((((((((Ann)))))))) that's a very brave question, I think.
I have four children, 2 grown and 2 still at home. At times their behavior has greatly disappointed me. At other times, the behavior of those on whom they had placed so much hope has disappointed me even more (including myself).
I don't believe that there's any way to live intimately with each other for so many years without offering up repeated opportunities for offense to each other. The question is... will we pick up those offenses? I have, and I know that my children have, from me, because we've discussed it... and yet, none of us has chosen to nurture those offenses and allow them to grow roots of resentment. We're not hooked into each other's identity in a controlling way which doesn't allow for independence... we are not objects, to each other.
My feeling is that as a parent, if my expectations for my children are focused on their happiness and fulfillment, there's only room to be disappointed for them, when they're hurt and disappointed, not with them.
My mother, on the other hand, treated me as an accessory to her identity, never once asking me what I wanted to do or which interests I might like to pursue. In her eyes, I was clay to be molded... not a gem to be revealed. Rejection of that control is what breeds resentment.
Love to you,
Carolyn
P.S. Thank you so much for inviting me on the other thread to talk about those envelopes. You have me wondering about how I really feel about them... and so I need to ponder on that some more. (((((((Annie)))))))