woman she'd ignore everything I said and tell me " what was best" for me. If I said anything she didn't like she always had the " you have no feelings anyway" reply, even though I was in full blown mourning for all the friends I'd lest in England. I felt like I'd died, but she kept putting the boot in. The thing is, I believe I have some major issues, but after 4 yrs of her I didn't know which way was up anymore. Now I think I'm just like her, except that I'm the passive version to her aggressive version.
--- End quote ---


This woman was obviously manipulative and a horror to live with. Unfortunately she traumatized you further.



--- Quote from: Clueless ---I don't know... I see other people, and they are happy and loving and I'm just negative and afraid - aarghhhh!
--- End quote ---


What makes you think people are so happy? Most of them are not.



--- Quote from: Clueless ---As for the depersonalistaion, what happens is that I have a different persona for different people, and that's something I've had for yrs. If i was in a room with my ex, my school friends and my family I'd literally go nuts. With my ex, who was very loving and kind but needing a little reassurance Inormal) I' d be overly critical, distant, dismissive. With his friends I was catatonic or extremely restless. And NEVER talked about what I was actually feeling at the time...
--- End quote ---


hmm, this isn't depersonalisation as I understand it. My understanding of it is a state where one feels unreal and can't access reality as we usually know it. What you're describing doesn't sound quite like that, but more like turning off your real self and feeling numb, frozen, or possibly enraged or hostile.

If you're dishing out s*** to people whom you feel don't deserve it, you can absolutely work on that.

bunny

sidney:
Sorry but I think this thread has gotten way off the original topic.


Clueless,

I do beleive you have a right to be angry. But not to dole out s**t as you say. Sometimes we need to require more of ourselves.

Yes. That's a judgement. I'm not trying to be a contrarian. It's just a thought that will possibly get you out of your current mode of thinking. It sounds like you need to read about setting boundries so people won't run over you.

You could start a new thread also.

Sid

Anonymous:
sidney,

As I recall, I believe that it was clueless speaking his peace.  Why in the hell you thought you could dictate the course of the thread is beyond me.  You know what, if you think it is getting way out of hand, then perhaps you should pass this one up.

You sounded bossy and very very insensitive on your post.

Anonymous:
Hey all,

I don't like dishing out s**t to people, so I try not to.  What do you do? I LEFT MY EX because i was HURTING HIM. He was VERY sad, his friends thought I should "try harder" and everyone STILL thinks I'm insensitive and cruel. What should I have done? keep on hurting someone AND myself?

Talking about these things on this board has been a REAL help to me, and I'm going to go into therapy again and hope that helps more this time. As for the thread getting out of hand, I'm sorry about that, but I was just repying to people who replied to me.

Anonymous:

--- Quote from: Anonymous ---I don't like dishing out s**t to people, so I try not to.  What do you do? I LEFT MY EX because i was HURTING HIM. He was VERY sad, his friends thought I should "try harder" and everyone STILL thinks I'm insensitive and cruel. What should I have done? keep on hurting someone AND myself?
--- End quote ---


Hi Clueless,

It is okay to end a relationship that has become miserable, dead-end, etc. If you were unhappy, with almost no hope for improvement, it may be the best thing to end it. However, if you made a sacrifice based on his friends' opinions, that's another story. And if your ex was so sad, he could have ended the relationship. Apparently he didn't choose to do that.

Ignore that other poster. He sounds like a troublemaker/disrupter.

bunny

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