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kelly8893:
Yuki, you are in the right place. I was brought up with both parents too, but they each had their own world. My mother is bi-polar with schizophania and my dad was a workaholic so he was gone most of the time ( he traveled) I didn't have a conversation with him until my brother died at 12. My sister and I were 15 and 16 at the time. (With my mom) I have had to come to grips with the fact she will never be the kind of mother who takes you to the mall and goes for coffee and have a good time. Her world is being crazy and making us kids try and be in her world. She wouldn't leave the house for 10 years because someone or something would get her and find us!?! ( Whatever?!!)  She is still this way today and I am 41 years old, she has improved some in the past 2 years with the doctors trying different meds but it is always interesting interacting with her and I am sure it always will be. So I understand trying to find your voice in a new world (being on your own)after being in the isolated world of CRAZY people ( to bad it was our parents) I didn't get depressed in the "normal way" most people do, somewhere I decided that I needed to work myself to death for no glory (the joan of arc sydrome). A year ago when I had divorced my ex-husband after 17 years ( he is an alcoholic) and left my 7 year N ( major N) boyfriend. I became really sick and I promised God I would find my "own voice" ( Life on my own) a real job that wasn't killing me and find a better life for me and my 2 kids. I have done this with much patiences and prayers. I still surprise myself just 2 days ago that I, Me , myself and mohya that I have a voice and I have an opinon and I have tastes and I have things I like to do and not to do and I can be friends with who ever I want and I can do the things the I like to do, like go to the mall and have coffee and have fun!!!   I can even have cake for dinner if I want ( sound good?):) anyway I guess I am telling you I have been there where you are many many many times and even though it is difficult and the road might seem hard, it is a far harder road to still live in "Their World" the wrapped, crazy, make no sense world. We were "blessed?" with having our growing up years distorted and we just have to find the "voice" or "looking glass" that makes sense to us.  You will find your voice and you will feel much pain lifted! It is a great feeling and I know you will find it. Just be patient with yourself and know that you are not alone in dealing with crazy people. You are your best resource and if you trust yourself alittle and take a chance you will find your voice, I know it! Have a great week! kelly

Portia:
Hiya Yuki!  :D Talk away. Do you like cake?! :D


--- Quote ---I can even have cake for dinner if I want ( sound good?)
--- End quote ---
yes Kelly, and you saying that made me think, hmmm, maybe that's why myself and other half are putting on weight, we allow ourselves whatever we want now because we're adults and freeeee to choose whatever we want to eat! A silly thing, but very significant. Yeah, choc ices and olives on the same plate for dinner - why not? It's not a crime! P

kelly8893:
Portia yes yes yes, I am not skinny but I also have the men still look!!
I know how can such a small choice seem so big to us!!! Very significate!
It is so freeing to actually have a choice and get to have what we want and not have someone tell us that "it is wrong" :) I have a big laugh at the people in my life that have tried to control it thourgh Narssisim or phyiscal abuse or mental abuse, they tried so hard to do it but I finally stood up and said NO I am a person and I have all the rights as you!!!
I have had a trying 6 months but how wonderful it has been to not have someone telling that everything about it is wrong!!!!:) Here's to Cake with olives and mocha if we feel like it for lunch!!!:) Have a great rest of the week!! Kelly

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