A good outcome in the end

[betr4]

Reading here and hearing all the experiences others have gone through and being able to relate, I was just thinking that I hope I can learn through all these stories useful lessons and behaviors. 
And especially before I think or act or say anything concerning  another human being that I will stop and think of how that will effect them or myself.  And I hope I can practice being a better human being myself no matter what anyone else chooses to do with their life.
The hurt and injustice caused by one person to another is sometimes too much to even imagine.
I hope my pain and dispair can be used in this lifetime to make it better for others who come in contact with me.
Living with pain and abuse almost turned me into an angry isolated person.  Unable to care or feel.
I am grateful that people here care enough to share and listen.
I hope that I can get past thinking some of the things I have thought living with abuse.  I want to be a person who loves and cares.
Thanks, BR

[Gabben]

I hope my pain and dispair can be used in this lifetime to make it better for others who come in contact with me.
I want to be a person who loves and cares.

Hi BR,


Thank you for your honest sharing. You seem to have a real heart and one that is full of care and tenderness for those who suffer. What a gift. I love your honesty and I can relate.  I don't think that we are supposed to wish for much more in this life time than what you wrote above.

You are in my prayers and thoughts.

Blessings,
Lise

[alone48]

From what i've seen everyone on this board has a good heart and that is probably what attracted the N' (not taking into account the parents and siblings). One of my good friends told me that N mistook my kindness for a weakness. Sound about right to me for all of us.

[Overcomer]

br-I have learned so much from this board.  I have also become a nice person everss the years trying to counter the ugliness my mother has spread around.  We work together so it is like a chess move-she makes someone feel not loved and I make them feel love.

[Gabben]

Changing thoughts is really tough, but I keep hearing - necessary for me in order to let go of my anger.

Please let me know if you come across any specific strategies, I'd love to hear about them.

bean

Dear Bean,

I have struggled with my victim anger issues for years. Letting go has only been most recent. When I finally came to realize that my anger was only a defense against feeling so powerless, I began to make progress. Also, the need for me to forgive my parents is what it is all about these days for me - it is so tough.

If you get a chance, please read my thread on Victim Anger part 1 and part 2 - Also, here is a link on anger that I found to be very insightful:

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/forgive.htm

Peace,
Lise

[seasons]

Br much love and strength to you. I send wishes of love surrounging you, healing you, always loving you.... (seasons)

[Gabben]

Hi Lise,

Thank you for that link, it was very powerful to me

you can never be truly healed if you try to force someone else to pay for the cost of your healing

I know this is true, however, it's so hard for me to stop thinking revenge thoughts!  I know too, however, that I am no better than my abusers as long as I'm thinking revenge thoughts.  That is the hardest thing to admit - that we are the same - simply human

I will check out your Anger thread.

thanks again
bean

Reading this brought tears to my eyes Bean - because I sometimes feel so alone in my angry thoughts. Anger is just not fun. Hearing that you struggle some too helps to quiet the voice that silently yells "shame on you."

Just the other day I was feeling and thinking a vengeful thought...the funny thing is that my vengeful thoughts are so nothing...I mean I have fantasies about the next time I see my old spiritual director and I think...I'll just shun them because that is what hurts me the most. At least my vengeful thoughts are relatively harmless, however shunning someone out of anger can hurt them but avoiding someone to protect myself is OK.


The day when I am wishing peace and love to others who have hurt me is the day that I know I have truly forgiven them.

So what are my motives...that is always my objective to ask myself...to hurt, we can hurt people so blindly, it is really up to the healing process for me to get free of anger.

The other day I saying to myself "when, Lise, when are you going to forgive them...come on," beating myself up -- and then I it came to me -- the heart moves slower than the mind...I still have pain to heal and tears to cry. All the while I will keep asking God for forgiveness.


Thanks Bean for your support!

((((BEAN))))

Lise

[Hopalong]

What did you do with Izzy the Anchorite?????

You sure ARE on track, Izzy! What a party animal.
Next thing we know you'll be telling us about your slumber parties...

can I come?
I'll bring caramel corn!
Lighter will bring something totally decadent, CB will bring something fresh and full of flavor....
mmm.

A Board Potluck! Imagine it!

Dang, I better quit. It is truffle season, and I don't mean the kind in the woods.

Hopth

[lighter]

Hmmmm..... something decadent?

I'm thinking frozen mud pie......::nodd::.  and some very special Starbucks coffee..... yup yup yup.....

I'll have greasy greasy potato chips, mit ketchup and milk...... gotta balance out the sweet.

You guys can have whatever it is you need to get the job done. 

And Izzy..... I can sleep on the floor like a champ, lol; )