Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Names
gardener:
:D Just a thought, I found this little quote on a page of childrens writings and thought you'd all like it.
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4
Ellie:
Same in my family.
The girls were 'Sis' to my father. He only used our real names when he was angry, then it was first and middle - we KNEW he was mad.
When he spoke to us about our mother, it was 'your mommy'. He only used her name when angry, then it was first and middle and he was yelling it.
And now at 44 years of age - if we were speaking, he would still refer to her as my mommy. They got very upset when I started calling them "mom" and "dad" in my teen years. They kept saying they were my mommy and daddy. A light should have gone off long ago!
BF or H was 'boy' to his face as in "listen here boy", or "well boy, you shoud know"
Anonymous:
This strikes a chord with me as well! Thanks for bringing it up!
My H is referred to as "son" by his father. His N father also called his wife "wif" His N father had lots of "playful" names for people, as does my husband.
My H has nick names for people to. H sometimes calls me "wify"
He referrs to co workers as: "Sniper Matt" "Tiny head" "Psycho Matt"
My H has a voice for me called "Jenny voice" It is a meek child's voice with a lisp. He has a voice for his mom and for other female coworkers and friends. He uses them in jest, but I don't think it is very respectful.
My name is Jennifer Susan. Susan is my mother's first name (that might point to an N tendency!) and incidentally the first name of my Mother in law as well. I may never go by Susan, or my husband will flip out! (His mother's middle innitial is J. She was SJK and I am JSK) I don't want that name anyway because it doesn't belong to me. It belongs to my mother.
My parents call me Jennifer. I never felt they knew me. And it is associated with anger. So, I have my friends call me Jenny. There are so many Jennys my age, I feel like a clone. Not to mention, "Jenny" is not taken seriously. It sounds like a sex toy or a child's name. I have enough trouble getting anyone to take me seriously or treat me like an adult. I am 22 and I look like I am 12. I don't feel like Jennifer, or Jenny. When people ask what they should call me, I say "whatever"
My screen name is mixed up letters from all of my names, mine, my mom's, my father's, my husband's... None feel like mine. But I am trying to make them mine. I could have created something that sounded more like me!
When I married, I had trouble deciding whether to keep my father's name, take my husband's name or hyphenate. My husband wanted me to take his. In the end, I did, because they both came from a man, so I didn't feel it mattered.
I have started to practice saying my name... "Jennifer Susan, grand-daughter of Catherine" (a woman I love and admire, and wouldn't mind taking after).
Peace, sjkravill
October:
--- Quote from: Anonymous ---This strikes a chord with me as well! Thanks for bringing it up!
My H is referred to as "son" by his father. His N father also called his wife "wif" His N father had lots of "playful" names for people, as does my husband.
I have started to practice saying my name... "Jennifer Susan, grand-daughter of Catherine" (a woman I love and admire, and wouldn't mind taking after).
Peace, sjkravill
--- End quote ---
Sounds like you are in a similar position to me. I stick with Cathy, but it is a bit twee, and not really 'me'. Strangely, I once heard a good friend use my full name with a gentle tone of voice, and it really scared me. I didn't know what to do, and I wanted to cry. In fact I think I did cry. It sounded so strange. Perhaps that is what my name should be; a different tone of voice.
You could always try Jenn. That is a bit more grown up. Some neighbours call me Cath, and it is kind of ok. I usually don't mind any version, except I hate the name Kate. My mum tried it out for a while when I was smaller and I refused to answer to it.
C
Karin:
"I have enough trouble getting anyone to take me seriously or treat me like an adult. I am 22 and I look like I am 12."
I obviously don't know what you look like sjkravill, but I thought of you as much older because you always write with so much maturity and sensitivity; I was gob-smacked to read that you're only 22!
What really matters IS what's in your head and heart and if people don't take you seriously because of what you look like then they're not worth knowing anyway. Their loss.
(My 25 year old daughter has the very same problem!).
Karin.
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