Setting the record straight about Ami

[An Observer]

As close as you and I were, when you asked me NOT to PM you anymore--- that was the end of the friendship---in MY mind. 
  I graciously wished you well . To me, it was over at that point.
 

With respect,

After going through all these postings again .....

The thing that really stands out clearly is that Janet asked you to stop posting about the secrets and lies as they were abusive

Ami, you never * saw * that

and you never apologised to Janet



And, Janet did not cut-off her friendship from you


Instead, Ami, it was you who cut your friendship off from Janet

with such finality.


That really strikes a chord here.

[Gabben]

As far as quoting "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone" I'd like you all to realize what happens next in that Bible story.  The people begin putting down their stones and leaving...OLDEST TO YOUNGEST.  Who of us are the oldest or most mature in these types of matters?  Well, those should be the first to leave the stance of condemnation yet still stand in agreement with Jesus' statement "Neither do I condemn you.  Go and SIN NO MORE."  That must be our way of seeing someone even in the very act of a sin.  Accountability yet no stones thrown...again my view only.

Laura

Thank you Laura for being a voice of reason and compassion here. I hear ya and I'm leaving. I'm not even going to read this thread after this. Others on this forum need support and I will turn my attention to them.

You are correct.

I'll support Ami behind the scenes.

Lise

[Ami]

Thank you Laura . That was a very godly response and I greatly appreciate it,Laura.              Ami

[Certain Hope]

Dear Janet,

I'd not expected to post to you again, but just wanted you to know that I can and do empathise with your feelings here... I think... because I've been in this position. I've also been in the position of finally speaking up about those feelings and receiving the associated backlash.
It was worth it... and maybe never needs to be repeated again, I dunno, but I must say:
Thank you for sharing your feelings here now... and then. Mainly I admire your straightforward-ness and your determination to stand up for the truth as you see it. So often in the past I've felt, at times, almost like I was considered a minor character in someone else's life's drama... objectified...  and I'm very grateful to have heard your voice clearly here today... so thanks.

With love,
Carolyn

[JanetLG]

OK, I went for a cup of tea, and missed loads!!

Gabben/Lise, I would rather be honest, too. That's why I started this thread.

Laura,

Thanks for your input. But I think that the kind of 'interaction' that you would have liked to see between me and Ami (somehow getting a third party to intervene?) simply doesn't happen on this forum - we are left to our own devices, until it gets so bad that threads are locked, or the original poster pulls the thread, or Dr Grossman steps in. It just isn't possible to have a real 'couples therapy session' on a forum like this. And, frankly, it had got far beyond that with Ami. I do not want to 'make it up' with Ami, now. I would not have HAD TO post this publicly, if Ami had been honest in her posts on the other thread about what had happened between us when our friendship ended. I just wanted the truth to be known. Surely, many people on this forum will resonate with that?

I never thought I'd say this, Lighter, but 'thank you'. You are very sensible, and can work a lot of things out.

Carolyn, 'Backlash' is the word, but I was expecting it, actually. But what I wasn't expecting was the support, and I've had bucketloads of that, some of it behind the scenes, from people too wary to post (which I understand completely). Thanks a lot.


Janet

[An Observer]

 
Post by: Ami on December 11, 2007, 08:07:24 PM
 
If you guys want to pig pile  on me--have at it. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.


LOOK and SEE


Do you realize that it was AMI herself who bounced the posting of the Bible Scripture on the first page,    Laura

as an attempt to justify her behaviour to Janet with reference to the violation of the private messaging.


Janet has explained that is was not about the actual affair itself


BUT the secrets and lies

The abuse of her life story

Lack of Respect and Integrity

What of Deception on the board

We SEE one Ami BUT there is another AMI


Wwhatever happened to commonsense and integrity?


As I * see * it   * clearly *  throughout all posts read with care and attention.


An Observer who can * SEE * the real issue - the real truth


Leah - I commend you

Leah was attacked in the 'mirror' process


LOOK and SEE

[Ami]

My final word on this thread was that I didn't do anything TO Janet except talk about a "generic" friend on another thread. If anyone cares to lacerate me---have at it.                           Ami

[Overcomer]

The comic relief is here but I am not laughing.  Am I feel you wear your emotions on your sleeve but I do not think Ami's name should have been stated.  But I do think dysfunction should have light shed on it and should not go underground.

[Gabben]

I'm sorry but I could not resist...below is the post from Ami where she discloses her feelings about the rejection. Does this sound like a person incapable of being honest? Does this sound like N behavior? I mean come on -- N's would never care about being rejected. An if they did they would not write about this or like this.


I have a question:

If Ami did act immature and over step her limits, is that abuse? Is it wrong when she is open about her pain, willing to face herself, which is more than most people ever do? When I read this below I see someone with a conscious and with a heart.
I also see a repentance for her behavior - so then why does she need to be wrung out in shame here? She is not perfect, is she supposed to be?

(Also - "an observer" and "dismayed"  Are you Leah's friends or are you Leah -- you have the same writing style as Leah and it is interesting how you always show up at the right moment.)

Lise
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you Lise and Seasons,
  I think that I am getting to a DEEP layer.Whatever my outside circumstances my true "foe" is shame.. Today, I had a rejection from s/one. Rejection is just part of life. We all have been on both sides of it and will continue to be. It just happens.
 Actually,it was very freeing for me, surprisingly. I read an article that IF you are afraid of s/thing, you should put yourself in the path of it repeatedly until you are not afraid anymore.
  At first,I felt horrible. Then,I thought, this is just part of life.I have been hiding from life for too long. I was afraid of "ghosts'. Rejection only hurts to the degree that I shame myself. IF I see it as simply "people moving on". I will be fine .I AM fine, actually.
  I really and truly think that I should get in line for more rejection(LOL) b/c it is a big bogeyman.It really is. The ONLY time that it destroys you is if YOU shame yourself with it.(as I said)
  If you just say,"Hey,people move on",then,you are OK.
 What is happening to me is that I am learning junior high lessons at an older age. In junior high, you make up and break up. You screw up and learn. You CAN  be immature b/c you are at the "right" age. I am at too old of an age to be 'immature'. HOWEVER, I am immature.(emotionally) It iS that simple. I AM learning junior high lessons ,now. It is true.
  Maybe,I was too immature for my friend. I can live with that simply b/c I must find my voice's matter who I lose or gain.I simply cannot go back to 'Miss Nice".
   I am so tired from this that I wonder IF I am getting better or worse. I am sure that you know THAT feeling. You are simply exhausted from all these emotions.
  Inside me, I have a little feeling that I actually AM getting better. I hope so. Lord,I hope so     Ami

[lighter]

IF you have s/thing to say to me ,lighter,take your best shot--leave Lise out of  it.

Ummm... I'm pretty sure I just fired one off.... and it wasn't anything to do about Lise.  

[lighter]

Janet's having her say..... she'll be OK.

It's Ami who feels misunderstood and unable to wrap her mind around the fact that bringing her version of this TO THE BOARD was what started this thread.

Not the fact that she was being a good little soldier and staying out of Janet's box.
 

BTW... thanks for speaking kindly of me, Janet.

I know it wasn't easy, and......

 YVW.

[Ami]

I didn't do anything wrong.It is that simple. If people have issues with me or themselves,my conscience is clear.If s/one does not like me, that is their problem. I conduct myself in an honorable way.If s/one does not agree---so be it.I am here and I will stay here . That is my story and I am sticking to it.          Ami


For the record Janet never asked me NOT to talk about my "situation'. In fact,I ASKED ,Was it a trigger. She said,"No.' Anyone can believe what they want and who they want. I KNOW how I conducted myself. I know that I am telling the truth. I am at peace.

[confucious]

PM's to Ami yesterday included these:

"I think the world of you, and I don't want to see you hurt, as I keep on telling you, but I'm not going to go round in circles, discussing  'the next move' with you in something that I don't approve of.

I hope you understand what I mean, and why I'm saying it.

Janet"

*****

"I'm not saying I don't want to have anything to do with you.

It's just the **** thing is not something I want to have to deal with.

If you want to end our friendship, then OK - I'll always think more than just kindly of you. I think you're great, you've just got a lot to sort out.


Janet"

*****

"I'd still like to be friends, but for now, can we only talk on the forum, not by PM? That way, I can still help you, and talk things over with you, but I'd feel it was more 'open'. It's the secrecy thing that I don't like (not just with ****).

What do you think?

Janet

PS : I don't think you're 'bad', by the way, (but I think that *you* do)."

****

[Gabben]

 
Post by: Ami on December 11, 2007, 08:07:24 PM
 
If you guys want to pig pile  on me--have at it. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.


LOOK and SEE


Do you realize that it was AMI herself who bounced the posting of the Bible Scripture on the first page,    Laura

as an attempt to justify her behaviour to Janet with reference to the violation of the private messaging.


Janet has explained that is was not about the actual affair itself


BUT the secrets and lies

The abuse of her life story

Lack of Respect and Integrity

What of Deception on the board

We SEE one Ami BUT there is another AMI


Wwhatever happened to commonsense and integrity?


As I * see * it   * clearly *  throughout all posts read with care and attention.


An Observer who can * SEE * the real issue - the real truth


Leah - I commend you

Leah was attacked in the 'mirror' process


LOOK and SEE

If anyone is curious  - just look at the writing style of this and Leah's - It is quite obvious to me that Leah is posting under different names.

Notice the atrisks and the bold highlighting - Leah writes exactly the same.

Look and see.

Lise

[Leah]

Dear Lise,

Why are you so intent with your continual crusade of sabotage against my character?


Look at JanetLG's post ......


Posted by JanetLG on December 11, 2007, 08:52:45 PM

« Reply #27 on: December 11, 2007, 08:52:45 PM »


The person has posted the above with the oh so obvious to everyone selection of using the QUOTE option and thereby posting

JANETLG's posting in it's original entirety.


May I ask that you refrain from your crusade against my character forthwith as it a sad witness.

As your ongoing tirade is not healthy, to me personally nor to the other members of the board.

In truth, it is becoming somewhat tiresome.

Thank you.

Leah


PS.  I would add that many people here on the board have been adopting the use of the   *  quite recently after my posting of

Communication skills which I take as a personal compliment and encouragement that the time taken in putting the thread together has

been greatly appreciated.  Maybe, you have not taken the time to notice, whereas, I have.


Also, I too adopt other little useful items and phrases from other people here on board as I value what the person has to teach me.


Many here are trying with much effort to post their posts in a way that aids communication, perception, understanding and interpretation.

Many people here, myself included, don't appreciate "The Games People Play"


Thank you ((( ALL ))) for your support and kindness.


Love, Leah