You HAVE to be FOR yourself--you simply HAVE to

[Ami]

When I got derailed in my teens,I was learning an important lesson--crucial really. I was reading Evan Hunter books. He talks about evil  in everyday life. I made a vow to myself to take care of myself--first. No matter who it was(M, F, friend),I would NOT give myself away. IF I am not for   myself--who am I?..
  I could not stick with this vow and see this as the reason I went down(in a word)
 The Bible talks about not "opposing' yourself. That is the same thing.
 Now, I am at the same crossroads ,learning the same lesson. I am happy to be learning it, quite frankly, even though it IS late.
 The sad part of life on this earth is that you DO have to protect yourself, even from' friends" and family( as we know,all too well)
 I think that "normal" people just "know" this or learn it,like I was starting to.
 If you are NOT blocked ,you CAN learn life lessons. If you are blocked, they can't go in.
 So, I am back at the pivotal lesson I left a long time ago. Can I walk away from it all(everyone--figuratively) FOR myself?IOW--can I be true to myself?
 I guess that this IS the human dilemma. Being a social animal, man has to compromise for the good of the group(family, friendship etc),BUT still has to retain himself
 This must be the point that ALL people come to IF they are to mature. I guess that it is simply a life lesson which I am ready to learn.
 
 

[Gabben]

When I got derailed in my teens,I was learning an important lesson--crucial really. I was reading Evan Hunter books. He talks about evil  in everyday life.

 If you are NOT blocked ,you CAN learn life lessons. If you are blocked, they can't go in.
 So, I am back at the pivotal lesson I left a long time ago. Can I walk away from it all(everyone--figuratively) FOR myself?IOW--can I be true to myself?

This must be the point that ALL people come to IF they are to mature. I guess that it is simply a life lesson which I am ready to learn.
 

Hi Ami!

Thanks for writing this.

Last night I had an mild anxiety attack that is continuing through this morning...the trauma from the conflict yesterday triggered me. My mom was so very evil and this last year I have had to come to terms to that. It has been a painful struggle. Whenever I see deception it aggravates me to no end ---- because my moms deception was so very dark and the fallout of years of her lies cost me and my family so much.

Disguise is the predominate characteristic of evil so it really pushes my N mom buttons.

I'm glad that you are here for me. You are such an angel to me and I am so glad that I met you. Your support, compassion and warmth has made such a difference for me here.

I feel really frightened to jump into any thread today because it does not feel safe and the air is so toxic - but at least I have tears from FOO stuff....I was wondering where they had been, I had to put things on hold for awhile for a friend.

Well - off to get somethings accomplished.

I am hitting a new level of awareness/layer....And the healing journey continues...

Lise ((((AMI))))

[Ami]

There is so much in literature and poetry about "listening to your own drummer". We,who were abused,lost inner strength and went with the "wind"(outside influences,people etc)
 I think that one of the  goals of maturity is the ability to stand alone--if need be. To simply have the gut strength to say your truth and stick with it despite outside pressures.
  There are so many ways that we get derailed. This is just one,but an important one.
  Thank you for all the kind things you said. God sends angels and "dittos" back to you       Love   Ami

[Ami]

I wanted to add that I think a healthy person has access to ALL levels of themselves. My Aunt has all the different levels interacting at all times. She does not have to block  levels b/c of shame for her very being.
  She realizes that  she is 'human' and that is flawed .
    I see myself as needing to haev acceptance for  all the various parts of myself.I call some parts 'bad',but they are really only human,I think .              Ami

[Gabben]

Hi Ami -


It takes courage and risk for me to speak my individual truth...I guess if it was so easy then there would be no need for evil, perhaps?

"The truth will set you free----but first it will piss you off" -- that is my quote


Ami - the below was sooo very helpful for me -- when you get a chance read this and tell me what you think. Thanks~


http://www.narcissism.operationdoubles.com/narcissistic_projection.htm
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Projection is a new name for an old thing, scapegoating. In this section I just explain it in general terms, with examples. In the next section, we zero-in on how narcissists project and what is unique about the way they do it.

Projection. We find it everywhere. Which should be no surprise. It's actually the oldest trick in The Book. Really. The Serpent pulled it on Eve in the Book of Genesis when, in the very act of lying to Eve, he accused God of being the liar.

Here's how the story goes. The serpent had just suggested that Eve eat the Forbidden Fruit, and she replied that God told them not to because eating it would bring about their fall. The cunning serpent said, "God told you THAT?"

Slick, eh? In the very act of telling a whopper, the sneaky snake left-handedly called God a liar, through the power of suggestion. Thus the Prince of Lies pulled an identity-switch with God.

[Ami]

I guess that as long as we are on the earth--evil exists. That is what Evan Hunters books are about. Right before I went in to a shell,I saw a movie that really upset me. ""Last Summer" based on an Evan Hunter book. There was a beautiful girl teasing two guys. She had a strength. They raped a weak girl b/c she didn't have a strength.
  That movie would have been a foundation for me to be strong if I had not been derailed by my M. The movies was about your own power and you better have it.You simply better have it, We,all ,know what happens if you don't b/c we all(most) have been abused.
Abuse could NEVER happen if people had their own power. It could not co-exist with a strong person(IMO)
We had to give up our power as kids.It was a survival mechanism. Now, we MUST take it back(IMO). Our life will only be as good as  the degree to  which we have our power(IMO)            Ami