Still feeling bad

[Lupita]

Hey friends, despite studying the book cognitive therapy, doing the exercises, identifying my life traps, identifying the thinking error, the constant need of aproval, I still feel bad and lonely.
I do not want to go out. I do not want to do anything.
My sixth period class is being very difficult and I feel they are mocking me. Those are adolescents, at the end of the class they always finish working, but still i feel very bad. I know that I allow that to amke me feel very depressed. But still I cant prevent it.
I knwo I  should come home and relax and feel well, but i cant. Wish I did not feel bad because a group of kids.
I have six classes and five are perfect. One is bad. despite the success in five, I still feel sad for that one. The should  statement, I should not feel this way, but I do.
It would be better if they behaved well but they do not. In private schools is difficult.

[lighter]

I think you'll find some difficult aspect about a teaching job, no matter where you go.

I can't imagine a more difficult day in day out grind of a job than working with teenaged children, esp the ones coming from difficult backgrounds and having been kicked out of other schools for problem behavior.  Esp ones that are being set up to mock you by an unstable group of adults who pretend they aren't sabotaging you and their own children.   

There are other jobs.  You have an education.  You have skills and you've certainly been earning your stripes as far as learning how to navigate a difficult work place.

Surely, you could make as much money doing something else that didn't involve the same level of stress, adult hypocritical piggy employers and difficult teenagers?

I don't even know what I'm talking about but I invite you to look around, get creative and really dig deep regarding all your choices, all the doors you haven't considered opening. 

Think of 10 improbable possibilities then branch a list off from there.... brain storm it for 2 hours.  Cross off all the rediculous then brain storm another 4 hours.  Cross off then work on it another 4 hours and see what you have. 

Come check in at the board and ask us to help with the list as needed. 

You deserve so much more than this Lupita.... and I honestly beleive you're learning these lessons for a reason that will present itself to you in the future..... and then you'll go..... OOOOOOooooooooohhhh, now I see why everything had to happen that way!


(((Lupita)))  Count the blessings you have..... there are so many: )

[Ami]

If teachers are not VERY strong,kids go for a "free for all". I had one child in a Catholic School which was far worse than the public school, for some reason.
  The teacher HAS to have a deep strength or they will be walked on. With some kids,of course,it is worse than others.
 I think that the answer is in "claiming "your own power. The problem is that it is not so "simple". I think that our own sense of self is the key.
  Kids sense a "strength" just like animals do--or even people. Some kids(or people) will hurt a 'weaker" person. Some won't. However, the key is in finding the strong part within you,Lupita. It IS there.I have seen it on the board. You have "given it to me" on a few occasions so you HAVE it(LOL)    Ami

[finding peace]

Hi Lupita,

How are you doing today?

Thinking of you.

Much love,
Peace

[Observer]

Hola Lupita,

I think it's great that you're reading the books.  I assume they present a lot of new ideas, new concepts and it is difficult to absorb all the information and use that information in real life.

I'm sorry you feel bad and lonely.  How about if you just allow yourself to feel these feelings and not judge yourself?  Do you think you are judging yourself, like "I shouldn't feel bad and lonely" and that just makes you feel worse?  Try not to judge yourself or your feelings.  Just feel your feelings.

How about if you sit with your feelings and just feel them.  Then, ask yourself, "why do I feel bad and lonely?"  If the 6th period class makes you feel bad, how about telling yourself that this is just another example of the imperfections which we constantly encounter in life:  5 classes are good, the 6th is bad:  The world is imperfect, so why should I allow the unavoidable imperfections of life to make me feel bad?

Nothing in life is perfect, so why not just accept the imperfection and not allow the imperfection to affect your mood?  Life is full of disappointments, but there are wonderful things too.  Can you focus on the good things, like your 5 other classes?  Is the glass half empty or half full?  Perhaps these are questions that deal more with philosophy and attitude.  So, perhaps look at your philosophy of life and your attitude and ask yourself if you are focasing on the imperfection of the 6th period class, while not taking enough satisfaction in the prior 5 classes which are good?

Con mucho amor,
Observer

[Lupita]

Thank you friends. Thank you so much for your answers.

Thank you Observer.
Why do I feel bad?
The damage that Dr. U did is still there. Many teachers do not talk to me, one gives me looks that give me chills. As we said, I will not look in her eyes. The pastor stopped hugging me. Still, I feel very sad when I see them together, several teachers socializing, but if i say good morning they do not even answer. So, I am isolated, like I was in my family. My son is going to my country with out me, with his girlfriend. To visit my mother who never allowed me to take any visitor to her house and when My son says he wants she immediately says yes. They leave tomorrow. He also spent Thanks Giving with his father family and he did not even call me once.
I have been so depressed that I stopped my salsa classes. Will start on January again. I have no energy. Plus the probles of working with teenagers.
Is that reason enough to feel depressed? I guess no. It is just me.

Yes, Observer, I do the should statement, that I know it is a thinking error, "I should not feel this way" etc. I am aware, just cant avoid it. I wish I felt better.

But I am studying the book. At least I can identify the feelings and I identify the distortion. There is progress.

I was even trying to identify the thought that caused me to feel bad, but these last two days I have been feeling so depressed and weak that have no energy to think. Just to feel bad. Sorry.

[cats paw]

Lupita,

  I just wanted to say hello to you, and I'm glad there is progress, and that you plan to go back to your salsa in January. 

  Do you have any plans to see your son when he gets back?

cats paw

[Observer]

Hola Lupita,

Remember that healing is a journey, it takes time, but that’s OK.  Like they say:  “Rome wasn’t built in a day”.

I think you are making progress and you yourself admit that you are making progress:  You are identifying feelings and distortions:  That is marvelous!!  Can you feel good that you see yourself making progress?  Can you celebrate your progress by telling yourself “Lupita, you’re making progress, you’re moving forward and that is wonderful!!”?

I’m sorry you feel depressed and tired.  Have you considered finding a therapist who could help you?  I know you tried a therapist who you didn’t like, but how about trying to find one you do like?  I know you are concerned with the costs of therapy.  Can you investigate to see if there is a program in your area for low cost therapy?  How about calling some therapists and asking them if they can make suggestions?

The problems with Dr. U, other teachers, your son and mother, do you think that these are just the frustrations of life?  That things are imperfect and frustrate us?  Of course things could be better and we can make things better (improve our relationships, find a better job, etc), but some things take time to improve and some things we cannot improve and our happiness or wisdom lies in knowing the difference between the two. 

I think one of my goals in healing is to learn to live with and tolerate my frustrations and disappointments and not let them drive me crazy or depress me.  There’s a wonderful saying (I think it is Buddhist) that “Pain is Inevitable, but Suffering is Optional”.  We know that life brings pain, but whether we SUFFER due to the pain is sometimes our choice.  My therapist told me about her patients who are dying of cancer, yet they are happy for each day they are alive.  That gave me a lot of perspective.  This is related to what I meant when I said to you about thinking about your philosophy of life. 

Lupita, can you look at the good things in your life and feel good that you are making progress, but also try to accept that there are disappointments?  Can you feel that everyday is a new opportunity to learn new things and that every new thing you learn adds to your personal wisdom?

I think it’s also important for you to be kind to yourself.  Don’t push yourself too hard.  Rest if you are tired.  I hope you will start to dance again because that is something you love to do.  Can you think about things you love to do, that make you happy and do them?  Take a walk?  Play piano?  Listen to music?  Sing? What can you do right now to make yourself feel happier?

Con mucho amor.

[Leah]

Dear Observer,

So happy to * see * that you have dispensed with the GUEST option of posting as I have been repeatedly accused of being you.

Looking forward to getting to know you, sincerely.

So glad that you are able to support Lupita as I have * seen * how she has responded so well to you.

All the very best.

Love, Leah


PS.  For those who may be concerned ....... I am not * talking * to Leah

[Observer]

Hello Leah,

I apologize for any pain I caused you for people thinking I am you or you are me or we are we.  Seriously, I do apologize.

No, Leah is not talking to herself.  I am me.  As Descartes might have written: I post, therefore, I am.

Sorry for my silliness and thank you for your kind words. 

[Certain Hope]

(((((((((Lupita))))))))))  just hugs, that's all... you sound very much on a more even keel to me and that blesses my heart.

And *Hi* to you, Observer... welcome... I am pleased to read your observations!

With love,

Carolyn

[lighter]

I'm curiouse, Lupita.

Have you looked into opportunities home schooling smaller groups of children..... say aged 5yo to 8yo?  Maybe with a couple older kids mixed in.... and a younger one?

How do you see that scenario workingout for you?

I'm not sure what a private school teacher makes but...... I think it's a pretty thankless job with the insult of low pay attached.

Give this some thought and let me know your thoughts. 

Are you attached to the area you live in now?

Would you consider moving for a good job opportunity?

I should think teaching 4 to 8 students for increased pay would be more attractive..... esp if the parents and students adored you bc you're a great teacher who can do her job well and dance.

[Certain Hope]

Lighter,

For what it's worth, imo I actually think that's an awesome idea for consideration! Looking forward to reading Lupita's thoughts on that.

May I be so bold as to advise you that curious has no e on the end?
Hmm... apparently I am so bold!

Love,
Carolyn

[Leah]

Hello Leah,

I apologize for any pain I caused you for people thinking I am you or you are me or we are we.  Seriously, I do apologize.

No, Leah is not talking to herself.  I am me.  As Descartes might have written: I post, therefore, I am.

Sorry for my silliness and thank you for your kind words. 

Dear Observer,

All is well between us, sincerely, and I truly never had one single issue with you posting as a 'guest' as your postings were much valued
and insightful to me, as I had * seen * that they were also to dear Lupita.

Indeed, I went along to the website you recommended and spent a great deal of time there and learned so much, thank you.

Personally, I have a teachable heart and very much believe in life long learning.

"Thank You"

Very much looking forward to your contributions here, sincerely.

Love to ((( All )))

Leah

[lighter]

Hope.... you obviously don't know how to spell curiouse in secret coco puff language, which I know well.

::wiggling eyebrows::