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Names

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October:
Does anyone else feel as if they don't have a name??  My name is Catherine, and my family always use it in full, if at all, but I rarely hear it.  My friends call me Cathy, mainly because my Nmum and echo dad always objected to shortened names when we were small, so now I can choose for myself I choose a shortened name for my friends to use.

But my t asked me yesterday which I preferred, and I said I don't mind.  I said neither of them is really me, because I don't have a name.

Does anyone else have this same feeling??

I know my mum says that when my older brother was small she used to call him 'boy', and she laughed at me when I was a baby and started to say the same thing.  She never says what she called me, and I suspect I had no name for a long time.  (She always laughs at babies for doing what is perfectly normal for babies to do, in terms of playing and talking.)

When I remember hearing my name as a child, it was always when I was being told off for something, and with a nasty tone of voice.  It was a warning, or threat.

I know she didn't want me when I was born, but I don't know much more than that about the early years.  She never mentions them.  Even with my daughter, she never says, you are just like your mother at that age (although she is very like me).  And there are no pictures of me as a baby.  Lots of my brothers, but none of me before I was a toddler.

C

flower:
------------------------------------------------------

Thanks so much for your insight and support.
 It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
 
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven:  Ecclesiates 3:1

------------------------------------------------------------

Portia:
Similar feelings here..I have a middle name which my mother tells me was what a previous girlfriend of my father's was called...so that negates that name pretty well and makes it bad. The only time my full first name was used was in anger. And I was mostly called by stupid pet names (quite debasing ones too). Think I'll adopt Portia! :D

I like this song 'Give me back my name' by Talking Heads:

There's a word for it
And words don't mean a thing
There's name for it
And names make all the difference in the world
Some things can never be spoken
Some things cannot be pronounced
That word does not exist in any language
It will never be uttered by a human mouth

Let X make a statement
Let breath pass through those cracked lips
That man was my hero
And now that word has been taken from us
Some things can never be spoken
Some things cannot be pronounced
That word does not exist in any language
It will never be uttered by a human mouth

Give me back my name
Give me back my name
Something has been changed in my life
Something has been changed in my life
Something must be returned to us
Something must be returned to us

         YEAH! And we have to take it! Best, P

shixie:
Did anyone ever read the books by Dave Pelzer? A Child Called It, The Lost Boy, and A Man Named Dave.  He was the worst documented child abuse case in the state of California.  His N abusive mother tried several times to kill him.  He slept on a cot in the garage ate garbage and wore dirty clothes.  Heart wrenching story of survival and living.  An amazing man.

Anonymous:
cathy

i know exactly what you mean about your name.  i've often thought about changing mine too.

my name is a made up name - a combination of my N mother's name and my absent father's name.  i've been asked to explain the origin of my name countless times because it's unusual and people are curious.  it has always made me uncomfortable because every time someone asks me the story of my name, i have had to explain it, even though i was not comfortable speaking about my father who had left us and i barely knew.  i also look unusual due to mixed ethnicity, so i think people were also trying to figure out how to place me in that way too.  i've always found it intrusive, although not anyone's fault because how could they know it was so loaded to me?  

i've often wished for a name that was not so loaded with uncomfortable family attachments.  i suppose i *could* change it, but i have no idea what my name should be..

claris (not my real name!)

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